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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH issues

13 replies

sunflowersandstars · 10/12/2021 15:01

So my DH has been like this since the beginning of this pregnancy (I'm 35 weeks tomorrow) - he comes home late, spends free time with his friends, and thinks taking me for doctor visits and scans is his only responsibility. But now, it has gotten to the point where we hardly spend time with each other. His brother and his family are here from abroad, and he's ALWAYS busy with them. During the day, he's out for work / chores related to them and at night he looks after their baby who stays up almost every night or he just stays up chatting with them (they aren't over their jet lag yet). I'm an extremely light sleeper so I often get very disturbed at night - just a cherry on top of pregnancy insomnia, frequent pee trips at night and restless legs. Even right now he has taken them out for dinner really far from home. I couldn't go because I have been told not to over exert with a low lying placenta and we live on the third floor of a flat that doesn't have an elevator 🙄

Am I really being unreasonable if I feel alone and left out? I do understand that his family has come to visit after a very long time, but I because I can't go out much because of the stairs and have been told to restrict activity, I'm home all the time. Just a month to go till my precious little baby arrives, and then hopefully I won't give a damn about who does what! I know it'll all be worth it when the baby arrives. And I'm being extra cautious just to keep my baby girl safe in there. Advice on how to keep myself sane will be appreciated!

OP posts:
lockdownalli · 10/12/2021 15:07

I don't understand why he is up every night with his DN.

Are they living with you?

sunflowersandstars · 10/12/2021 15:22

@lockdownalli yes they're living with us. We live a joint family in a house where the entire extended family lives together - PIL, SIL and now the guests, BIL, SIL and their baby.

OP posts:
sunflowersandstars · 10/12/2021 15:24

Funny bit- he has always been repeating that once the baby is born, he would move to the spare bedroom so he sleeps peacefully through the night when the baby wakes up at night. And ironically, he stays up almost every night taking care of their baby. 🤐

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 10/12/2021 15:29

@sunflowersandstars

Funny bit- he has always been repeating that once the baby is born, he would move to the spare bedroom so he sleeps peacefully through the night when the baby wakes up at night. And ironically, he stays up almost every night taking care of their baby. 🤐
I would be asking him why he won’t be staying up with your own baby if he can do it for someone else’s
Merryoldgoat · 10/12/2021 15:52

Where are the good bits of this relationship?

sunflowersandstars · 10/12/2021 16:41

@Soubriquet apparently because they're here after years and SIL is newly pregnant and is weaning the baby off breastfeeding so she doesn't want the baby to sleep with her through the night.

@Merryoldgoat I don't know. I just want my baby to arrive happy and healthy so I can just get busy with her and not think about all this 😕

OP posts:
lockdownalli · 10/12/2021 17:06

I would be asking him why he won’t be staying up with your own baby if he can do it for someone else’s

I agree with this - and I would ask him in front of his family. It sounds like he is showing off what a great dad he is going to be, whilst secretly intending to leave you to it.

Most of us would not want house guests in late pregnancy OP - it sounds very stressful. Stay calm and serene, but you do need to have some difficult conversations with DH about what kind of parenting he is intending to do.

Merryoldgoat · 10/12/2021 18:48

OP - having a baby doesn’t make problems go away. I suggest to get this sorted out sooner rather than later.

Skyll · 10/12/2021 18:52

When did the visitors arrive and how long are they staying for?

sunflowersandstars · 11/12/2021 15:35

@Skyll they arrived last week and will be staying till a day after my due date

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 11/12/2021 20:03

I just want my baby to arrive happy and healthy so I can just get busy with her and not think about all this 😕

This is so worrying.

The baby won't make it better.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 11/12/2021 20:05

I would be finding a new address op. Your family maybe? Where is the support for you? He sounds an utter twat.

girlmom21 · 11/12/2021 20:10

If they're not over their jet lag yet they haven't been there very long at all, and their baby sounds older.

I'm not excusing anything as you've said he's been like this for a long time but I don't think looking after his niece or nephew for a few nights is the problem here.

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