Disappointed in myself

[Applesandblackcurrents]

Trigger warning- discussing weight loss

I don’t know why I’m posting this, I think I just needed to get it off my chest. I weighed myself for the first time in a couple of months and I’ve gained a stone. I’m still within the healthy weight range so I feel so guilty for even complaining about this, however this is the biggest I’ve ever been and I can’t shake off the feeling of hating myself for gaining weight.

Please don’t think im being horrible about people gaining weight, there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with it at all and the only important thing is how you feel about yourself. I feel like such an attention seeker because I know I’m still a healthy weight so I shouldn’t be complaining so I feel really guilty for feeling this way, but I can’t help but be annoyed at myself. I was happy with my weight before and now i can’t shake off the feeling that im massive and ugly.

So as to not drip feed, I went through a very short phase of deliberately throwing up when I was a teenager so I wouldn’t gain weight. Im NOT tempted to go back to this and I would never do it again as it is so unhealthy and I just wouldn’t do it, besides I have other health conditions now so being sick intentionally would be a bad idea even if I wanted to (which I don’t). But I feel like I’ve got the same feelings of self repulsion as I did back then when I hated myself for my weight. I just feel like bursting into tears, I can’t tell anyone about this in real life so I just had to post here. I’ve posted about other things but I name changed.

I know I’m not fat, so I feel so guilty for even feeling like this at all, but I can’t stop feeling so horrible. Has anyone ever lost a stone, how long roughly did it take you and what is the best way to safely do it? Thanks

Bless you. You know you aren’t overweight- this is a good start. To me, having an earring disorder (or disordered eating) is a bit like being an alcoholic. You will always be an alcoholic, but you can be in recovery for the rest of your life with literally no relapses.
I’ve relapsed into disordered eating a few times (started in teens, until early 20s, then again late 20s, again in 30s) reach out for help irl. Get some fresh air and exercise. Take a look at what you eat- with someone you trust if possible, not alone xx

Eating disorder, not earring! Although I do also have an earring disorder- I always bloody lose 1 so never have any pairs! X

Mumsnet and especially AIBU is really not the place for anyone with an eating disorder (past or present) to turn to for advice.

This chat forum (just like many others) has lots of people with eating disorders or just people with unhealthy attitudes towards food and weight in general.

If you're experiencing feelings of self repulsion, you need to see a professional. The internet is really not going to help you right now.

Good luck

Yes I agree with previous posters, speak to a professional about this if at all possible. This is quite a delicate subject and it's easy for somebody who doesn't know what they're talking about to say something harmful. I know how you feel though, hope you feel better soon xx

@Onehotmess

Bless you. You know you aren’t overweight- this is a good start. To me, having an earring disorder (or disordered eating) is a bit like being an alcoholic. You will always be an alcoholic, but you can be in recovery for the rest of your life with literally no relapses. I’ve relapsed into disordered eating a few times (started in teens, until early 20s, then again late 20s, again in 30s) reach out for help irl. Get some fresh air and exercise. Take a look at what you eat- with someone you trust if possible, not alone xx

Thank you soo much for the advice, I’ll definitely follow it. Yeah you’re so right, even when the eating disorder leaves you, it’s still always lurking at the back of your mind! I hope you’re doing ok now? I think I’ve let my eating habits slip a bit in lockdown so I’ll definitely get that under control and start doing some more exercising/look at my lifestyle. Thank you so much again, I was so worried about posting this in case I caused any upset or offence!

@WorraLiberty

Mumsnet and especially AIBU is really not the place for anyone with an eating disorder (past or present) to turn to for advice.

This chat forum (just like many others) has lots of people with eating disorders or just people with unhealthy attitudes towards food and weight in general.

If you're experiencing feelings of self repulsion, you need to see a professional. The internet is really not going to help you right now.

Good luck

Thank you so much yeah I completely agree with what you’re saying, with hindsight this probably wasn’t the best place to post! I just thought I’d see if anyone else had managed to safely lose a stone and the best way they did it, I will never go back to making myself sick (thankfully!) but when I stepped on the scales yesterday I was completely shocked and I think it just brought everything back. Thanks so much for being so kind

@BourbonScreams

Yes I agree with previous posters, speak to a professional about this if at all possible. This is quite a delicate subject and it's easy for somebody who doesn't know what they're talking about to say something harmful. I know how you feel though, hope you feel better soon xx

Thank you so much for the advice I was so worried about causing any offence with this post or upsetting anyone so seriously thanks so much for being so understanding. Yeah you are absolutely right in what you’re saying and it’s probably not the most ideal place for advice like this, I think I just posted because I was so worried and when I stepped on the scales I got such a fright! xx

I weighed myself a few times yesterday and it was consistent with the initial weight gain, but I’ve weighed myself twice today and in the space of 3 hours I’ve gone up another 2lbs, this was in between lunch and dinner so I didn’t eat anything and I’ve no idea why my weight has gone up so much. I really didn’t expect to have gained this much weight at all because I didn’t notice that I was physically bigger and my clothes still fit so it was such a shock. My diet is normal and I exercise so I don’t know why I’ve suddenly put on weight, I’m 23 so I’m way past growing and it’s not that, I think I’ve just let myself go a bit in lockdown diet-wise. How long would it take to safely lose a stone and does anyone have any recommendations of diets or exercise plans? I know I should speak to a professional but I just thought I’d try one more time in the off chance anyone has any recommendations. Thanks in advance

OP,
Nothing wrong with being pissed off for gaining weight and it is not something to feel you can't be upset about.

I gained nearly two stone in lockdown and was a combination of furious with myself, disgusted, and didn't care because I was emotionally eating after loosing two friends very suddenly and was grief stricken.
I pulled back on the sugar, baking, wine and I am more than half way there.

Look at your habits, one day at a time and make small solid changes.

Be kind to yourself, 2 months of eating better, avoiding excess sugar, doing some exercise like 20 minutes of walking 5 days a week and that will disappear in no time.
It's easy to shift weight when you are younger, well I think so anyway!

Don't worry about that 2lbs today. Your weight can fluctuate massively through the day due to food and water weight. The best way to see progress is to weigh yourself once a week, or each day and then take an average across the week. However weighing yourself a lot can be harmful to some people's mental health.

The issue with dieting is that most people's bodies tend to respond to restriction with overeating. This is why "most diets fail", as it's easy to put yourself into a large calorie deficit, lose weight fast, then gain it all back. The best tip I've seen is to think about what you can add to your diet rather than what you can take away. For example, adding lots of veg to your meals, as the fibre helps you to stay satiated for longer.

I've struggled with disordered eating in the past, I found an American dietician called Abbey Sharp

Oh no i posted too fast!

-found an American dietician called Abbey Sharp on youtube who discusses this sort of thing, she has a weight loss video which I'll link that uses the principles I mentioned. The goal is to make small nutrition-based changes over time which are sustainable, so you can see long term improvements rather than a cycle of gaining and losing. Check it out if you fancy

I broke our scales years ago and never replaced them. It saved dd an eating disorder as she had tendencies that way and we have a very dear friend with one who gets no help and we worry about them

Please love yourself for who you are and we use the rule of if our clothes fit then we are( the majority of clothes as we have variations both ways)

A good walk daily helps.

Sadly I watch our friend and all I can do is be there for her.

Be proud of yourself for being within the healthy range. It is a great achievement.