Is this odd?

[Emma301]

So I really struggled breastfeeding my first baby and didn’t get much support from the midwife and felt like I was doing it wrong/failing..long story short we switched to formula quite quickly. Since having my second baby I have struggled with a lot of guilt as I have managed to breastfeed him very easily and keep thinking my daughter is at a disadvantage and I have failed her. To alleviate some of my guilt I have on occasions give her some expressed milk in her cereal/in a cup and she has drank quite a lot. Is this really weird and should this make me feel better as I really don’t want to feel guilty about this anymore and it has got that bad I think I might be getting PND about it all as ultimately I want to be the best mum possible for my children.

How old is she?
Tbf whatever age she is it’s fine, don’t stress over it and there is no need to feel guilty over not BF her as a baby. You fed her and she is obviously thriving.

Don't feel guilty. Every child is different, I breastfed both DDs for 6 weeks exclusive, then mixed then on to formula as it was easier and they settled better.
DS was EBF for 6 months until we started weaning and then carried on BF until he was 18 months old.
DS just latched on and settled better, whereas the girls never did!
Above anything, don't feel bad, your babies are fed and that is what matters.

Thank you for getting back to me. She is 3? Will she benefit at all from any expressed milk? Everybody keeps telling me I need to not feel guilty but I do and it is really playing on my mind..would it have helped that she did get a few feeds initially?

You gave her formula because you had too. She would have lost weight and not thrived! You did what was best for her. No it's not weird to put some expressed milk on her cereal. Cows milk is also expressed milk! My son was the same wouldn't latch. And the same with my daughter I've managed to feed her. I feel sad at times my son didn't get the milk but also happy I didn't have to wean him off as I'm dreading that with my daughter she's obsessed!

The most important part of breast milk is the colostrum in the first few days, which it sounds like she had? Please don't feel guilty, you did the best you could at the time which is all that matters. Many women can't breastfeed or do so for long for whatever reason and each child is different, as pp said, some just latch and settle to it better than others! Perhaps try and be a bit kinder to yourself xx

Giving breast milk to your 3 year old won’t do any harm at all, not sure if it is of any benefit nutritionally. She will get all the vitamins she needs from the food she eats. If you want to add breast milk then do it.
I didn’t bf my first—- no help from midwives, very difficult birth etc… bf second for a year. They both grew up just fine and had the same amount of childhood illnesses, neither was weaker or more poorly than the other.
You’re doing absolutely fine, don’t beat yourself up over not bf your first —- you did what you could, with the resources you had at the time.

It’s so hard because you want to get everything ‘perfect’ don’t you?

In my head the perfect mother breastfeeds for years..has the perfect birth…organic foods, no dummies. Keep thinking I have failed at the first hurdle with my first

Very old book called the Good Enough Parent ( Wiinnacot? Wonnacot? Something like that) The perfect parent might have too high standards which put high demands on others, high expectations and disappointment when not met. Unrealistic ideas of perfection which can rarely be realised. The woefully inadequate parent cannot provide for their child, neglects them, abandons them, awful all round.
The good enough parent provides for their children and has realities expectations. Sometimes life’s not perfect but their child is cared for and loved. No undue stress is put on others to be perfect 100% of the time, and the parent realises they don’t have to be perfect 100% of the time.
It’s great to be the good enough parent. Are your children healthy, happy, clean, fed and contented? You did that. Don’t put undue pressure on yourself —- that way lies disappointment, sadness and discontent.