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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another private school thread!

25 replies

FedupAnon2 · 14/12/2021 08:39

Please be kind I’m looking for practical advice and I know this is a sensitive topic on mumsnet so I apologise in advance if anyone gets offended.

My DC is 6 years old and we planning to move to a private school from state primary. We live in an area where a lot of primary schools are either religion based or require improvement. There are a couple of good/outstanding but very oversubscribed and waiting list is huge (I’ve asked and been told not to bother as hundreds before me).

I’m not happy with her state school for lots of reasons. They told me she’s a bright kid in parents evenings so this year we decided to try out for 7+ for when she’s in year 3. Told school we planning to do entrance test and their attitude has changed and told me she’s actually failing! They showed me her books compared to another child and basically told me she has no chance of getting in. This attitude makes me more determined to move her. Shouldn’t they be encouraging her.

Anyways I’m worried now she won’t get into the private school and fail her entrance test.

What other options are there for us. Don’t want to keep her there and don’t want to put her in a requires improvement school. I feel really upset I chose this school thinking it was good school and I’ve been so wrong.

OP posts:

ZenNudist · 14/12/2021 08:41

Tutor?

TheDivineOddity · 14/12/2021 09:08

You don't say whether you've looked around any private schools or not? I your situation I'd book a tour and take the opportunity to find out more about the entrance exam.

Interestingly the private schools round our way do not have entrance exams for prep but they do have assessment days where the child joins the classes for a day.

With my cynical hat on I wonder if your DCs current school are that scared of losing a bright pupil they will say anything to keep her?

Original poster

FedupAnon2 · 14/12/2021 09:34

Yes we’ve been to see lots of schools and shortlisted 3 and registered for the 7+. I don’t think the school are thinking that I think it’s more they’ve never even looked at her work and probably just gave a generic parents day comment to all the kids! Books came home last year abs year before and they e never been marked. Lockdown was just sheets online that were never looked at.

OP posts:

pilar3 · 14/12/2021 09:48

Hi OP - are you in London by any chance?

Presumably your DD is now in Year 1?

It’s impossible to say really whether the school are trying to be helpfully realistic with you or not. What I would say is, that in Reception or Year 1, teachers will often will tell parents that average kids in the class are doing well / “very bright” etc. This is because they know all children develop differently at different times and there a long way to go.

What are the odds of passing the 7+ in the schools you are looking at, do you know? Eg. are there 4 applicants to every place, 10?

User2638483 · 14/12/2021 09:51

I think if you’re sure you want to move her and have concerns about the current school then some prep/tutoring for the 7 plus might be wise? We had someone come just for half an hour a week, she was very familiar with what was going to be required at the (quite informal) assessment day. Dd enjoyed it and it didn’t feel too arduous.

As it happens we’ve decided to go for a move to a different state school instead but I feel like the ‘tutoring’ (was based around games mostly) helped her a lot this term, even if just mainly to build her confidence

Original poster

FedupAnon2 · 14/12/2021 09:52

@pilar3 yes it’s 1 place for every 3 or 4 applicants. Yes we’re in London. There are a couple of preps that are not on our list that do not require an entrance test and are a little cheaper actually so this could be a possibility but they don’t offer the same facilities as the ones that have an entrance test for. I would rather pay the small difference for the facilities.

OP posts:

LakeShoreD · 14/12/2021 09:58

I’d strongly consider a tutor. Not would it give your daughter the best chance of being successful, and if these schools are competitive almost everyone will be tutoring anyway, but a decent tutor should also be able to assess her standard. Alternatively have you looked online for past papers? Also, not every private prep is like that- you could look for one a little bit less academic without the rigorous entrance exam. Academics aren’t the be all and end all and if your current school is as bad as you say just about anywhere will be an improvement.

Seeline · 14/12/2021 09:59

An experienced tutor would be able to assess your DDs ability after one or two sessions and advise whether she is at a level where the 7+ is a possibility.

I am amazed that you telling her current school your plans had any impact at all. Both my DCs did 11+ for private schools and their state primary couldn't have been less interested.

I am shocked that they showed you another child's work as a comparison with your DDs. Unless it was out on the wall or something, surely that child has a right to privacy.

Have you actually had a look round any of the other non-failing state schools? Not all church schools are ridiculously religious.

logsonlogsoff · 14/12/2021 10:08

She’s in primary school. Read with her, play games and puzzles with her. Get some maths practice books and do them with her. Make sure she knows her times tables.
And if the school
Don’t think she can pass the exam at the moment, take that on board. They’re trying to help you - and save your DD from feeling like a massive disappointment to her parents.

Thwackit · 14/12/2021 10:15

If she’s bright but behind due to poor schooling then you could employ a tutor to prepare for the exams. Private schools very from wildly selective such as North London Collegiate to not remotely selective at all because they are undersubscribed and need the money. You just need to find one where the entry requirements match her level. Even a one-off session with a good tutor could give you an independent idea of her level.

HumpreyDowny · 14/12/2021 10:16

Download sample exams from private school websites and test her ability yourself. Then consider you doing the tutoring or hiring one. Ignore the stupid school and go with your instincts.

pilar3 · 14/12/2021 10:19

Are you in SW London by any chance OP? I can give you a few recommendations if so?

