Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Boyfriend offering to work Christmas ...

45 replies

richiebxxx · 10/12/2021 18:12

Just me and my boyfriend this year.
He is working Christmas Eve 9am till 11 pm
Off Christmas Day
Boxing Day 9 am -1 am
Nye-12 pm-1am
Nyd 9am -10 pm

He was meant to be off nye but his friend who has kids asked would he do his shift and he agreed

Aibu to be a bit annoyed?
I'm gonna be alone most of the time

OP posts:

rooarsome · 10/12/2021 19:55

Is the minimum rest hours not 11?

Babymamamama · 10/12/2021 19:56

I mean you can’t knock his work ethic. Assuming local restrictions allow it I would be looking to make some nice plans with friends. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean living in each others pocket. If and when you have your own family you may be grateful when those who don’t step up and cover seasonal shifts to allow your DP to have a “family” Christmas.

dustofneptune · 10/12/2021 19:57

Hmmm it's tricky. I see why you're upset, for sure. Because it sounds to me like you would have just preferred to have discussed Christmas / NYE instead of him just signing up for the hours, as if you were an after-thought?

But I also see why he was happy / keen to take the extra work. Assuming he wants the cash.

How long have you been together? Do you live together?

I used to work in retail, and to be honest, I would just agree to whatever work was sent my way, then tell my girlfriend at the time what hours I'd be working. She'd do the same. Then we'd make our own plans around it.

Although another ex actively volunteered to work on my birthday weekend without discussing it with me. I found that shitty, because I place more importance on birthdays than Christmas.

It could be that your boyfriend just doesn't think of Christmas as being that special? Especially given his line of work?

ToykotoLosAngeles · 10/12/2021 19:57

I'd want NYE off if I were child-free and working Christmas Eve. Why did he give up his night off just because his mate has kids?

DrierThanANunsNasty · 10/12/2021 19:59

Sounds about right, I did this in hospitality for years. Hopefully he gets tips as people tend to be a lot more generous at this time of year.

It’s a shame you won’t see each other much at Christmas OP but you have to value his work ethic and the fact he’s helping a friend out - that’s marriage material compared to some of the cocklodgers I read about on here

JorisBonson · 10/12/2021 19:59

DH is working 12 hour shifts all Christmas. I'm going to my parents. It's just the way it is in certain industries.

Thethingswedidanddidntdo · 10/12/2021 20:00

A lot of people don't get extra rate for working over Christmas. Sorry he'll be busy OP, I hope you have other family or friends nearby?

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 10/12/2021 20:02

@rooarsome

Is the minimum rest hours not 11?

I used to work AFD shifts when I was young and child free. That's what they were down as on the rota. It stood for all fucking day. I'd work 8am until 1am and back at 8am the next day. I could have said no of course. But I wanted the money so didn't

JammyGem · 10/12/2021 20:05

I thought it would be hospitality - DH is the same.
Last year was the first Christmas we spent together thanks to covid, but I'm afraid to say that of your partner works in hospitality you'll have to learn to suck it up. It's horrible, but that's the way it is.

Landof · 10/12/2021 20:06

I'd find some friends or family to see!

JammyGem · 10/12/2021 20:07

Sorry, just realised he's off on Christmas Day itself. I don't really see the problem, unless you were planning to travel to family a long way away for Chrostmas and now can go together?

Beautiful3 · 10/12/2021 20:11

I wouldn't mind that, because we have christmas day together and he has a great work ethic.

Flipflopblowout · 10/12/2021 20:12

His mate is being a CF, ok asking for cover for Xmas day because of kids but not NYE

Kite22 · 10/12/2021 20:13

I think it shows what a nice guy you've got, that he is prepared to help out someone for whom Christmas is more crucial that they are home. I think when you are young and don't have kids, it is the time to step up, and then you hope that someone will do the same for you when it is your turn.

I mean, I think the hours many people work in hospitality are ridiculous and I would have to think long and hard before committing to a relationship with someone who worked those hours, but specific to offering to do his mate's shift because it is Christmas, wouldn't make me cross.

Why would you be on your own ? Where are all the other people in your life ?

mogsrus · 10/12/2021 20:13

Hospitality. The one where people work for other people’s pleasure, if only some of the people could see it, gone to work NYE @ 10am,finished 4:30 NYD, beans on toast before bed back the same day @ 11am to finish at 6. such is the hotel trade. Very tough life for little respect or money

llangollen21 · 10/12/2021 20:14

Is he someone who finds saying 'no' difficult? YANBU for being annoyed.

newnamefor2021 · 10/12/2021 20:15

That sucks OP. I agree he should have at least discussed it with you.

My husband worked our first Christmas together when I was 600 mile from home and I was devastated. He always works New Years now which doesn't make a huge problem for us, although it would be nice to have him home instead.

To whoever said 16 hours days are illegal, I don't think they are. My husbands done more than that on one day this week, there is a 45 hour maximum weeks but many industries make you opt out of that and then they can make you work whatever they want.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/12/2021 20:20

Its unsafe to work that long but it's completely normal in hospitality and if you refused you'd be out of a job. Its normally split shifts but worked so that it's not actually worth going home for the hour or so you get off.

It's not great OP but I used to volunteer to work over xmas when I didnt have kids, as I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. Also normally there is not a shortage of people to chill in with or go out with or have a party with on NYE

DeepaBeesKit · 11/12/2021 06:55

Is he a chef

DeepaBeesKit · 11/12/2021 06:56

Oh and I think its really kind of him to help a friend.

Is he fussed about Christmas? Some people arent, if you aren't it can be a great time to work - loads of massive tips etc.

Flip

1 2