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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to find life really hard right now…

10 replies

KatyRebecca84 · 09/12/2021 04:25

I’m really struggling and wondering… should life be this hard?

I’ve always found things hard, I have a 3 year old daughter and struggle with motherhood. Since ‘Covid’ this has amplified. I feel like there is a constant cloud and it isn’t going away. I could reason before that it was me and my worries but now the cloud is a real thing… it’s a worldwide worry and it effects us every single day it seems.

I’ve had counselling and I take meds to regulate my hormones, (a major trigger for me). I have a heart rhythm issue I also take meds for.

I’m struggling with the constant coughs and colds picked up at nursery, which not only effect sleep every single night, but also we then have to worry are Covid and test constantly on a child who hates it! My DH has a chronic cough and snoring issue so we sleep separately which at 37 isn’t ideal, but is the only way either of us might get any sleep. My DH is great but has a stressful job and is also struggling with lack of sleep due to his cough (being investigated but ongoing for years!) and the disturbances from DD.

I try and have ‘me time’ but that is a new bike I recently purchased and an exercise class, but the weather is so awful neither appeal… I don’t want to go out in the evenings! I work two days a week and enjoy my job but it’s in the NHS so also can be doom and gloom! WFH won’t be an option as they’ve said no even though I work in admin!

I have friends but find my main friend is very toxic and negative and uses me as a crutch so I am distancing myself from him as it’s just too much. I am not negative with him when we talk on the phone but his constant dramas are just too much.

I know this is a really negative post but I just don’t know how to feel better or more positive when this pandemic is effecting daily life. It feels like there’s nothing to look forward to, we have three weekends of plans with family I worry won’t go ahead due to Covid. I know people are alot worse off abs Covid is something we have to learn to life with, and I feel guilty for how I feel but just need some ideas on how to cope.

It’s 4am.. my daughter has been awake since 3am coughing and I’m laying in bed dreading another day!!

OP posts:

Nomorepinkcurtains · 09/12/2021 04:42

You’re not alone, I can identify with a lot you say. I’m just trying to take one day at a time and enjoy the times that do go ahead, and when they don’t try and do something a bit special at home instead, movie night with popcorn.

I’m hoping for both our sakes life gets better soon. Take care and fingers crossed the things you have planned do go ahead.

LifeIsWhat · 09/12/2021 04:43

Hey, sending you a hug. You are not the only one finding the current situation hard, so please don't feel guilty about it.
I found make my flat very bright helps to get through winter. Also light some candles, that really can give you a calm mind. Don't be too strict with yourself.
Wish you all the best.

Original poster

KatyRebecca84 · 09/12/2021 04:49

Thank you both. Those messages made me cry! It’s comforting to know others can relate.

OP posts:

KatieKat88 · 09/12/2021 04:59

It always seems worse in the middle of the night. Especially when very sleep deprived!
One of the things I tried in the depths of the third lockdown was writing down anything that made me happy that day (usually something new that DD was doing) and I found that helped a little. Focusing on very small joys even without being able to make big plans. I don't think we're at that stage yet and plans will go ahead unless anyone gets ill themselves. But can you plan some Christmassy stuff to do at home with your DD in case any of your other plans don't come off (making decorations, baking etc) and then you've got things to look forward to that you can bank on regardless of anything else happening? Hope you get some more sleep and wake up feeling a bit brighter.

User310 · 09/12/2021 05:01

That ‘cloud’ is exactly how I describe my life when I got depression. Very similar to what you have described.

The only thing that helped was starting sertraline. I tried counselling and all sorts first as I really did not want to start anti depressants at the time. I finally relented and things began to get better. After a year I felt completely myself and the cloud had lifted. It’s only now that I can see that nothing was going to fix me other than anti depressants because I had a hormonal imbalance.

It’s 8 years later and I am completely fine again. I haven’t taken anti depressants for over 3 years and so far so good.

I will just add that I started on citalopram but it didn’t work as I’d hoped so I swapped over which helped a lot.

It’s very distressing when you feel like this, in my case it was just triggered by a series of very stressful situations (bought a house, last year of uni, had a child) very close together and I suppose my brain stopped producing happy hormones (serotonin) because I definitely wasn’t feeling happy at the time so obviously thought I never needed to be happy again!

I know anti depressants aren’t the answer to everything but I just wanted to reply as you description is very similar to how I felt.

