To ask your advice on my working life...

[TheHungriestMama]

Posting here as I know the AIBU posters give it to you straight, and I may just need a head wobble...

Name change (outing work info potentially) and long time poster...

So, I am feeling very antsy and dissatisfied at the moment in life. Background: qualified social worker, did it for 5 years (child protection and looked after team), burnt me out so moved elsewhere in Childrens Services to an education based team but still get to have a little dip into working alongside social work teams to keep my registration up by working with children in care. Have been in this team 3 years.

Have a 16m DD and my brain is now starting to work again and I feel a lack of challenge in my role and that I'm not using my full experience/earning potential. Have been obsessively looking at retraining or new jobs. But here is my dilemma...

I would like a second child, probably TTC when DD is 2ish. My team is good, I WFH, I work term time only, I get paid year round like a teacher though, very low stress, part time, chilled out and flexible manager and great Mat leave policies, reasonable wage for the hours....BUT I could be earning a lot more as I took a huge pay cut for this role, and with the lack of stress I am starting to feel less challenged and also I have no direct work with children (less stress but less fulfilling). They have also supported me financially to do a masters in a related field.

Would you stick it out until you've had your second DC and then consider options?

I am late 20s if relevant. Have a DH who earns a decent amount but not enough for me to not work.

I feel extremely ungrateful as on paper this job sounds bloody great, and I have a lot to be grateful for in life.

I just can't shake a lack of fulfilment and also feel almost ashamed of myself that I'm not using my knowledge/degree to earn more for the house and do more for children directly...

Yes, stay put until after second child. I wouldn’t change jobs if you are close to needing another mat leave. Wait until you see how it is with 2 children and then make a move from there that fits.

I am coasting in my current role, no second child, but am leaving job changes until DD starts school (she’s 2).

I agree, if you want a second child soon, you are in a good set up to comfortably manage both your job and pregnancy/young baby. It’s frustrating when you have itchy feet, but it’s a phase - of your life and career - and at least you are maintaining your career - and then move on to new challenges when your home life is less challenging.

I’m a social worker and after having my first child I found that a young child and child protection did not combine well so I moved to a different social work team. I’ve since had my second child and been back at work for a year and despite not being in child protection and being part time it is a lot harder with 2 children (the organisation, the sickness bugs, the sleep deprivation, the mess) and I know I wouldn’t push myself at this point as some weeks I only just feel I’m keeping my head above water.
I would wait until after you’ve had your second child and then decide what to do.

Hi there. I also left social work 4 years ago and went into a connected role with less stress, but less pay. I love my current job, but similar to you I am starting to want some challenge and excitement. However my children are 5/7 and I’m not going to be having more. For me it was returning to a challenging role, alongside looking after 2 young children (who didn’t sleep well) that finished me off in social work.

Personally if I were you I’d stick where you are until after you have had your second child. The low stress, nice manager, WFH etc is invaluable and it’ll so much nicer to return to after maternity leave than a higher stress job or unsupportive manager. That’s just my view though and is obviously coloured by my experience of returning to a stressful role after having a second child.

I’m looking at managerial roles now in 3rd sector children’s services as a challenge. I can’t imagine returning to social work until my children are at least teenagers, but then I didn’t manage the stress well.

I can well understand your desire for more challenge though and imagine not being able to do any direct work is upsetting.

Why do you feel ashamed? You’re working in a good profession! I think you’re having a bit of low self esteem more than anything OP. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not working yourself to the bone while having young children.

However, if it is actually that you are bored and want a more fulfilling role, then that is completely up to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with either choice.

Only you can know if you would cope with a young baby and a harder job. This time you have the added benefits of knowing how you feel after having a baby.

Thank you everyone, so far the general consensus seems to be to act sensibly and remain in my current role until a second DC is here and I know how I cope with 2.

I did think that, my rational brain is telling me to not rock the boat just yet as I have a fantastic work life balance and a very 'cushty' set up as some in my life would say.

@ikeepseeingit I think it maybe is a self esteem thing but maybe a combination of ego/self esteem/fear and 'antsyness'
Ego because I feel I could be earning more, used to earn same as DH and had potential to earn more, self esteem because I feel that I've tied a lot of my identity to my role and now I'm not doing it or using my degree what am I even doing!, fear because I'm missing direct work and skills are being eroded, and antsyness because I know I SHOULDNT/CANT change my role and it's making me want to just get out even more even though that would be highly irrational of me.

The job itself is not boring as such, very steady and low stress but lots going on education wise as it's still children in care and so the associated challenges.