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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

too right I am, inlaw xmas present horror!

103 replies

chibi · 18/12/2007 19:54

Grrrrrr....Every year I dread Christmas with the inlaws because of the crazy amount of crap the give us. I have had to put half their presents in a closet as there is no room for them anywhere else.

The presents are excessive, ill-conceived and for the most part, unwanted. Amongst other things, one of the presents for my 6 month old was a hot water bottle .

What the HELL am I meant to do with stuff like that? Or where do we put the 15 pairs of underwear/socks that my dh recieves twice a year (birthdays too natch). What on Earth do they think he does to socks + underwear to get through them so quickly?

I am now looking at a pile of gifts that go halfway up the tree, with a pile in the closet besides. It just looks obscene.

I end up giving most of it away and then I feel guilty. Yes, they love to give, yes they mean well, yes I am a big fricking grinch but I don't care. These presents don't feel given so much as inflicted.

OP posts:

whispywhisp · 19/12/2007 19:25

chibi - If I were you I'd gather some of the pressies up that you've received for the kids and donate them to a child's hospice locally - I'm sure they'd appreciate some extra bits.

As for the adult presents how about giving some to a local drop-in centre/soup kitchen - where the homeless people go to get something to eat/keep warm? Or an OAP's Home?

There are loads of people out there, especially the elderly, who don't even see a visitor at Christmas, let alone receive a present.

MyChemicalToilet · 19/12/2007 19:27

My ex-MIL has a Xmas 'Hope Chest' into which she deposits all the make-up freebies, garden fete purchases and sundry cast-offs throughout the year, to bring out on the big day. I particularly remember receiving some rather tired 'scented' drawer liners one year.

cherryredretrochick · 19/12/2007 19:54

Chibi, I would love that, I have a strange enjoyment level at throwing things away. I sometimes buy things just so I can throw them away later (not really but preob would if I had any money).

discoverlife · 19/12/2007 20:46

I think part of the problem is that we know we would have gotten a much more suitable present for ourselves if we had the equivalent in cash.

Pk616 · 20/12/2007 08:14

For me, the problem with the absolute mass of innappropriate or just ill thought out pressies is the waste. I know I can re-distribute the large bulk of the gifts to various good and needy causes so in that respect they are not wasted but MIL cann't get back her wasted money. The woman is on a pension and she scrimps and saves all year to give people mountains and mountains of pressies to open on christmas day and none of them are what anyone would really want or need. But if anyone trys to gently suggest to her that they really could do with a such and such this year she won't buy it because she's more than likely already bought your pressie six months earlier. No one wants to tell her that these pressies are innappropriate in any way because we all know that she only does it because she loves everyone to have something to open on Christmas day and she saves so hard to give us that.

moondog · 20/12/2007 08:39

Pk, in that case you have to leave it then.
Maybe the money spent is worth the pleasure it gives her?

Superb thread-I have howled with laughter.
I am ruthless with all crap.I comb my house from top to bottom every month hunting down crap to pass on.

i went to a school raffle the other day and after having read this it struck me that the thoudsands of baskets of cheap smellies that exist are probably never even opened-merely doomed to a life of passing through raffles and fetes ad infinitum.

Pk616 · 20/12/2007 08:43

"the thoudsands of baskets of cheap smellies that exist are probably never even opened-merely doomed to a life of passing through raffles and fetes ad infinitum."
rofpmslol

candypandy · 20/12/2007 08:45

comeoven readyturkey love those salopettes -- can't imagine the thank you note!!!

HolidaysQueen · 20/12/2007 09:08

Oh this thread has cheered me up so much this morning (I've been ill and feeling sorry for myself).

I have to say I feel very fortunate as we generally get nice, useful things but I still end up feeling that there was very little thought that went into it because we have the complete opposite problem with my ILs.

They are so scared of buying the wrong thing that they ask us what we would like, but request huge amounts of details - down to exact make/model/shop etc. and then just buy only the things we've said and nothing else. So me saying "DH would like some chocolate" isn't good enough - I have to say "DH would like a Terry's Chocolate Orange and you can buy it in Tesco" and then that's what he gets. They wouldn't just buy a bar of Dairy Milk on a whim.

Of course, it's nowhere near as bad as scented drawer liners or salopets that are 4 sizes too big, but I do just wish they would put some thought into it and go off-piste for once!!! God, I'm so ungrateful sometimes I'll just slink back into the hole I came from and feel grateful I don't have to deal with the crap stuff most of you do.

belcantavinissima · 20/12/2007 09:16

talking about presents from inlaws. my firend came round testerday and told me that her inlaws had been down and had given df and her dh a mattress rejuvenator (????) for xmas which was lovely and soft etc etc and then out of earshot of the kids had slipped them a little present each, as they 'didnt want you to open them in front of the children'. then they stood there watching as df and her dh opened up

an edible posing pouch and some edible nipple tassels!

why oh why would they think thats an appropriate gift for their son and daughterinlaw?!!!
i said to df maybe last time they stayed the night you both kepot them awake as i sense a bit of a bed/sex theme going on.....

Pk616 · 20/12/2007 09:50

Belcanta - maybe the inlaws in question would like some new grandchildren so they're doing their best to help things along. Well, they didn't put condoms in the gift did they!

MyChemicalToilet · 20/12/2007 10:47

I now have this terrible image in my head, of my ex-Mil in Ann Summers, reading the back of packets and asking nobody in particular, "What's this for?" at the top of her voice.

devonsmummy · 20/12/2007 12:18

cherryredretro - I didn't mean that the photo album and pictures was a crap pressie.
PK is right it is to emphasis the fact they have hardly seen DS.
I think all GP's love photos of the GC - in fact it's what my mum has asked for.

moondog · 20/12/2007 12:43

My friend's father gave her 'The Joy of Sex' for Christmas when she was 17 (the one with the beardy weirdy in it).I remember her bringing it back to boarding school and passing it around while we all went 'aaaargh!!' and buried our heads into our pillows in sheer horror.

