To think Xmas brings out massive differences in family dynamics...

[winolady]

...between yours' and DH's family.

Basically long story short DH's family are really decent and reliable. We can rely on my MIL and FIL for lots and we have a great relationship, I would go as far as saying I prefer them to my family and feel more similar to them in terms of values etc.

My family on the other hand are a bit dysfunctional, my sister is married to a guy who I just don't like, he's not nice to her and obsessed with his image. My mum is mentally unwell, but she manages it with medication, unfortunately the medication makes her very lazy and a bit dumb, so the conversation goes as far as her asking questions and us answering them, with her not having anything else to say, which is a shame but she was evil without the medication.

I feel bad for DH as I know he finds the events difficult around Xmas with my family, because people do things that his family just wouldn't do.
For example people will turn up at our house (we have to agree to have people over because none else offers) But 2 of them will be missing because they're having a fag for example, then they'll come in smelling of it with no attempt to air off the smell first.
Also someone will turn up eating their own packet of crisps, when we're about to serve food which DH would've spent time planning and making... it's examples like this whereas I know my DH's family are much more polite.

The issue I have is I know my family don't act very well, but I feel worse for my DH having to put up with it... so I really feel Xmas brings out these differences for us and although my DH always tries to let it roll off his back, I know it bothers him.. I can't attempt to change my family because there's no point.. I just wish we had similar family's in that case.. anyone else have this??

We have this. It is always highlighted at this time of year. The way I manage it is to have low expectations and make them for me - so I make a nice meal because I enjoy the process/cooking, I don’t make it for others.

Yes it’s the old adage you can chose your friends but you can’t chose your family isn’t it?
I think the best thing to do is lots of nodding and smiling and letting the small stuff go, even though it’s as annoying as hell.

DH and I often joke that we feel like the only normal ones in our families.

Let's see, my older sister thinks nothing of coming over & expecting to be weighted on hand and foot. Younger sister is bitchy & thinks if she visits she is blessing us with her kids and therefore it becomes our responsibility to look after them. Younger brother, drunk, druggie who thinks his shit life is everyone else's fault so last time he came for xmas he was forcibly kicked out by DH. My Mum is pretty cool, although when drunk she gets a bit risque in her conversation subjects which no daughter needs to hear -not envy

MIL, amazing..love her. FIL drunk, racist, sexist bigot. Hate him with a passion. SIL a drunk who cant control her own kids and she's any event such as xmas as a chance to get paralytic.

DH and I tend to do xmas just us now, with our kids. Much less stressful.

*waited on

Other way round with us - my DH’s family are total snobs and have some really weird ideas about what Christmas should mean (children not at the table until they are about 4!!!)
We had a big argument one of our early Christmases and we have seen them as little as possible around Christmas ever since. Sad really. DH likes my family who are dysfunctional but very warm and loving.

To be honest I feel like any big events bring this out in our families; it’s not that we have a good or bad side with mine and DHs but there’s lots of things his family do that I think are rude and things that my family do that DH thinks are pedantic and over the top. We kind of have to just grin and bear it a bit.
One year I spent Christmas with DHs family when I was pregnant and I lost my patience and showed my annoyance and said what I thought and it made no difference so I’m just letting things flow over me this year and concentrating on our DC

Yes, agree. Christmas definitely highlights differences.

Nothing wrong with mine or DP's families, but they're just very different in how they do lots of things, and Christmas ends up being an intense little microcosm of the wider differences. Just things like which presents come from Father Christmas, how they give them out, when they do lunch, going for a walk/not, what we do on Boxing Day etc etc.

I prefer some bits from his family Christmas, and others from mine.