To think this is a bit odd / suspicious... or am I over reacting?

[OtterlyAwesome]

Yesterday was a pretty bad day for Amnesia (Wednesday night was as well). I was supposed to go to therapy in the morning, I was definitely at the clinic but seemingly did not go to therapy.

I ended up speaking with a duty therapist yesterday afternoon and it was helpful but, just before I ended the call, she was asking if I was alone and when my partner would be home etc. Then pretty much said "well just don't self harm until then and he can support you." I have zero issue with how this is phrased (though appreciate some people may).

My issue is that I have no history of self harm, have never said I self harm, have never had thoughts of self harm and I am pretty annoyed that something on my notes indicates that this is normal behaviour for me.

Most of the recent conversations about harm have been totally the opposite - ie. staff saying what a great job I do at keeping myself safe so it's all come as a bit of a shock to think there's even a question about self harm.

Would it be a total wankerish move to put in a SAR to view my notes so I can see what I am saying that is making people believe I am harming myself? The clinic is (like everywhere) stupidly under resourced so I feel guilty doing this but I also want to know now why they think I am self harming?

I think YABU, and gently are probably being a bit paranoid.

They probably say something along those lines to everyone. What were her exact words ?

Those were the exact words.

What is it you think is suspicious about what she said?

Self harm and MH issues are frequent bedfellows so if this nurse has not read your full file and knows only that you have MH issues she was probably being cautious and ensuring you you could keep yourself safe.

I agree that that’s weird and isn’t something they just say to everyone. You can’t assume everyone with MH issues self harms.

The fact that she (doctor) had said she had read my file, was referring to things on my notes and that her main concern having done that was self harm.

I would take it as a blanket term she uses for everyone.

I have absolutely no history of self harm harm when I finished on the phone with counselling sessions earlier this year they said similar to me if it had been a rough session.

Ok so why are you suspicious about it?

I am suspicious that there is anything on my records regarding self harm when I have zero history of self harm behaviours.

Can you not see how that would be a little unnerving?

I wouldn’t do a subject access review. I’d just ask to discuss it with her. It’ll be a much more agreeable conclusion.

If you've never self harmed and you think your notes say you have, then yes ask to look at them.

She worded it badly. Not everyone with MH issues self harm. I'm sure they've asked you previously if you felt like harming yourself and as you say, you haven't. From past experience they don't phrase it like this and instead ask at other sessions if you've changed your mind about self harm. It does sound like she thinks you will self harm and I'd be curious to know why she thinks this.

Is there a reason you have a memory of going to the clinic but not having therapy? That sounds concerning.

Can you phone them back up and see if you can speak with them again and ask your question?

There’s nothing wrong in asking for a SAR! It isn’t a shitty move at all.
Either ask her or SAR (most likely it’ll be her way of phrasing things but I’d also want to know. Mind you, I self harm but it never appears on my medical notes…

@Thethreecs I have dissociative amnesia.

My case manager just emailed to say she thinks theres been a mistake because she cannot see it anywhere on my notes. Which I guess is good but I am still not trusting that there isn't anything on there.

ARGHHHH Hate being like this.

Of the only thing that will settle your suspicions is to ask foe SAR then do so it's not a dhitty thing to do.

not to pile on the paranoia but even an SAR may not show everything. If there is a professional opinion that disclosing something may be damaging to the patient or will breach someone else's confidentiality then it can be redacted. I suggest that you respond to your case manager saying what you have said here and asking for her help to feel reassured. If it was a duty professional and not someone who knows you she may either have made an error or it may be something she says when she thinks it might be appropriate regardless of their notes. As someone else has said, it doesn't always appear in the record.

I am not nitpicking but in your OP you say "pretty much said" and then when questioned you said "those were her exact words" do you think there is any chance at all you may be misremembering?

Nope, those were the exact words - and it our language "pretty much sad" is also used to say was said bluntly, ie. there was no flow of conversation regarding self harming before it.

I do understand about redactions - thanks. Unless they are describing a pack of lies there's nothing that will cause me harm - they pretty much know this. I have no history of self harm or suicidal thoughts.