To not visit my mother regularly.

[EverybodySingHumf]

We lived in the same area, streets away and she moved to about a 25 min drive but 1 hour bus journey. I don't drive so would be 2 hours on bus each visit.

She does drive but doesn't have a car presently. My father does drive and she could visit when he gets home from work each day at 3pm. He has weekends off too.

I haven't seen her in about 6 weeks. I was told by a relative she had been moaning about this.

The way I see it is she chose to move away. I have 5 kids. It's a long journey after school, a lot of travelling (we can't get a lift home either as won't fit in my dad's car) It's dark after school, often rainy.
Weekends are busy with activities and there are usually other relatives round at hers and with us having so many kids it's cramped!

Also the bus is around £15!

I feel like when my kids leave home it will be more my responsibility to go see them. Sure I would like them to visit though.

There's also unresolved shit from my childhood that makes me less interested too in all honesty. I do love her but I do have resentment to some stuff.

So AIBU? Should I do the long, pricy journeys to see her or should she hop in the car if she wants to?

She wants to see you, she makes the effort!

Save your money, we'll all need it come April when electricity prices go up.

Could you both agree to compromise and take turns.

However saying that it’s me that visits my mum more than her visiting me.

Mil hasn’t been in our house for over 5 years cause she doesn’t visit, we visit her when we have time.

6 weeks isn't a long time not to see your mother - surely? Many people live at opposite ends of the country to other family members. Sure.y phone calls/face time can be used for catching up?

What did she think would happen? Could you schedule going up once a month perhaps?

I'm finding it a bit odd that you said that she moved away - I thought she was on her own - then your father popped up. Was it a joint decision in your view?

It sounds really difficult. And I don't see a gap of 6 weeks as that long in the scheme of things. Could you phone more often? Arrange to meet up halfway?

It’s not fair to expect someone to spend £15 and travel 2 hours b/f to see you, YANBU.

it would be the moaning to other people that would grind my gears, she must realise it gets back to you or she doesn't care. Df can drive her surely he wants to see his dd and dgc ?

Perhaps she is awaiting an invitation? Have a conversation with your mother & explain the costs, logistics, barriers to you going there. Tell her she is welcome to come to yours. Check schedules and invite her round once/twice/3× per week/fortnight/month/quarter etc at your convenience. Put some dates in the diary.

Fill the void with plenty of phone calls and invite them round perhaps as a bit of hint until it becomes normal.

Does she realise the cost and time? If she’s always had access to a car/oap transport pass she might not have a clue.

You have five children? People come to you! No argument.

What did you say to your relative?

I would have replied-‘oh dear-well, it’s difficult since she moved away and I don’t drive. It’s a shame she doesn’t visit me more if she misses us.’

@SantasGoodLittleGirl. Yeah, my family take that line and tbh it pissed me off a wee bit when I had DS, and none of my family visited me (I had to stay near the local hospital for about 8 months after DS was born as I was quite ill and in and out of hospital). After years of me visiting them and their families, no one came to visit us. I no longer visit them now.

Carinattheliqorstore1

That's awful - a very thoughtless family you have.

Why doesn’t she just come at weekends when your df is around? How the heck does she expect you to visit with 5 dc and a £15 bus ride?

@SantasGoodLittleGirl

You have five children? People come to you! No argument.

Agree

So she could drive over at 3 pm but when did she used to come?

I agree bus is too much. Explain this and then the ball is in her court. I would however visit once at the weekend to see her new place.

I think there has to be a bot of give and take. So you should sometimes visit her but mostly she should come to you. Thst said, do you invite her over?

I think give and take is fair. A one hour drive is still going to cost your parents petrol. I'd invite her once then go to her the next time. Do you expect everyone to always come to you just because you have 5 kids?

Nah, you have 5 kids, onus is on her. Unless she’s 110, in which case, a compromise might be needed.

I think it depends. If you’re prioritising ‘expensive’ bus journeys and walking with 5 kids for other reasons and people rather than a once in a week visit to your parents then she has a right to be upset. You don’t drive and have 5 kids EVERY journey will be difficult. You can’t use that as an excuse to sit at home and twiddle your thumbs.

Does she ever drive your father’s car when he’s not using it?

Is she old enough to get a bus pass, if so why can’t she make the bus journey herself? It’ll be easier and cheaper than taking 5 kids on the bus!