To have answered the text?

[MinuteToFive]

On a zoom call this morning in our home office and my husband's phone kept going off (I had it with me as had been using to husband's knowledge and consent as mine was playing up and we aren't bothered about each other using our phones).

Anyway, it kept pinging with messages and then a few calls, I glanced over and it was my husband's ex and mother of his DD asking if he could ring her and something about sending her some money for a new coat, about 5 messages in the space of 10 minutes and 2 calls.

I quickly opened the chat and replied that I was just using his phone for work but I'd let him know asap and get him to call her shortly.

Anyway, when she finally spoke to DH 10 mins later she is fuming about me answering the text. She's always been a bit weird about anything to do with me. I don't get it.

AIBU? Or was I "intruding"?

I was just trying to save her (and me) from her continued calling/messaging!

I think what you did was fine, but I'm not precious about such things. What did your DH say to her in response?

I don't think it's a huge issue, it meant she understood he wasn't ignoring her. This is definitely her problem not yours.

Don’t you have a laptop for zoom calls?!

Either way, given you don’t seem to have a good relationship with her, I’d have muted the calls and cracked on with work

i don' t understand the barrage of comms like that for a non-emergency

what if he was at work?
does she really expect him to be available literally instantly?
who lives like that?!
what if he was in the shower, or on the loo, or in a shop queue, or.. you know.. working?

ridiculous.

@Happy1982ish

Don’t you have a laptop for zoom calls?!

Either way, given you don’t seem to have a good relationship with her, I’d have muted the calls and cracked on with work

Yes, I was using that. I had DHs phone with me to make a few calls earlier in the morning and after as mine is being a nightmare at the moment definitely not because I dropped and smashed the screen

i'd have muted it too once i found out it wasn't an emergency - i certaintly wouldn't be running to DH to deal with an immediate callback. honestly, you're both playing into her (fucked up) expectations

It's none of ex wife's business if you use your DHs phone or not. Really you ought have simply let him know when free that ex wife was trying to contact him.

It is strange to reply on someone else's phone to texts not meant for you, I would have if it was emergency or urgent to say " hi it's his wife as he lent me phone, he's in meetings will ask him to read his texts when out" but I wouldn't have in this situation- as No Emergency and why poke the bear?
You can have done same without saying anything to her

It sounds like she was harassing texting 5x in 2 mins. Unless she was adding information - like these are the options coat A .., then Coat B... and costs are ... As I can see those being multiple texts

@M1526

i don' t understand the barrage of comms like that for a non-emergency

what if he was at work?
does she really expect him to be available literally instantly?
who lives like that?!
what if he was in the shower, or on the loo, or in a shop queue, or.. you know.. working?

ridiculous.

I know! This is why I did it to stop the bloody peppering with messages and calls. She always expects him to drop everything though, always has.

@M1526

i'd have muted it too once i found out it wasn't an emergency - i certaintly wouldn't be running to DH to deal with an immediate callback. honestly, you're both playing into her (fucked up) expectations

I didn't, I just told her I'd ask him to call her shortly and then when my zoom finished I went and told him. I certainly didn't rush off.

If it was an actual emergency I would have gone and got him there and then of course.

Then go to settings and change your do not disturb setting on his phone whilst you are using it hit work if someone spams about non emergency again

If you don't usually borrow DHs phone then don't worry about it, but do ask him if he's happy again in future for you to send innocuous reply to someone spamming about non emergency saying " multiple texts flashing up as notifications it's me not DH, will let him know when he's free that you've sent him texts"

I would’ve muted the phone but I wouldn’t have answered a text from his ex. That was over stepping in my opinion.

Difficult relationship I’m guessing!

So no I would not have responded

I would have muted her messages

And then told my dh when I had a chance to

Not overstepping at all, what a joke. If it was a personal matter or an actual emergency it's different, but it's not.

Dh often forgets to take his mobile with him and leaves it in the house, I would leave a text message but I often answer calls and offer to pass on a message, I think what you did was fine.

DH is not arsed in the slightest by the way. He said if he'd had known he'd have told me to do the same thing.

I answered a borrowed phone after constant ringing to be accused of clearly having an affair with my manager, her husband- I’d borrowed it to make a local delivery as mine was broken. It really said more about her, and their relationship than me but very embarrassing as I answered it in front of the recipients of the delivery 🤦🏻‍♀️ I think you were polite to tell her he couldn’t answer as you had the phone- I’d be glad to know why there was no answer in that position- though to be honest one text would have done me and I’d have waited for an answer.
Sounds difficult in general OP so wouldn’t worry about this, it’s always going to be something and that’s for her/your partner to fall out about.

If she was repeatedly texting/ringing then yes i would have definitely replied
You did nothing wrong