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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say we won’t bother coming at all then??

14 replies

Lj8893 · 09/12/2021 17:08

Last Christmas we were temporarily living with my mum and stepdad. We had been living far away for the 2 previous Christmas’s so hadn’t spent the day with them.
My stepsister and her family came for Christmas, as well as my stepbrother who was also temporarily living there.
It was absolute chaos, I didn’t enjoy the day whatsoever as there was so much mess and very little parenting to my step niece and nephew. Several rude comments were made to myself and DH also. I didn’t say anything at the time as DM and DSF were doing us a huge favour putting us up but I did say to DH that I would never spend Xmas with my step siblings again!!

So this year, we are now in our own home and plan to spend Xmas day here just the 3 of us (me, DH and DD). I did invite DM and DSF but they declined as my step siblings will be going to theirs (there is not enough room for everyone at our house).
We said we will pop round to see them in the morning instead then.

DM keeps moaning that we arnt spending Xmas with them, I’ve explained since then my issues with spending Xmas there which she completely understands but still keeps giving me guilt trips.

AIBU to say if you keep moaning I won’t bother even popping up in the morning and if you want to see us then you can make the effort to come here instead then!?

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 09/12/2021 17:11

It must be hard for your mum not to have Xmas day with you though. She’s stuck with his kids and grandkids.
If I were your mum I’d come to you, and leave them to it !

Aquamarine1029 · 09/12/2021 17:11

Ignore her ridiculous manipulative nonsense. You have your own home and family, going to theirs in the morning is more than good enough. Tell her what you're doing and no longer discuss it, and if she carries on, skip seeing them altogether.

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 17:13

Tell her she already knows exactly why you aren't going and tbh you're tired of hearing her moan about it. She could have told them to never be so bloody rude again. She didn't.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 09/12/2021 17:34

Thankyou, I shall say this to her if she brings it up again! It’s so infuriating!

OP posts:
ArblemarchTFruitbat · 09/12/2021 18:17

Couldn't your mum come round to yours for a while on her own? Her house with children running riot sounds like the sort of environment she'd appreciate a break from.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 09/12/2021 18:23

I feel sorry for her, she's trying to be nice to both camps and it's not her fault how the steps behave is it, it's not her being horrid or unwelcome towards you.
She's torn...

LethargicActress · 09/12/2021 18:26

Tell her you completely understand, and if she wants to spend more time with you and dd she can pop over alone for a bit after you’ve all had dinner.

SickAndTiredAgain · 09/12/2021 18:32

@GoodnightGrandma

It must be hard for your mum not to have Xmas day with you though. She’s stuck with his kids and grandkids. If I were your mum I’d come to you, and leave them to it !
Is it that hard? Surely plenty of people have Christmas without their adult children, not least because couples with young kids often split the time between both sets of grandparents. You can’t expect to see your adult child every Christmas and sulk when you don’t. Especially as OP has invited her mother round, and said they’ll come round to see them on Christmas morning!
Ponoka7 · 09/12/2021 18:37

Did you post about this last year?
I agree that your Mum is torn. It's time to be direct, then stick with going there in the morning.

Ponoka7 · 09/12/2021 18:39

"She could have told them to never be so bloody rude again"

She shouldn't have to fight her adult children's battles. The OP should have handled that.

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 18:56

If a guest in my home was rude to another guest in my home then I would absolutely consider it my business and tell them to pack it in.

Nomorepinkcurtains · 09/12/2021 18:59

Sounds like she’d prefer to be with you. Tell her to pop round on her own for a bit.

Original poster
Lj8893 · 09/12/2021 19:04

She won’t pop round on her own, she won’t want to offend anyone by leaving them all. She has been invited though.

I don’t expect her to tell anyone not to be rude etc, but do expect her to understand why I don’t want to spend Christmas with them again as it just wasn't a nice day for us! She does understand this which is fine, and agrees on some level too, but it’s the constant moaning that she’s not going to see us on Christmas Day when I have said multiple times we are going to pop up in the morning!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lj8893 · 09/12/2021 19:05

No, I haven’t posted about this before. But glad to know I’m not the only one Grin

OP posts:
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