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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bullying and trauma and when to give up

2 replies

octobersunshine · 10/12/2021 09:27

My son's dad was abusive to me in our relationship and after and has spent years alternating between not seeing our son and then pursuing me through the courts for different contact arrangements every few months. Safe to say I am traumatised by his behaviour.

We have a CAO and christmas arrangements only state that we alternative Christmas eve and Christmas day and the rest is agreed. This year, he is dictating he has our son for 8 days in a row of the holidays, whilst he is saying I have a couple of days at the very start and very end when I'm still in work and my office is open. He's saying he won't agree to anything less than that and will take me to court. He won't engage or answer the phone to discuss. I don't think he would be happy with that arrangement if it was reversed.

I feel so bullied and belittled and not allowed to express my own preferences about my own child without being threatened with legal action. He's always got his own way throughout his life and enabled by his family. I really don't want to play into that because I'm allowed to express feelings about my child without being a passive recipient of his rules, but I am also so exhausted and tired and can't cope with the constant battles and the emotional turmoil and sense of injustice.

Has anyone been through this and do you keep your boundaries, and how do you protect your mental health?

OP posts:
ChangeChingyChange · 10/12/2021 09:29

Just say no and he can take you to court. The order says the rest of the holidays have to be agreed but if he won't answer the phone and you Don't agree and you're you're resident parent then you can't do much more but keep your DC home. He's hoping you buckle etc. He doesn't have time to take you to court before Christmas. Stay strong, ignore.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 10/12/2021 10:00

In the end my exh got some sort of order against him to prevent him wasting court time keep taking me back. Maybe suggest this to your solicitor? He actually wrote to a judge direct asking him to give me a custodial sentence for a 'crime' a spelling error assumed I had made in the new court order!! Bonkers!!

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