Am I doing the wrong thing? Telling my husband I want a divorce?

[Unknown455]

I've posted on here before about my husband, who is pakiatani who I have 2 kids with, ages 4 and 6. He's hit me, emotionally abused me, I know I've not been perfect either and I've made mistakes but I have realised now that I deserve more and so do my children. The only reason I've stayed for this long is bevause I didn't want to ruin my kids lives, bevause we are Muslim I thought by us staying together I wouldn't be making their life a misery, I got married at 16 ( I'm only 23 now) obvooislt now I'm a grown up, and have 2 kids of my own I have matured so much and even though my kids made me I realise truly now I was just far to young, my parents obviously at the time never wanted me to get married bevause I know i was still a baby myself. For the past 7 years of marriage he's hardly been here, I do everything for the kids as if I was a single parent. Because I got married so young I dropped out of school, left my education and I've stayed for so long out of the fear I couldn't give my kids anything plus my husband putting it into my mind that I am ruining my kids lives.

I live 2 hours away from my family, I have finally made up my mind that I want to move back home, I'm scared as I have nothing to give my children but I know being with my family I'd have my mum their to help with my children and I'd be able to go back to college and build my life up, I know I'm still so young and I know it's not to late and it will be hard but I can do it bevause I will have the support their that I don't have here ( my husband won't let me go to college or anything) I'm just worried that I will regret this and it will be a huge mistake, I know alot of it is just fear maybe of even being alone but I'm practically a single parent anyway as my husband does nothing for the kids. My daughter has been having behavioural issues now for a while, she is a very smart little girl and I've asked her whats wrong with her for weeks but she wouldn't tell me ( she's seen her dad hit me, her dad as hit her and regularly just talks rudely to me and the kids and shout at them when he does see them) she says it's bevause of daddy he makes her unhappy bevause he always hits and shouts at people. I've noticed over the past few weeks as well since making Christmas things that she only writes " to mummy" she never writes or makes anything for her dad or to me and him. I was crying earlier this evening with my daughter when she told me this. Am I making the right decision? I feel like i'm finally ready to do this

You brave wonderful mother.

Pack, do NOT say a word.

Alert your family, ONLzy if they are supportive.

Pack the children's teddies as a priority, passports and any financial documents.

Report to the police 101 that you are leaving a domestic violence situation where you have been assaulted AND that your children are witness to it and have been assaulted.

This is very important.

Please leave without hesitation ASAP.

You are so brave and are doing the right thing.

Run! Run like the wind. Show your children no-one has to put up with this.

You will need a plan. Get bank statements, mortgage documentation, all financial information. You have financial entitlements by law. Get some legal advice - can your family help with this?
Then when everything is in place, ask your mum or another relative to be in the same room with you (no children at home) while you tell him. Then leave. And never look back.
You sound strong and intelligent. A wonderful role model for your children!

You are ready :)

Please read up in escape plan advice on Refuge and Women's Aid - this is really crucial.

Leaving an abuser can be the riskiest time so you need to have a plan in place. As others have said, get all your important documentation (financial, passports, birth certificate etc) out the house and take copies of anything else.

Inform trusted friends and relatives. Agree a safe word. Get hold of a back up phone if you can. Download what3words.

www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/support-for-women/planning-to-leave/

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

You are doing the right thing and all your lives will be so much better for it. You've got this :)

Don't shy away from looking at getting an emergency injunction in place, either. The website I gave have links to this service, you won't haven't pay if you can't afford to, but here's the link anyway:

www.ncdv.org.uk/

Remember, it's free. And I know it may seem scary or you may feel guilty for it, that's normal, but I've been through this process with someone and the organisation were really helpful, did all the effort. You can ask as many questions as you like, agree a friend to join calls with you if you wish, and you can always withdraw if you want to. But it does help and it does make a difference.

Yes go. Absolutely leave. It's great you have your family to go back to.

There are advantages to having children young, as they're both now at school it'll be easier to restart your education and get a career going.
You have your whole life to look forward to.

You are so close OP! You and your children can have a wonderful life but only if you get away from this horrible man.

Most women who try to leave their abuser struggle and return I think 3 times before they finally break free. But SOME of them break free the first time. You have parents to help and support you theough this, in ten years that may not be the case. You live in a country that supports your choices. Your daughter is being damaged by the situation.

Just go. There is no way on earth you will ever regret it.