Gifted too much

[WhenSepEnds]

Totally a first world problem, I know but my friend has turned up with a HUGE BAG of presents for my DS Xmas. She has also included gifts for myself and DH. We had agreed to not buy for each other, just the kids as she is not working at the minute and I am on statutory maternity pay so don't have a lot of spare money. We also set a budget for the kids and she has clearly gone way over (presents in bag but not wrapped so can see them)

Now I feel awful as I handed her over a tiny amount of presents in comparison for her DS and nothing for her.

AIBU to be annoyed? Should I buy more and take it round?

Don't buy more, you already discussed and agreed a sensible plan given that you are both on restricted incomes. I agree that it is somewhat annoying that she was unable to stick to the agreement. I would worry a little that she might have got herself into debt as a result. None of which is your fault.

Don't be pressured into matching what she has bought, you agreed beforehand. Do you think that she's dropped them off early so you would have time to shop to give back? I'd speak to her about it.

It sounds like she is just being nice by spoiling you through what she knows is a tight time for you?

Say thanks very much and enjoy your gifts

@Ponoka7

Don't be pressured into matching what she has bought, you agreed beforehand. Do you think that she's dropped them off early so you would have time to shop to give back? I'd speak to her about it.

It doesn't sound like something she would do to be honest. I think she's had only good intentions but now I feel it's really one sided

@AssassinatedBeauty

Don't buy more, you already discussed and agreed a sensible plan given that you are both on restricted incomes. I agree that it is somewhat annoying that she was unable to stick to the agreement. I would worry a little that she might have got herself into debt as a result. None of which is your fault.

That was exactly my worry. I think she has been saving whilst she was working so I'm hoping it's saving she's used...

@ShirleyPhallus

It sounds like she is just being nice by spoiling you through what she knows is a tight time for you?

Say thanks very much and enjoy your gifts

Oh I honestly think it was with the best of intentions!

If you know her intentions are good then feeling bad or annoyed are the last things she wants. Don't take more round, guilt presents would be horrible, just be appreciative of what she got and be happy to have a lovely friend.

No don't buy more. Same thing happened between us and sil. She realised that day, that I meant it! The following year she bought accordingly.

@Tal45

If you know her intentions are good then feeling bad or annoyed are the last things she wants. Don't take more round, guilt presents would be horrible, just be appreciative of what she got and be happy to have a lovely friend.

Yeah I think you're right

@Beautiful3

No don't buy more. Same thing happened between us and sil. She realised that day, that I meant it! The following year she bought accordingly.

It's just frustrating. I'm now embarrassed but haven't really done anything wrong. I know she didn't mean it to embarrass me but I don't know why she couldn't just stick to the agreement

Sometimes this happens with my best friend and I. One year I'll buy her and her DC quite a few bits, the next year money might be a bit tight and I'll get them less. Same for her, giving us less or more depending on what she can afford that year.

Please don't feel bad, she probably does just want to treat you!

@CoodleMoodle

Sometimes this happens with my best friend and I. One year I'll buy her and her DC quite a few bits, the next year money might be a bit tight and I'll get them less. Same for her, giving us less or more depending on what she can afford that year.

Please don't feel bad, she probably does just want to treat you!

I think that's the case

My brother in law kept buying my kids gifts long after we stopped buying his kids gifts. It was embarrassing at first but really if it gave them pleasure fine. But I wasn't going to be guilted into buying gifts (in this case for kids I didn't know hardly at all).
You had an agreement which she decided to ignore. Be graceful in your thanks but do not rush out to even up.

I bought my dsis and her family an extravagant present last year. I couldn’t see them and my dsis was not long back from mat leave and they didn’t have much money so I just wanted to treat them. I would have been so upset if she had tried to reciprocate and the beautiful seasonal flower arrangement she always sends is one of my favourite gifts in any case.

She’s the one who changed the agreed plan. You don’t have any reason to feel bad!

I almost broke the our rules and bought my friend a Christmas gift this year, just because I really appreciate her, and I got really excited about it! I then caught myself at a random moment in the day and realised it would be embarrassing for her, and was mortified that I could have done that for about an hour (I over-think, but also under-think, clearly!)

I’m betting your friend just didn’t have that moment!

I would bring in up late next year in a really low-key way and enjoy the all the thought she put in for now.

@FabriqueBelgique

I almost broke the our rules and bought my friend a Christmas gift this year, just because I really appreciate her, and I got really excited about it! I then caught myself at a random moment in the day and realised it would be embarrassing for her, and was mortified that I could have done that for about an hour (I over-think, but also under-think, clearly!)

I’m betting your friend just didn’t have that moment!

I would bring in up late next year in a really low-key way and enjoy the all the thought she put in for now.

Yeah it was absolutely not done in any malice just feel a bit embarrassed now

@LuaDipa

I bought my dsis and her family an extravagant present last year. I couldn’t see them and my dsis was not long back from mat leave and they didn’t have much money so I just wanted to treat them. I would have been so upset if she had tried to reciprocate and the beautiful seasonal flower arrangement she always sends is one of my favourite gifts in any case.

That sounds really kind

@witsendeverytime

My brother in law kept buying my kids gifts long after we stopped buying his kids gifts. It was embarrassing at first but really if it gave them pleasure fine. But I wasn't going to be guilted into buying gifts (in this case for kids I didn't know hardly at all). You had an agreement which she decided to ignore. Be graceful in your thanks but do not rush out to even up.

Thank you think that's good advice

If it's a good friend, she probably wanted to treat you because you're going through the mill a bit at the moment?
Don't worry about it - sometimes my friends pay a bit more gifts/going out, and vice versa if situations get reversed.