Is he ghosting | Mumsnet

WhenSepEnds · 10/12/2021 16:44

@Sammybammy123

I met a guy on Bumble last week We had a facetime date because he was too busy packing before be went to his home town He liked the facetime date and then asked me for a coffee

I liked him and had not had sex for ages and felt attracted so I went for it
(Condoms etc)

Had not discussed anything like relationship expectations as it all went so fast

Anyway he was in touch by texting via the app after the hookup. He asked me to send him some selfies etc and the conversation seemed the same. I sent him some about 48 hours ago and have not heard back.

AIBU to feel he is ghosting? He asked after the hookup to see me again. He will not be back until January.

I am not sure what to do - Would you all feel he was ghosting? And if so Do I just unmatch him on Bumble?

Have another date (3rd date) from the app tonight - so still out searching anyway.

Is 48 hours longer than it normally takes him to reply?

Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 10/12/2021 16:49

He used to take 12 hours sometimes - not normally this long. He was messaging loads from the app from the airport the next day - which is why I am a bit confused? And the actual content of his last message seemed very similar to before the hookup.

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WhenSepEnds · 10/12/2021 16:51

@Sammybammy123

He used to take 12 hours sometimes - not normally this long. He was messaging loads from the app from the airport the next day - which is why I am a bit confused? And the actual content of his last message seemed very similar to before the hookup.

Hopefully he's just busy then. Not great timing if he is still keen to be going quiet. Good that you have another upcoming date though, hope that goes well

Tal45 · 10/12/2021 16:53

He could be busy with family and friends. I'd just put him on the back burner for now, go on your date and not give it too much thought. You've only met him once so I'd leave things open and just carry on as you are.

Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 10/12/2021 16:54

Yep - I know not everyone is going to be a match for each other but I feel better just knowing either way so I can wish him well with no hard feelings.

Its this sort of inbetween that kills me!

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Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 10/12/2021 16:56

@Tal45

He could be busy with family and friends. I'd just put him on the back burner for now, go on your date and not give it too much thought. You've only met him once so I'd leave things open and just carry on as you are.

Yep - I do not want to unmatch him just yet - incase it potentially ruins something that could have been great and have jumped to conclusions (have done that before)

The chemistry between us during the hookup date was great - I suppose thats why we hooked up 😂

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HollyChristmas · 10/12/2021 16:56

Hoping the selfies were of the clothed kind ?

Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 10/12/2021 16:58

Yes I go the gym most mornings and teach yoga - outwith my job - so he likes a gym selfie 😀

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Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 10/12/2021 17:01

@HollyChristmas

Hoping the selfies were of the clothed kind ?

Yes gym selfie. Maybe I have stunned him into silence 😯

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LJAKS · 10/12/2021 17:05

Suppose it depends what you're happy with. I wouldn't be over the moon with not hearing from someone for two days after having sex with them and would cut my losses as to me it's a bit disrespectful. Takes two seconds to send a text. No time for ghosting. When it becomes apparent that's what's happening I tend to call them out on it. It's shit behaviour.

CityCommuter · 10/12/2021 17:07

@Sammybammy123 when were you hoping to see him again, before January?

Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 10/12/2021 17:10

I cannot see him again because he went home for Christmas - he will not be back to my city until January

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Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 10/12/2021 17:12

@LJAKS

Suppose it depends what you're happy with. I wouldn't be over the moon with not hearing from someone for two days after having sex with them and would cut my losses as to me it's a bit disrespectful. Takes two seconds to send a text. No time for ghosting. When it becomes apparent that's what's happening I tend to call them out on it. It's shit behaviour.

This is what I mean - he DID message me loads from the airport the next day and was in touch every dat for a few days - but now its went silence. If he had gone silent for 24/48 hours after the hookup I would have been livid and called him Out.

Its the fact that we had one date, we hooked up and then he left the next day. Now communication has slowed.

Part of me wants to hold out but the other part of me feels he never messaged for that long after sex he is a WANKER!

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 10/12/2021 18:48

I’d sit on your hands and focus on other dates
He’s maybe ghosting
And maybe he’ll be back in touch
But I’d say given this doubt don’t contact him and focus elsewhere
It’s a bummer this game !

CheddarGorgeous · 10/12/2021 20:49

So you had sex with someone when you met them for the for first time IRL? No judgement but it's not necessarily a foundation for an actual relationship.

Yummypumpkin · 10/12/2021 20:51

I don't think he's ghosting but as he seems fairly sex motivated (unless he was asking for selfie of you in your knitwear?) Then until he is back in town and can have sex again he won't see the need to be in touch.

I wouldn't block. Neither would I prepare for a great romance (with him..
Hope your other date goes well!)

MushMonster · 10/12/2021 20:56

He may be busy with the family at home.
I would not unmatch, but neither sit around waiting for a reply.
You say you have other dates planned? So go for it, and if you get your head turned in other direction, unmatch him then?

DrManhattan · 10/12/2021 21:01

He might just be a shagger

furbabymama87 · 10/12/2021 21:06

@CheddarGorgeous

So you had sex with someone when you met them for the for first time IRL? No judgement but it's not necessarily a foundation for an actual relationship.

I agree, and I say that as someone who shagged their husband on the first date. But I think it's unusual that that's the way things work out in most cases. The risk of doing it straight away is that it's just based on sex. If you're OK with that then great but don't be surprised when they don't call, unless it's for more sex.

Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 11/12/2021 08:07

The date last night went well - but nil reply since Wednesday now
So dealing with a ghoster I would say

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LJAKS · 15/12/2021 11:52

@Sammybammy123 what's the verdict? 👻?

DrManhattan · 16/12/2021 08:49

@LJAKS we've been ghosted now lol

Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 19/12/2021 14:22

[quote DrManhattan]@LJAKS we've been ghosted now lol[/quote]
well! He has been in touch since to apologise for lack of communication - a few messages back and forward? Not full on ghosting but I will see what the lay of the land is when you gets back. Things are progressing with the other from last week. 4th date with no kiss though? Mind you three of those dates have been day dates and one a dinner date. He is either a gentleman or not interested. Cannot work out men at all xx

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Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 19/12/2021 14:37

[quote LJAKS]@Sammybammy123 what's the verdict? 👻?[/quote]
Semi Ghost 😂

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Original poster

Sammybammy123 · 27/12/2021 06:19

No messages whatsoever over Christmas 😂😮
Ghosted
Sent him emoji christmas tree etc nil response

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