AIBU To be pretty peeved at family

[FeelSoAwful]

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much, probably I am but I’m getting increasingly ped off at family that couldn’t give a s how I am.

Bit of context: I’m 7 months pregnant and my mental health has deteriorated pretty significantly in the last couple of months to the point where I’m now under crisis team because I’m suicidal.

My family know all this as I messaged them to update them last week basically saying my midwife was taking me to A&E to be seen urgently by one of the psych team. Have I heard anything since? Have I f* ! I got brief messages at the time saying thinking of you etc but no one has bloody bothered to check on me since.

I’m meant to be doing various family events over the next couple of weeks before Christmas and I’m really tempted to say f* it and not bother going even tho certain family members I haven’t seen in 2 years are gonna be there.

What would you do and am I being unreasonable in being upset by this?

YABU: they’re busy ppl with their own lives, don’t expect them to contact you
YANBU: they’re being d*s for not checking in on a pregnant family member who is suicidal

@Theremoresefulday but they have the history and an idea of the other people that we don't know at all. They know as much as OP, but are slightly less invested in the situation.

They still wouldn’t know what’s going on in my life with my MH.

Bit hard to tell OP - it really depends on what you and your family are like.
IME some people don’t want to be disturbed and prefer to initiate contact. Others want to be texted daily etc.
Really hard to tell.

Is this out of character for them or have they always had problems talking about more sensitive subjects? I know my dad would probably just make light of the situation and be somewhat uncomfortable with the whole thing if I was in your position and reached out. It's not because he doesn't care, he just isn't emotionally able to talk about anything like that and would be scared he would do more damage than good.

I'm lucky that my mum is totally the opposite, but if my whole family consisted of people like my dad I would just go elsewhere if I needed emotional support.

I think if they are there for you in other ways then I do think they care. They might just not know how to deal with it and saying the wrong thing to somebody who is suicidal can have catastrophic consequences and it's daunting when you don't know how to act.

@FeelSoAwful I was a bit worried about writing such an honest account. I just wanted to offer the perspective that your family's reaction or lack of is not linked to you and absolutely doesn't define your worth, but is entirely about them. Being about them could just be that they're insular and unable to conceive that a good family supports each other, but it could just be that they genuinely have nothing to give because they're holding on as best they can too.

I know you're definitely not my sister, I'm sorry if people have put my post against yours and come up with an alternative version of your life to be be picked apart.

I sincerely wish you every best for the future and hope you manage to create that safe, supportive space that you need. If your family aren't part of that, make sure they don't have the means to dismantle it too.

I can relate as both myself and DB have mental health issues-have been quite severe at various times for us both- and my parents don't understand and/or brush it off.

It's sad that your family haven't been in touch. I think though, that some people don't know what to say or how to handle things like this. Are they of the generation that didn't talk as much about mental illness? I think there can be a divide.
Certainly do not feel obliged to go to any events if you are struggling, just a quick text to explain and do not feel bad about it