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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Families at war

7 replies

autumnglow1 · 10/12/2021 13:09

Hang tight, this is a long one. My partner had a falling out with his sister a year ago due to the way she was treating their mom. His mom would constantly call him crying and he snapped at his sister and foul exchanges were said by both. They haven't spoken for a year but the sister remains close to the mom. During this time my partner also had a falling out with his father and stepmom. His dad started making excuses for us to not go round to see him but would allow the sister. She eventually took covid into their home. My partner was furious. Called his dad and explained how he felt and questioned why we weren't allowed to see him and why he was lying about the fact his sister was still visiting him if we weren't allowed. (This is when covid restrictions were lifted) They haven't spoken since. His father removed me from all social media. We have a 3 year old daughter who now hasn't seen her grandad for nearly a year. He has made no contact whatsoever ever. Nothing. Didn't even send her a birthday card. I've tried to contact them saying they could take our daughter to the park ect as his dad refused to come into our home at all but they've ignored me. AIBU to be angry that our daughter has to miss out on relationships over such trivial arguments and their sheer lack of effort to see her. Things are made worse the fact that our daughter is extremely poorly and spends a lot of time in hospital and they have not once asked how she is when they know she is unwell. I know my partner misses his dad but he is far too stubborn to make contact. How can grandparents not miss their grandchild. I'm baffled. 🙃

OP posts:
BobbieT1999 · 10/12/2021 13:14

I'm not sure that your dd is missing out on much, tbh. Her grandparents sound awful. Cutting off a grandchildren, especially one who's been seriously unwell, because you've fallen out with their parent is spiteful and manipulative.

Of course ynbu for being angry and upset on your dd behalf but I wouldn't encourage a relationship any further.

Better to be without than to live with a toxic one.

autumnglow1 · 10/12/2021 13:28

@BobbieT1999

I'm not sure that your dd is missing out on much, tbh. Her grandparents sound awful. Cutting off a grandchildren, especially one who's been seriously unwell, because you've fallen out with their parent is spiteful and manipulative.

Of course ynbu for being angry and upset on your dd behalf but I wouldn't encourage a relationship any further.

Better to be without than to live with a toxic one.

I'm so glad this is what you think too because this is exactly what I've said to my partner. He really thought they would send a card for our DD birthday but nothing. I was so angry.
OP posts:
Iputthetrampintrampoline · 10/12/2021 13:43

I would look at it from the angle that if they are too petty and too nasty to try to sort out problems in a grown up way and deliberately target a little girl by cutting her off,a lovely innocent grandchild then you really have lost nothing, I would be rejoicing from the high heavens that your daughter doesn't have to have such mean toxic pathetic people in her life, Keep them away,it will make for happier times,Your little one will not need them for anything,

FreedomFaith · 10/12/2021 13:49

Stop reaching out to them. If they are this pathetic, they don't deserve to be in her life.

autumnglow1 · 10/12/2021 13:49

@Iputthetrampintrampoline

I would look at it from the angle that if they are too petty and too nasty to try to sort out problems in a grown up way and deliberately target a little girl by cutting her off,a lovely innocent grandchild then you really have lost nothing, I would be rejoicing from the high heavens that your daughter doesn't have to have such mean toxic pathetic people in her life, Keep them away,it will make for happier times,Your little one will not need them for anything,
I love this, just felt like I was letting her some but I can't force people to be in her life and I wouldn't want to. Thank you!
OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 10/12/2021 13:55

They’re a bunch of Dicks
You and your daughter aren’t missing anything. Well she might be missing a Grandparent but not those ones specifically

ElsieMc · 10/12/2021 14:08

My two eldest gc's live with me, but I dont see two of my other gc's due to their dm falling out with everyone, drinking heavily and treating her family (and children) appallingly. I had had enough of her ages ago but tolerated truly awful things for the childrens' sake. I am accordingly banned from seeing two of my gc's.

I am not sorry for myself, I am sorry for them. As harsh as it sounds, I have learned to live with it. I am busy caring for my two older gc's and my one year old gd one or two days a week. It is her call to cut them off from their family but I am at peace with it now. We send birthday cards, gifts etc but know anything of value will be taken from them.

Do not worry about your child. She cannot miss a good relationship with those who are not good people. In fact, from long, sorry history I think you are sparing her a whole lot of unhappiness. I am sorry to hear she is so poorly and you need to focus on this, as I am sure you are, rather than these people. The family sound toxic. Avoid.

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