Ps, my toddler has also been awake since 3 am and I have just relented and taken him downstairs to ‘help’ me put the washing out. Fun day for all..

ZebraF · 09/12/2021 05:19

You’re not alone - it’s a really difficult time. Sending hugs to you.
I also work in the nhs and have young children. I caught covid at work (I’m fairly sure) earlier in the year and have struggled with anxiety since. I’m hyper vigilant for every illness going on at school - covid or not. I’ve already had to work from home a few times whilst waiting for pcr results for DC with cold/cough symptoms, 3 days each time. DC hate the covid tests, it is so distressing. Cancelling patient appointments is stressful but I’m not allowed to go in so I have no choice. I get so anxious when patients come in who are clearly unwell with viral symptoms as that’s how I think I caught it last time. We have missed both the holidays we had booked this year due to waiting for pcr results, so I find myself constantly worrying about what we’ve got coming up over the next few days and desperately wanting to keep us all well so we don’t miss them. I am also highly anxious about busy spaces so even though I went to watch DC’s nativity I didn’t enjoy it because it felt like too many people to be safe and I was really uncomfortable. This feels endless and I’m really finding it hard now.
Take care OP and anyone else who is experiencing this.

Original poster

KatyRebecca84 · 09/12/2021 08:46

@KatieKat88

It always seems worse in the middle of the night. Especially when very sleep deprived! One of the things I tried in the depths of the third lockdown was writing down anything that made me happy that day (usually something new that DD was doing) and I found that helped a little. Focusing on very small joys even without being able to make big plans. I don't think we're at that stage yet and plans will go ahead unless anyone gets ill themselves. But can you plan some Christmassy stuff to do at home with your DD in case any of your other plans don't come off (making decorations, baking etc) and then you've got things to look forward to that you can bank on regardless of anything else happening? Hope you get some more sleep and wake up feeling a bit brighter.

That's a good idea I will focus on the positive things and try and make some plans in case we end up at home!

OP posts:

Original poster

KatyRebecca84 · 09/12/2021 08:47

@User310

That ‘cloud’ is exactly how I describe my life when I got depression. Very similar to what you have described.

It’s 8 years later and I am completely fine again. I haven’t taken anti depressants for over 3 years and so far so good.

I will just add that I started on citalopram but it didn’t work as I’d hoped so I swapped over which helped a lot.

I know anti depressants aren’t the answer to everything but I just wanted to reply as you description is very similar to how I felt.

Ps, my toddler has also been awake since 3 am and I have just relented and taken him downstairs to ‘help’ me put the washing out. Fun day for all..

Thanks for your reply. I did actually get prescribed Sertraline bt because I have heart rhythm issues, I can't really take any antidepressants. I was really disappointed as I thought it may be the answer.

The contraceptive pill has helped with PMT but this constant feeling not so much!

Sorry to hear you were up early too!

OP posts:

Hemingwayscatz · 09/12/2021 08:56

Definitely not alone. Think it’s depression, I feel the same way. I’m having counselling but I don’t feel it’s helped much, my scores are still really high every week for both anxiety and depression. Covid has amplified things, it was there before but manageable and covid just fucked me over. It’s lockdowns really, I felt suffocated and imprisoned. It’s obviously months since the last lockdown now but I’m still feeling the effects and every time they start announcing new restrictions I honestly go into meltdown fearing another lockdown because I wouldn’t cope at all. I had agoraphobia a decade ago and worked so hard to overcome it, I reached a stage where I didn’t even think about leaving the house anymore and the phobia was a distant terrible memory. Then we were forced to stay indoors and the phobia has resurfaced. I still barely leave now and barely go in shops because DH did it throughout the first lockdown because I was pregnant.

Terrible time for mental health and if they announce another lockdown, I’m not sure I’ll make it out alive.

MartyHart · 09/12/2021 09:07

I think you need to concentrate on getting more sleep. Absolutely everything seems worse when you are tired.
Don't feel bad about sleeping apart from your husband, it's a perfectly rational and pragmatic solution to an issue you can't resolve easily. It doesn't have to be forever. It makes sense right now and that's what matters.
Could you try doing exercise at home? There's loads of videos online, and you don't have to go out in the cold.
Your child won't be this young forever and I promise that things get easier as they get older with regard to sleep and coughs and colds.
This shall pass.

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