or is it all utterly pointless

[deaexmachina]

Honestly I just feel like I’m waiting to die. I don’t want to die just to be clear. I’m not suicidal. I just feel so meh. The few friends I have don’t have time for me. Wider family is unsupportive. Immediate family isn’t interested. I work, wash clothes, provide food repeat repeat. It’s just a treadmill. I’ve had therapy for anxiety and I’ve been referred for an ADHD assessment (I know I have it, it’s a formality, hoping to get meds for it). Just sick of everything. Is this it? Drudgery.

You're not no one to your son.

I know what you mean op . Alot if drudgery and little time to do anything u want to do and even if you could get out and do it the " cost" of doing it, the child care arrangements , and the chores that won't get done that day/evening make feel like it's not even worth bothering especially with no garuntee u meet anyone or like anyone or be able to attend the next week cos your shift changes etc

Its hard . And you don't have to be depressed to find it so

Whatwouldscullydo - exactly! The hidden cost of doing anything makes it not worth doing. Plus I feel so worn out I’d struggle to connect socially as I have to work harder at that anyway with my neurology.