Aibu to be feeling this upset about the passing of time?

[Pinklilly123]

Bit random. Not sure if other people go through this. I’m sure to some extent they do. I feel really unsettled about how fast time is passing. I think this is turning into a depression to be honest as I’m crying most days about how fast my children are growing up. Mainly my youngest who starts school in September. I keep thinking of things we do and how lovely he is right now and that this is all going to change and all I’ll be left with are memories. It’s like extreme nostalgia. Hun starting school is ages away but I’m dreading it already. I’m trying my best not to let my kids see me like this. I feel like everything is pretty hopeless to be honest. Like my whole meaning in life is now about to completely change. I posted about this in September and I’m still really upset about it although it got better and now it’s back again. I’ve even gone as far as referring myself for therapy because I’m sure this isn’t normal to be so distressed about this. So not so much am I being unreasonable but more like is this normal to feel like and if others went through it at the end of their kids being preschoolers did it go away? I’ve just become so aware that time is literally running away. It seems to get faster by the year! I’ve had babies and preschoolers at home for the last decade of my life and feel like my world is about to be turned upside down. Please tell me I’ll be pleasantly surprised when he starts school! And that this horrible feeling will pass

I'll give you a giggle. Missing pushing a buggy/pram was one of the main things I miss from the baby days. A few months ago, my daughter fell and broke her ankle and was in a wheelchair, and believe me after a week of manouvering her in her chair on and off buses, pushing her up hills, and having to wait for the next bus as accessible area was full, I soon stopped missing it when was reminded of that part of her being in a pram or buggy!

@Frazzledmummy123

I'll give you a giggle. Missing pushing a buggy/pram was one of the main things I miss from the baby days. A few months ago, my daughter fell and broke her ankle and was in a wheelchair, and believe me after a week of manouvering her in her chair on and off buses, pushing her up hills, and having to wait for the next bus as accessible area was full, I soon stopped missing it when was reminded of that part of her being in a pram or buggy!

We look back with tinted specs but the reality is so much different isn’t it?! The early years are actually really hard work!

I loved the early years but that's not to say there weren't some hard times and it wasn't all good
but i'll always miss it
but i don't have this extreme feeling like you describe
it's not taking over me. i'm enjoying the here and now

Aw, I'm with you, OP. DD1 is 6 and DD2 is 3. In September DD1 will go to Juniors and DD2 will start Infants. I'm really, really sad at the prospect of no longer having a toddler or a preschooler. I'm sure we'll move on but I want to cry when I think about not picking her up from nursery again.

Hi OP,

I get you. My youngest started reception in September and it felt like the beginning of the end. I had a bit of a mad panic that i would be bored and lonely at home once she started school.

The anticipation was so much worse than the reality and this will probably be true for you, as well. I help out at the school a couple of afternoons a week which is nice, and I’ve made an effort to meet up with lots of friends during the school day- have never had a better social life. Plus enjoying having more time to spend on hobbies and interests.

We made a deliberate effort to un-schedule the kids a bit, as lockdown made me realise they had become a bit over scheduled. So we have 3 afternoons a week after I’ve picked them up from school where we have plenty of time to play games, chat leisurely etc without rushing to clubs and I glean much more from them about what they’ve been doing at school, how they are feeling in general compared to when we were rushing around going to lots of clubs. Even though they are getting older and more independent from me, they are becoming fascinating individuals in their own rights and it feels like a privilege to share in their school life and strangely, I feel as though our relationship has become even closer and stronger despite the fact they are all at school now.

Hopefully you will find the same OP. It’s worth you looking into volunteer opportunities, hobbies and connecting with friends for when your youngest starts school.

I was totally the opposite … I feel so lucky to have children who grow and progress in line with expectations. DM used to say
“it’s a shame they don’t stay little for ever” and I used to cross my fingers for luck and think about the children I used to volunteer with who never grew past the baby stage.

So much to look forward to as they develop their personalities and interests, so much more to share. Mine are adults now and yes I miss my babies, but I miss my teens more!

