Unsupportive husband

[Rooree2609]

So basically I've got some mental problems mainly ptsd from being in a extremely violent relationship and severe health anxiety which kind of ties in to stuff with this previous relationship

Dh has know all this since he met me

Recently I've been struggling with things and in all honestly I largely keep it to myself as he's never been great about it, it annoys him he calls me stupid ridiculous etc
However I have a medical appointment coming up which because of covid I have to go to myself so I'm terrified and I told him so
I told him I'm scared of xyz
And he's said I'm ridiculous
I've tried to explain my fears and its led to him shouting swearing telling me he's not listening to my shit

So tonight I hoped for some comfort and he's rolled over went to sleep

And I will sit up in a panic all night

If the boot was on the other foot I'd sit up with him all night
I'm comfort him
I would hate for him to feel how I do
But he doesn't care

It feels like he loves the funny normal no issues.. Do everything me but not this part of me it's to be shut down

Also I have some physical health problems ( some a result of previous injuries in relationship) so he needs to do more than most dhs and that always gets thrown in my face for instance he couldn't offer mental support because he cooked the dinner and the bathed the DC
Which in turn upsets me more because if I was physically able I'd do everything and I hate needing help but unfortunately I do

He shouldn't be calling you ridiculous or stupid at all.

It sounds like he's not coping right now, or has he always been like this? I'm guessing not as you married him.

Does he have any support too?

@WorraLiberty I guess before we got married no I didn't see this side of him
But he probably didn't see this side of me
He knew my history but I didn't like to talk about it and he seen a successful happy person
Since the birth of dc2 lots of triggers have happened
A non harrasement order ending a very sick dc 2 and my own health issues and his attitude is its all fine I'm not worried so you can't worry

Sounds like he's sticking his head in the sand tbh.

It's an awful situation for you both

@Ionlydomassiveones
That probably fits quite well he's very rational and has very little empathy
And also has little patience

As I say I mostly keep my worries to myself but it would be good to be able to have some reassurance even if he thinks I'm ridiculous

Does he do more than most dhs? Cooking dinner and bathing the kids sounds bog standard to me, once he’s done that my dh has to go over building finances with me, check xmas present situation, review holiday program schedule for the dc and fold some washing before doign some more work, and I’m pregnant and he also has to manage to be sympathetic to when im struggling physically so I fail to be impressed by your dhs contribution here.

@timeisnotaline

Well I guess the only relationship I compare it to is my ex who I say was extremely physically abusive and I was nothing but a live in maid for him

So my dh doing what he does seems pretty good
Finances.. Planning things for the kids etc all come under my domain and I do everything I can physically manage to do aswell

I told him shouting and swearing isn't right and he's unkind
His reply I cooked your dinner
Which yes infuriates me I'd rather he didn't cook my dinner and not shout and swear at me

[quote Rooree2609]@Ionlydomassiveones
That probably fits quite well he's very rational and has very little empathy
And also has little patience

As I say I mostly keep my worries to myself but it would be good to be able to have some reassurance even if he thinks I'm ridiculous[/quote]
The thing is if he were to go for a job in mental health, he'd have lots of training in how to deal with people who suffer with your issues.

But as it is he obviously doesn't and as you said, he didn't really see that side of you when you married.

Is there any sort of counselling you could perhaps do together?

Hi everyone,

I’ve tried writing my own thread but it won’t let me on my phone I don’t know why.. I know the feeling of an unsupported partner! We have an 8 week old baby and my partner gets so so angry at our baby. He has colic, is crying a lot and all I want to do is help him. He says there is nothing wrong with him and shouts at him to shut up, dumps him on me because he gets so annoyed at him and isn’t helping me much at all with him. If he has to spend 10 minutes with him while I shower and he starts crying he comes in to get me and see how long I’ll be etc, I do all the night feeds and changes alone and stay up for hours sometimes (even on his days off he won’t help me out) which I understand sometimes as I breastfeed him. He calls him all sorts of names sometimes and it really upsets me. Even when I ask if he can help me with the house work if I don’t get to put our son down all day he doesn’t and he complains that I haven’t tidied up yet as it’s “my job”. To make matters worse we all had covid and I was SO SURE our baby was unwell before we found out. Him and his Nan told me our baby is cunning and knows what he’s doing (he ended up being hospitalised due to being so unwell). He’s such a loving person and sometimes he really is great with the baby but recently his anger and frustration is getting the better of him. I don’t know why he’s being like this or what to do? I feel like I’m constantly running on empty and giving it my all because I just adore our son so so much, I could never get mad at him I think he’s the most amazing thing to ever happen.. can anyone help..? 😞

No-one should be shouting and swearing though

@Firsttimemum101101 try asking here in Site Stuff if you have technical issues

@WorraLiberty
Well I see a really good private pyscologist and previously provided him with some information on complex ptsd etc
And suggested he go and see her and develop a understanding of things but he said no need as he thinks he's supportive

I mean I have this issue from abuse his solution shout and swear at me which of course sets my panic and anxiety to another level

I will suggest to him again about us both going
I've tried to explain what it's like for me and how horrible it is to be in my head but he usually just says well you need to get a f*** grip

Shoring and swearing at you is abuse in itself

I know you feel you traded upwards but are you sure you didn't swop a lion for a panther?

@Firsttimemum101101 hope you get stuff sorted it sounds really tough but it's not fair to use someone else's thread.

@changenametopost

This is what I struggle with
What's normal and what isn't

Ex partner was obviously horrifically abusive

Dh is in many ways kinds caring an amazing patient dad
He just loses his patience with me when anything mental health issue crops up and these are usually few and far between...
I have no idea if I'd make everyone annoyed or its him..

It's him. Stop doubting yourself. Take care of yourself you deserve better

His behaviour is horrible on this. Suggest moving this to Relationships for kind, well informed support

He doesn’t sound kind or caring to me
He sounds unsupportive and unkind; he only loves you when you’re a certain version of yourself so he doesn’t really love you. Not deeply. Not as it should be in a marriage.