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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To question whether to have a baby in today's world?

24 replies

pcofmushu · 13/12/2021 10:53

Given the circumstances of today, the seemingly never-ending pandemic, the what will be endless repercussions on the NHS, schooling, social care etc... AIBU to question whether having a child is the right thing to do? I would fear for them so much. Will future life be difficult for them? Prices are already rocketing and my generation as it is feels like they're being shafted (I'm mid-20's) - are things only going to get worse and maybe never get better?

On one hand I think "go for it" and that we shouldn't think too hard about it. People have babies all the time. On the other hand, it is the biggest decision I will ever make, and would having a child just render our lives difficult and unhappy?

OP posts:

Aprilx · 13/12/2021 10:56

A baby is not just for today though. Nobody ever knows what kind of world a new human mind find themselves in, whether it is upon birth, ten years later of sixty years later. I therefore don’t think I could have ever based a decision to have a child or not on the state of the world, only on my own situation at the time.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 13/12/2021 10:57

I wouldn’t.

Sausagedogsarethebest · 13/12/2021 11:01

I've said many a time that I'd hate to have a child growing up in today's world, what with the pandemic, the constant woke-ness, the economy...

That's easy for me to say though because my DDs are in their 20s. I might not be so adamant if I was wanting a child.

DropYourSword · 13/12/2021 11:02

At any given point in history there would be reasons not to have a child too. And yet, women always have.

Original poster

pcofmushu · 13/12/2021 11:05

I know parenthood is never easy, and my dad always very wisely said to me "if you waited to have a child until you could afford it, you'd never have one" (basically saying that you just go with the flow and make things work), but I just feel the future is gloomy. I appreciate the child would know no different. I'd just appreciate how others perceive the situation!

OP posts:

Jennifer2r · 13/12/2021 11:12

You're right, and I agree with you. I haven't had children for many reasons but this is a big one. Bear in mind this is mumsnet where it is fine to say break up with your husband because he doesn't want a fourth child and you do, and 'madness' to say you don't want to have children because of the climate crisis/global warming/resource wars.

rosed1008 · 13/12/2021 11:15

I had a baby just before the pandemic and now pregnant again. Yes the world is a little different then it was when I was pregnant 3 years ago however my 2 year old has massively benefitted from the pandemic. She sees her Dad a heck of a lot more than she would have done, her grandparents are her absolute world because they both work from home and she knows no different. I have always thought COVID would take at least 4 years to sort itself out so who knows. I do worry about giving birth this time though with hospitals a bit stretched!

I honestly don't think there is any right time to have a child. Wars, economics etc will always be up and down. If you want one go for it! I just hope the Boris world of political corruption will be gone before my kids are grown up.

scarpa · 13/12/2021 11:19

I'm fairly sure I don't want children for a few reasons - but I'm in my early 30s and there are still pangs of "But what if I'm making the wrong choice...?".

Then I think about the state of the world, and it makes my mind up again for me. So you're not alone!

I think if I were to find out I was 30 weeks pregnant now or something I'd make the very best of it, but I don't think I'd actively choose to bring a child into the world as it is currently.

Fortressofbarnitude · 13/12/2021 11:39

I don't want children, no reason except I don't want them. However, I am glad I don't want them for loads of reasons, including the ones you've mentioned, because if I did want them, I would have them and then be worrying all the time!

If you really, truly, deeply want children, there's no reason good enough not to have them and if you really, truly, deeply don't want children, there's no reason good enough to have them.

HesterShaw1 · 13/12/2021 11:42

I wouldn't.

fakereview · 13/12/2021 11:43

I wouldn't now, and feel quite guilty I've brought my son into this mess.

And please can people not invoke the WW2 comparisons - we didn't have reliable contraception back then.

TreeSmuggler · 13/12/2021 11:46

I am not sure whether it's right to have a baby for climate change reasons, all the other reasons you list don't apply here imo. They are important issues but not worth not having children over. NHS for example - hospitals and even the science of medicine have only existed for the past few hundred years, the other million years homo sapiens did without. So the politics of the NHS is neither here nor there in the big picture. Same with property prices. It's an issue but renting is fine, in many countries it's the norm.

