Friends after having a baby

[RaimbowMama]

I'm not looking for sympathy here.... Just some other people's stories. I've found all my friendships have changed since having my little boy 8 months ago.

I've noticed I get left out of plans as people think I won't be able to come (I have a lovely wife who is just as hands on as me and happily let's me have nights off). People that still do ask me etheir ask me one hour before the night out so I've no chance of pumping milk/ sorting baby out with wife etc. Fair enough the odd night out /plans are last minute, but it's getting ridiculous the amount it happens now.

I know my friends love me but I feel like I've gone from so close to them so just an afterthought.

I've got a promotion at work and it's closer to home so I'll have work friends by next summer so that's a bonus on the social side.

There's a Christmas meal out next week with everyone next week (kids included lucntime kinda meal). And I feel like I've only had a solid invite because it's baby friendly. Both my close friends there have been on a night out last weekend without inviting me and I feel abit sour grapes about driving for an hour to do this lunch knowing I've been left out of so much the last 8 months. But don't like chopping nose of to spite my face because I'd love to see them and their kids.

Do you ever instigate a night out? Do you ask your friends to go out with you? If not why not? Just make plans and invite them.

Most people do drop off the radar a bit after having kids....and maybe your friends remember what it was like for them and don't want to put too much pressure on you.

Go to the lunch....and whilst there you can make a plan for new year.

I'm always the one who instigates the plans and it's feeling abit one sided. And it's always in the area they live to fit around their childcare plans.

Hmmm....have you started to build up a network of 'mummy friends' where you live? This might be good support for now, and potential friends to go out with locally? Or maybe start a more regular club that interests you where you might make more friends.

Sometimes friendships drift, sometimes they change and sometimes we move on....maybe try to be honest with yourself which of these is actually happening. Do you meet friends one to one? Sometimes that's easier with kids than big group nights out.

I go to baby classes and have made mum friends to meet for coffee, play dates walks around park etc and they are lovely people /fab new friends. I also have work friends/friends from my football team etc so it's not a loneliness thing as such. It's the longer term friendships that I'm upset about, I really didn't think me having a baby would change the dynamics so much but it's just such a change.

Friendship dynamics do change after you have kids, ive found this. In my case it’s not so much being sidelined from nights out as frankly I’d understand and wouldn’t be able to go. Ive drifted significantly from my former bf and maid of hnr as she just doesn’t get that I can’t (as a breastfeeding mum) travel 4 hrs to her and go on a night out in DCs first yr of life, kid didn’t sleep through til night weaned at 18 mnths. It sucks but we just have less in common than we used to.

Thank you that's helpful to hear it's not just me. It's just confusing but I'll just have to be willing to let go abit.

Glad to hear.ylu have a busy.social life anyway. Having a baby does change things. I got much closer to friends that had kids similar time to me, see less of my childless friends now. Some friendships eased off at baby stage and then got stronger since.....we also need to remember what's happening in our friends lives. It.might not be about you..might be more about them.....