Original poster

FedupAnon2 · 14/12/2021 10:20

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:

littleowls83 · 14/12/2021 10:20

Can you afford private until at least GCSE?
If not I would move to an area with a good state primary and secondary school.

MrsFin · 14/12/2021 10:23

"Requires improvement" schools are often good schools to be in - the school will be trying very hard to improve, as opposed to a "Good" school, which may be resting on its laurels in between inspections and not trying very hard.

There's a lot more to choosing a school than looking at its Ofsted inspection. What's the general ethos like? eg, is it caring and nurturing? Does DD have good friends? Does she like the teachers?

For all you know, the school will get a higher ranking at the next inspection.

There are lots of sub-standard fee-paying schools. Paying doesn't guarantee a good standard of all round education.

EvilPea · 14/12/2021 10:23

Tutor. The worse that happens is she gets a bit brighter and more support in areas the school aren’t plugging.
And I say that as someone who had a child utterly destroyed by the 11+.

If you were happy with the school in other ways and your child was happy, i would just tutor them and keep them there. If not, I’d look to move (with a firm eye on what secondary’s are)

EvilPea · 14/12/2021 10:26

MrsFin makes a good point.

Mine went to a requires improvement. It was the best fit for them, and they utterly flew. Next inspection was good.
Requires improvement means more funding and more support. Don’t write them off without looking.

Brainwave89 · 14/12/2021 10:26

Hi OP. If there is no urgent need for a move (such as bullying etc), then I would initially go down the tutor route. In my area tutors will provide an assessment of the capability of a child which is quite helpful, and provides a more honest assessment than one might typically get from a teacher, who will err on the side of positivity. I would use the tutor to understand exactly where your daughter is and set out a plan to get her to the right level academically. In the meantime, I would also use the time to involve your DD in the school choice. From experience, the culture between state and private is somewhat different and it is essential she feels comfortable with her new surroundings.

Original poster

FedupAnon2 · 14/12/2021 10:42

@pilar3 were in Woodford.

OP posts:

Original poster

FedupAnon2 · 14/12/2021 10:44

Sorry I mean looking at Woodford schools. We actually live a little away from Woodford. All the best and outstanding schools seem to be there. We live in East London. School around corner is required improvement so if we were to go state that would be the one she would get into. Privates don’t look at catchments so that’s why I’ve been looking at schools in Woodford.

OP posts:

LakeShoreD · 14/12/2021 10:53

Do you mean Bancrofts? That’s a really competitive exam so I’d definitely find a good tutor.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 14/12/2021 11:04

Teacher here.
I would agree that there's more to a school than an ofsted rating. Talk to the parents. Visit the school. Talk to the kids. Are they happy?
Also agree with the requires improvement comments about funding etc. Read the report see what it is that requires improvement. Much of the time it's the red tape that requires improvement because the staff are more focused on the children as individuals rather than fitting them into boxes!!
If you do decide to go for a tutor, please get a qualified teacher. I do tutoring and now and then I look at what's available in my area and it's often local students from the university. They may have the subject knowledge but their ability to assess is what you need.

pilar3 · 14/12/2021 11:13

Hi OP. Sorry, I don’t know about Woodford schools at all.

When would she be sitting the exams?

Also, please bear in mind that many children who are not successful in selective 7+ exams, go in to get into the same schools at 11+. It can be developmental, as well as an issue of ability.

Are the 7+ schools you are looking at preps, or do they have attached senior schools and a ‘through route?’

It could be worth also looking at a non-selective prep with good outcomes at 11+. I’ve found selective preps with attached senior schools have the expectation that they sill all stay through and so they don’t explicitly prepare them for competitive entry to other senior schools (ie they don’t want to list their top students). However, a standalone, non-selective prep will prepare them for a wider range of schools at 11+ and also, by this time, you have a much clearer idea about they type of senior school that will suit them anyway. The top set in a non-selective, standalone prep will do just as well, if not better, at 11+. But they will equally meet the needs of pupils with SEN or more average ability and guide you to the right schools in these cases too.

Briony123 · 14/12/2021 11:14

[quote FedupAnon2]@pilar3 yes it’s 1 place for every 3 or 4 applicants. Yes we’re in London. There are a couple of preps that are not on our list that do not require an entrance test and are a little cheaper actually so this could be a possibility but they don’t offer the same facilities as the ones that have an entrance test for. I would rather pay the small difference for the facilities.[/quote]
Facilities at prep age are not important. Being at a school where she is struggling to keep up would be a disaster. All the facilities in the world wouldn't make up for it.

GratS · 14/12/2021 12:17

Is she happy OP. That is all that counts at this age really. Does she have friends? Does she skip in to school. If that is all true then I would add more support at home, get her assessed for potential dyslexia etc. I wouldn't go down a big school move until I was more sure for myself exactly what was going on. A new school in either sector is no guarantee, so I would look at what you could offer at home first, it is often the ultimate option, better than any school can be as it is 1-2-1.
Parenting is so worrying at times isn't it, but you sound lovely. x

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