When it comes to climate change though, that's tough. I have had children, I decided that there are no guarantees in life at any time, they will have to take their chances like everyone. Hopefully they have a few happy times. Is that me defending the indefensible? I don't know.

MizzFizz · 13/12/2021 11:47

I had a baby 5 months before the pandemic and we're all very happy together as a family. She's now 2 and literally our little ray of sunshine. Ee work hard every day to have a strong connection with her because, let's face it, life is hard sometimes, but if you have a supportive and loving family, it makes all the difference. We're having another baby in June and then we'll be done. Can't predict the future but the world has always (since human existence) had problems, I won't let it stop me living the life I want.

MizzFizz · 13/12/2021 11:47

*We work hard ...

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 13/12/2021 11:48

Up to you.

Artichokepiglet · 13/12/2021 12:00

As @Fortressofbarnitude says 'If you really, truly, deeply want children, there's no reason good enough not to have them and if you really, truly, deeply don't want children, there's no reason good enough to have them.'

It's impossible to predict what things will be like in 5, 10, 20 years etc. for the babies born today.

I do think parenting young children is particularly challenging right now due to pandemic-related childcare issues, school closures and periods of isolation. I always wanted three but have decided to stick to two (first were born pre-pandemic) because of how difficult things are currently. If I hadn't already had children I would still want to try now but that's because I so desperately wanted them, it's been tough though. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who's on the fence.

Frazzled2207 · 13/12/2021 12:03

Yanbu at all.

OldWivesTale · 13/12/2021 12:10

I love my children so much and I can't imagine my life without them but if I'd known then what I know now about the world and the direction we're headed in then I wouldn't have had children. And I really hope that my children don't have children. I know that might sound awful but it's because I love them so much and don't want to see them suffer.

LittleGwyneth · 13/12/2021 12:30

Depressing read for anyone having a baby at the moment!

Honestly I think you either want children or you don't, and sometimes if you don't you feel obliged to find reasons not to. But I don't believe anyone has chosen not to have kids based purely on the state of the world.

I'm not sure what year would have been the perfect one in the last 20 to have a child. People have done so at every single moment in history. But if your kid is currently five they've probably been more impact than a child born in 2022 will be by covid. If you love your partner and are ready to support a family, why wouldn't you?

ResentfulAF · 13/12/2021 12:36

My eldest has lived the majority of his life under restrictions with people wearing masks, and my youngest their whole life.

The fact they know no different actually makes it seem worse to me. They don't deserve this, they deserve to move freely through the world without this sense of caution and fear.

I was worried about the state of the world before I had them but felt I could concentrate on our own world within our family and give them the best life I could on that small scale (which feels like the world when you're little).

But I was very naive and the wider world has had and will have massive impacts on them and has made raising them incredibly hard already.

I think the current and future world is a particularly difficult and sickly environment to raise children and be a family in and I feel great sadness about what my lively two will face and how little I will be able to protect them or help them navigate.

I feel a slight horror and guilt that I had them to be honest.

DockOTheBay · 13/12/2021 12:39

There is always something. In the 60s people were worried about nuclear wars and in the 2000s there was terrorism and so on. Humanity goes on.

ResentfulAF · 13/12/2021 12:43

I also feel like things aren't like, generally ok and good with some random adverse events. I feel the state of the world now is reached a background level of, almost toxicity.
Life doesn't feel generally good, nourishing and healthy with the occasional external awfulness and adversity to endure, the background feels bad, all the time. This is just not a healthy works for kids, in almost every aspect, in my opinion. It's like even the air is toxic (and in some places that's true).
I really feel something fundamental is out of balance and something is going really wrong in how we live our lives. And children just don't have a fair chance to be a nourished, enriched and contented individual.

ResentfulAF · 13/12/2021 12:45

They just don't have a fair chance to grow up in peace and security

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/12/2021 12:51

This. If i could go back in time i would not have had them.

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