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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DC'S effectiveness at household tasks

38 replies

AdaFuckingShelby · 09/12/2021 17:53

Single parent household, 2 DC early teens. It's their responsibility to do the washing up on alternate evenings. I make most of the meals and do most other things other than DD tidies up when she wants a takeaway, which is a sort of agreement these days.
My morning routine now includes re-washing the pots that aren't properly clean (I overlook the odd grease mark, I'm talking bits of food still stuck to plates) and washing the things that didnt make it into the sink- mainly pans and plastic tubs. This has come about by my trying not to expect too much and hoping their skill would improve over time.
WIBU to pull them up on their standards and expect the washing up to actually make all the dishes and cutlery clean? Or should I give them some more time and carry on as I am ?

OP posts:

ChangeChingyChange · 09/12/2021 17:55

Get a dishwasher.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/12/2021 17:57

hoping their skill would improve over time.

You absolutely need to show them how to scrub and clean and rinse properly. It's not going to happen automatically if you haven't taught them.

Akire · 09/12/2021 18:01

It’s quite difficult to leave food stuck to plates unless it’s been out for days and is stuck on. Are they just dipping into washing up bowl and then drain board? I’d start making sure I went through kitchen after they said they had finished to check dirty dishes and pans that have been over looked.

Not everyone has space for dishwasher I’ve never lived in a home with one. I know people find that hard to grasp!

NightmareSlashDelightful · 09/12/2021 18:03

This is the first salvo in a war.

They're trying to slyly demonstrate that they are fundamentally rubbish at washing up.

Similarly, they're trying to establish that you are a decorated five-star general at washing up. Ergo you should do all the washing up.

It is crucial that you do not give in. Yeah, pull them up on it.

Ohbotherpiglet · 09/12/2021 18:05

Don’t do it for them! If they’ve done it badly pull them back and make them do it again!

ChangeChingyChange · 09/12/2021 18:07

If you really can't get a dishwasher (can't bear it when people say there's no room I'd happily sacrifice a cupboard or anything for the sake of a dishwasher - but then I think hand washing is gross and doesn't clean properly at all) then give them another chore thats less gross like hoovering.

Chely · 09/12/2021 18:09

They need to learn how to do it correctly or they're buggered when they move out.

theelephantinthegroup · 09/12/2021 18:29

My teens have tried the 'do it so badly it's easier for mum to just do it next time' approach. I've had some success with showing them how to do it properly then telling them that if it's not done properly next time I'll assume they just need more practise. You do have to stick to it though, and make sure that for example each time it's done badly they have an extra day to 'practise'.

Flipflopblowout · 09/12/2021 18:36

You have got teens who can't tell if a plate is clean or dirty? Make them do it again an hour later and an hour after that again if there is no improvement. This is down to you.

AnneLovesGilbert · 09/12/2021 19:08

If they claim dirty stuff is clean they need to go to Specsavers.

Clymene · 09/12/2021 19:11

I would get one to wash and the other to dry. Alternate who takes which role but the drier is responsible for washing quality control. I can guarantee this system results in clean plates.

Elieza · 09/12/2021 19:26

Great idea to have both working together.

They need to learn.

Do they use the washing machine for their own clothing yet? Be interesting to see if they do anything wrong with that too, like forget to put the powder on or suchlike, so you have to redo it. Don’t.

They need to learn as they will be out in the world themselves soon enough

laudete · 09/12/2021 19:55

@Clymene

I would get one to wash and the other to dry. Alternate who takes which role but the drier is responsible for washing quality control. I can guarantee this system results in clean plates.

^This is a good suggestion. Better for them to criticize each other than for mom to tell them their washing-up skills suck. You might need to arbitrate a few times though!

Hankunamatata · 09/12/2021 20:07

Yeah I brought a dishwasher. At least they load and unload it

Harlequin1088 · 09/12/2021 20:08

Weaponised incompetence at its best...

DroopyClematis · 09/12/2021 20:11

@ChangeChingyChange

Get a dishwasher.

Surprisingly, many kitchens can't accommodate a dishwasher. Mind what you say.

lucascriesalot · 09/12/2021 20:12

@Hankunamatata

Yeah I brought a dishwasher. At least they load and unload it

It's 'bought.'

ChangeChingyChange · 09/12/2021 20:14

I won't "mind what I say" thanks. That's my solution to the problem - it might differ to your but don't be so rude. There are no kitchens in the UK that can't accommodate a dishwasher - but some people choose not to have one. Even worktop dishwashers exist as an alternative or remove a cupboard to fit one in. Sorted.

2catsandhappy · 09/12/2021 20:28

The only thing that worked for me was one wash, one wipe. In the kitchen at the same time. Shut the door on them. Don't be referee.
Swap dc job the next day.
Then I got a table top dishwasher(large microwave size) to sit on sink drain surface. No plumbing needed. Ordinary plug. A hose drains into the sink. Load up as the guide. Fill the machine with 3 jugs(supplied) of usual hot tap water in its top. Place a dishwasher tablet inside. Select program. Switch on. Walk away.
No arguments ever again. And sparkling results. Best purchase ever. Got cash back from Quidco too!

Original poster

AdaFuckingShelby · 09/12/2021 20:40

Ooh great idea Clymene. In response to the dish washer suggestion I can't stand the noise they make, my layout is open plan and I would be able to hear it throughout the downstairs space. I also can't s5snd emptying them so that's a Definite no no. Good idea though, thanks.

OP posts:

ThinWomansBrain · 09/12/2021 20:47

If you wash it up again for them, they;re not going to learn.
they need more practice - and maybe teaching how to do it properly, assuming that they aren't just doing a crap job so you'll get tired of making them do it.
Make them do the re-wash if they've not done it in the first place - they'll soon realise it's easier to do it properly the first time around.

Original poster

AdaFuckingShelby · 09/12/2021 20:52

Yes I know, I just seem to have slipped into the habit without intending to. Thanks for the kick up the backside

OP posts:

MMMarmite · 09/12/2021 20:53

@ChangeChingyChange

That's rubbish. I live in a rental. I'm not allowed to just rip out part of my landlords kitchen to put a dishwasher in.

picklemewalnuts · 09/12/2021 22:23

I go with the consequences rule. If the plate they wash is dirty, they eat off it next time. So I'd get ready to plate up and ask them if they want to wash up theirs before you plate up. Put any left overs that weren't done at their place at the table. Stop making it magically disappear. Make it reappear where it inconveniences them!

Saracen · 10/12/2021 00:52

Probably not a popular opinion but... maybe they are bored because the job you have given them is too easy? Obviously we all have to get used to doing boring easy jobs sometimes, but you say this is pretty much the ONLY thing your kids have to do. There's no kudos in it for them either; they won't get sincere praise for their washing-up in the way they might get admiration for planning and cooking a delicious meal, saving the family £100 on the car insurance, or redecorating the bathroom.

Why not have them do the more challenging jobs instead, and do the washing up yourself? They'll acquire skills which will benefit both you and them in the long run, and you'll be able to switch your brain off and relax while washing up.

My teens worked much harder when they had more difficult jobs to do.

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