Brazilianmum · 20/12/2007 12:43

We used to have a major problem with step MIL. She would go and buy crap from charity shops and market from her and DH's dad and also his three half siblings and give to us. Never any thought put into it. So it would just stay in the cupboard for a while and then go to the charity shop. We are not in contact with them or DH's half siblings any more so no more crappy gifts.

One year though it was very funny, cause DH said "I know my sister got you something nice, so we must get her a nice present in return". On Xmas day I was very exctied to open said present only to discover it was a bottle of Chantelle (DH thought she said she bought me a bottle of Channel perfume). The smell was so vile I had to put it in the outside bin imediately.

I really don't like that Xmas is now all about presents and like HQ would like for people to put more thought into what they buy. My ex husband and his family always made such a huge deal out of buying presents and would spend hundreds of £ on buying everything on our list. But everything comes at a price, and at the time exDH and I were just starting our life and trying to save, so spending £200 on his mum and £200 on his dad was ridiculous. But it's what we had to do.

One year I bought them a nice cordless phone as a main present, only for ex MIL to throw it back on my face when we announced we were separating. It was a perfectly good present and I bet they still use, but I guess it wasn't as expensive as those crappy figurines she collects around the house, you know the ones with animals that cost around £80 each.

Anyway, current MIL is lovely and very thoughtful so I think I've paid for my sins and have been rewarded.

Ubergeekian · 20/12/2007 12:49

"What the HELL am I meant to do with stuff like that?"

Have two big appropriately-marked cardboard boxes marked "eBay" and "Charity shop" ready by the tree at present opening time and chuck the stuff you don't want in as you open them. Make sure you have a digital camera handy, set up your auctions during the Queen's speech and you could be quids in for Hogmanay.

cherryredretrochick · 20/12/2007 18:24

Uber, how would you stop dc getting in the boxes and completly ignoring all the presents. That is what would happen here

Ubergeekian · 20/12/2007 20:26

You can't stop 'em. But try to encourage them into the eBay one, 'cos they'll fetch good money.

lovecattlearelowing · 20/12/2007 20:27

Ooh, can I join in?

My MIL is lovely, really lovely, but she goes up to Aberdeen to visit her sister every summer and returns with a veritable MOUNTAIN of shite from Aberdonian market stalls (this is not to slight the quality of Aberdonian market stalls, merely to point out the impossibility of returning anything) and, as others have said, then randomly allocates it to various gcs and dcs/ils come Crimbo.

Scary dollies in saggy knitted outfits a speciality. Fake designer gear that is obviously not the real deal ('Lacoste' polo shirt with some kind of upside down lizard rather than a crocodile, black cotton vest & shorts combo with 'Chanell' picked out in gold glitter, anyone?). Earrings made out of pressed flowers set in coloured plastic the size of dinner plates. Oh, and satin-quilted lace-edged tissue box covers. That was a good year....

But she's absolutely wonderful in every other respect so I can't really complain - and she too loves to shop, loves a 'bargain' and likes to present you with a big mound of prezzies... perhaps it's an older generation thing??

moondog · 20/12/2007 20:28

It's definitely something to do with women of a certain age and street markets eh?

fibernie · 20/12/2007 20:36

Some of these are really funny but OMG the waste generated just for the sake of giving something! All that plastic, wrapping, nasty overfragranced smellies that people don't use!
Ebay will go crazy in January with unwanted gifts... but one person's junk is someone else's treasure I suppose! I still think there's no need for all that stuff to be in circulation.
I've asked for theatre tickets this year - no waste, lots of enjoyment, and something I'll remember!

whispywhisp · 21/12/2007 08:45

I was in Woolies yesterday. I heard this woman telling this friend of hers what she'd bought her dd....the list was endless.

I'm amazed that people buy so much. When I was a child (30+ yrs ago) we got ONE present from our parents - yes just ONE present. That one present was very gratefully received and treasured. In my case it was usually a book but I'd sit for hours with that book.

I like to buy nice gifts for my dds but I certainly couldn't afford or even wish to give the amount and spend the amount some people do today. How on earth can kids learn and appreciate the value of money?

m27 · 21/12/2007 09:49

My MIL is wonderful. My grandma on the other hand... She's one of the most stylish, best designer-dressed 94 year olds you can meet. Her last birthday present to me? A pair of (stained, size 16) knickers.

whispywhisp · 21/12/2007 11:32

My Grandmother is 96yrs old. She makes such an effort when she goes out - y'know lovely outfit, bit of lippie, nice jewellery, spray of lovely perfume.....and she is so fit for her age - she still does her own shopping, lives on her own, goes to bingo (and wins!) and goes to sherry parties with her friends.

Yet...whenever I visit her first questions to me are 'how's your sex life?' and 'how's your periods?' .....and this is in front of my dh too! She's not the most tactful of human beings but she is lovely.

Brazilianmum · 21/12/2007 11:45

I agree with Whispy, the ammount people spend on presents is beyond belief.

My SIL is buying her 7YO DD a pink PS2 worth more than £100. Her DD is also getting a pink flat screen from the auntie to go with it. The not so little girl is already on the big side and hates homework. I don't see how encouraging her to sit down and play games is going to do her any favours. They live in a 3 bedroom house and two of the bedrooms as well as a good part of the living room is filled with toys. Is there really a need to have so much.

When I was a child we also only used to get a one or two presents and never anythign very extravagant. There was a lot more emphasis on spending time with the family than spending hours unwrapping presents.

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