I don't want to go all zen on you, but mindfulness is a very useful thing. It can help to get over these sort of times, which we all go through.

Now I am going to get all profound on you - sorry! I know that when my little ones were born I suddenly had a glimpse of my own mortality - a feeling that I had passed on my genes, so my own end was looming at some point in the future. It made it all the more clear to me, having produced the next generation of Mischances. It suddenly brought is home to me.

Children are amazing creatures and force us into thinking more deeply than we usually bother to do. And they ask such profound questions that tax our beliefs and value systems. I have a vivid memory of one of my DDs who was 4 and in the grip of whooping cough, immediately followed by chicken pox - a very sick little girl - she looked up from her vomit bowl and said "Why doesn't god make me better?" - try answering that at 3 in the morning!

Maybe you are in an early stage of depression. The solution to that would be to treat the depression.

The thoughts you are having about your child, or the way they make you feel, might be a consequence of the depression, not a cause.

I’m the same op. My “baby” is now 5 and in year 1 at school. To me, she’s a baby still although my logical side knows that isn’t true 😢. It’s like I torture myself with the things I used to do with my dc before they started school, it makes my heart heavy at times but I make myself turn it into something positive. I work 4 days a week and on my day off I rush about creating a tidier home, taking them to activities they enjoy and smelling the top of their heads (I know, I know but I swear I can still smell their baby smell lol). It’s tough op, but for them to evolve as they’re supposed to we have to support it. You know how we’re supposed to distract them when they’re having a tantrum about something? We need to distract ourselves and create something positive out of it, for all our sakes.

I read a quote recently that really resonated with me. It was along the lines of depression is when one looks into the past, anxiety is about looking into the future - anyway, the key point was to try to live in the moment. Having experienced depression and anxiety, it struck me as meaningful advise.

My children are older teens now and I often long for the days of tucking them into bed and knowing exactly where they were and who they were with. Each stage just seems to arrive before I’m ready for it!

But, I love these teen years. Teenagers are so funny and I love the fun and randomness that surrounds them.

I think it’s important to be fully present at each stage, to enjoy and embrace it. Each stage passes but is replaced with a new chapter of equally as fulfilling aspects.

@Pinklilly123

It seems a lot of you are or have going/gone through something similar. I’m glad I’m not alone as I’ve felt really hormonal and silly but it’s felt so heartbreaking it truly has. I’m still early 30s so doubt it’s peri menopause just yet although I have been extremely hormonal and tearful. A trip to the GP might be in order. I’m a natural worrier and I feel like I’m worrying about the future years which are way off although time flies. I really need to be in the present moment so I can enjoy these precious moments and not spend the time feeling awful because I’m going to miss it. These feelings are ruining the now

Do you have all boys OP? I noticed in a previous post that you don’t have personal experience of a mother/adult son relationship and I wonder if not being able to imagine what your relationship with your adult son/s will be like is causing some of your anxiety. It might be worth seeing if you can talk to mums of adult sons about their relationships or even looking on here as I’m sure the question has come up before. I’m sure I’ve seen it on gransnet too.

As the mum of an adult son (and daughter) I hope I can reassure you by saying i am no less close to my son than my daughter. I still get to be their mum and they both still need me. Plus I get to be granny now which is the best!

Im the same. I'm upset I'm too old to have more so he's on his own.

If you're only early 30s and have been looking after kids for a decade, have you had much of your own life outside of being a mum? Do you have your own interests or hobbies? Do you work?

If most of your adult life has been spent soley in the role of being a mum, then I can understand it would be overwhelming and upsetting to face doing something different now. Perhaps start focusing on what you can do for yourself now.

I had my kids close together and I worked full time until my youngest was born. Then when he was 3, I went back full time again. I was still working part time evenings though that time and only really had 3 years of being a SAHM in the day times.

I was happier when my kids reached 4. They became infinitely easier, my life became easier and I have been able to do more for myself as a result. Its sad they're not babies anymore. But they are cool kids now and I like it. They will probably be nightmare teenagers. My 6yo is going on 16 already. But its all part of the journey.