Feel down at lack of social life

[Maddymorphosis]

I'm sure there are many people in the same boat, particularly around this time of year.

I have something planned for New Year's Day but nothing until then and l haven't had for a few weeks, and after that date I don't know what my next event will be.

I work in community care which sees people largely working alone, or you may double up with somebody but then won't see them again for a week, no big groups working together etc so it's hard to form bonds with people.

My company is not organising any sort of Christmas event either which would have been a good way of getting to chat to more people.
I'm changing to another role next month so hopefully this will help things though.

I used to work at a school a couple of years back and stayed in touch with a colleague, we met up a few times in 2020 and then once this year, quite a few months ago though.

Never fell out or anything but he's made it clear he doesn't want to meet up again by only sending polite replies to messages, saying he's busy and not suggesting alternative days and not trying to continue conversations so I have stopped contacting him altogether. It's a shame but happens.

My partner works in a very social environment and they go out a lot, he sometimes invites me which is nice but I don't want to just turn up every time and look like I don't have my own life.

Luckily I'm close with my family and see them weekly. Going to watch a film today on my own, I can go an entire day without speaking to or seeing anyone and it can get lonely. I thought I was very introverted but maybe not as much as I had believed.

Does anybody else feel like this and how do you deal with it, have you managed to make new close friends in your 30s?

I feel the same. Especially this time of year and its all party, party, party.

I feel exactly the same too. This time of year definitely doesn’t help. It’s hard especially when you feel you are trying as well. I don’t have any advice but you certainly aren’t alone.

Honestly having a kid made the biggest difference to me! Not advocating having a child for the social life, but I’ve found it’s a time of life when people are very open and want new friends.

Prior to that, I had some luck joining a monthly book group. Is there a hobby like that you could start? I think the key is making sure you have frequent meet-ups. It’s hard to make friends if it’s sporadic.

I'm right there with u. Although I'm in my 40s. I dont particularly want to go out to parties. I would like to have some local friends that I could meet up for a coffee with though.

I'm.at home while they are all at work. Or they work.nights which mean I'm.wary if disturbing them during the day.

I hate my job but customers amd colleagues ( although tbh we single man alot) are the only adult interaction I get outside of fortnightly visits to my parents for a couple of hours.

And because i don't see anyone or do anything I have nothing to talk about if I did get the chance.

My shifts can change alot last minute amd vary week to week so I can't even " sign up" for anything. And besides I'm a single parent so cant just bugger off out fir an evening .

I could probably die and no one would notice til they ran out if pants.

Sorry to hear other people are feeling the same. I don't have any children but definitely looking into groups. At the moment it's hard as I have to work until minimum 8pm most evenings and then by the time I get back home, get ready etc it's too late, but hopefully in January this will change. Currently work long days every other weekend too which doesn't really lend itself to much

Sorry to hear that :( I hope things improve for you, what industry do you work in?

Same here re the last minute rota changes, another reason why I'm leaving, it's so frustrating

Have you tried Meetup and Spice etc? These are full of people in the same boat. There are online events too in the evenings etc.

I haven't heard of spice but will certainly give it a go. I'm on Meetup and hoping to attend an event this Wednesday night as I'm not finishing at 8 for once in my life.
I think even if I do attend these events it'll still be a case of meeting people with whom a friendship will actually form, not people who say they would like to meet up and then you never hear back from them again

Ha ha yes the weekends. I only do Sundays but Saturdays are a busy day talimg mu youngest to gym, trying to get kids to do homework and making sure I have washed all the school clothes as I'm.gone all day Sunday. I'm.grateful for my boss doing the shifts fitting round my school runs so well amd I'm.part time but have nothing to do on my days off anyway 🤣🤣 except MN.

I work in the gambling industry so long opening hours 7 days a week...

I have a similar experience and know how it feels. DH has a close-knit group of friends but I lost a few friends when I had my DS(6), and then the pandemic has shed a few more (their choice, not mine).

I have made a few mum friends and acquaintances, but recently realised that I’m only invited to things involving the kids. Only twice been to a group drinks, but no one is interested in socialising with me just as adults. Everyone I know is off to some kind of Christmas party or drinks etc and I’ve not had a single invite. I’ve lost the confidence to suggest to others to go out.

DH works long hours so I don’t have the luxury of meeting people through hobbies in the evenings; the gym has provided me with some friendly acquaintances but I’ve noticed that all go off for coffee, shopping etc in their own groups.

I’m starting to look for a new job (currently SAHM) and it would be nice to meet some like-minded people eventually, however it seems to be a MN favourite to pour scorn on anyone hoping to be friendly with people outside of work. But where do you meet people if you don’t have the luxury of doing group hobby activities outside of work?
It’s crap isn’t it?