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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AITA

22 replies

CoffeeChicken · 07/12/2021 21:42

I feel so so so bad for my 14 week old. He was screaming at the very top of his lungs (9pm) and I went downstairs to DP sitting on the chair. Child had done a huge blowout and was just sitting in it. Changed him, he calmed down, until I handed him back and then he started screaming again.

I feel like such a bad mum but DP does the nights and I worry if I keep coming to the rescue our child will never settle and DP will never learn how to settle. I am so exhausted. Everything I've read is so conflicting, obviously I hate hearing our little one so upset but also it just isn't feasible for me to constantly intervene and interrupt. AITA for leaving little one? I do feel like it 😔

OP posts:
ShamalaHamala · 07/12/2021 21:45

What was your partner doing, just sitting there ignoring the child? Surely you asked him why he wasn't doing anything?

ChangeChingyChange · 07/12/2021 21:46

Wtf?! Why was your partner ignoring your screaming child?! You need serious words or ask him to leave.

Original poster
CoffeeChicken · 07/12/2021 21:47

To be fair, he was trying to console our child. He has no sense of smell and said he couldn't smell the blowout.

OP posts:
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 07/12/2021 21:48

Sorry, your baby was crying and needed changing and your partner was doing nothing? Why did you change him and not just say “err, DP change him!”

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 07/12/2021 21:48

@CoffeeChicken

To be fair, he was trying to console our child. He has no sense of smell and said he couldn't smell the blowout.
He didn’t think to check the nappy?
Unanananana · 07/12/2021 21:48

He should have checked his nappy surely? No sense of smell is no excuse. Thats basic parenting.

NewPapaGuinea · 07/12/2021 21:49

After 14 weeks he should know to run though the basic checks on why a baby is crying 🤔

KeepYaHeadUp · 07/12/2021 21:49

Google "weaponised incompetence", OP.

It's not the case that women know this stuff and men need time to figure it out. We just HAVE to figure it out because if we don't, who does?! Let him figure it out for himself, stop coming to his rescue.

AnotherMansCause · 07/12/2021 21:50

Even if he has no sense of smell there are other ways to check for a soiled or wet nappy? Does he not know that?

thisplaceisweird · 07/12/2021 21:51

When you have children with someone you should expect that both of you will be capable of looking after them individually.

If DH is incompetent he needs to read books or go to classes. It's not ok for you to be on call 24/7 even though your husband is around.

Waspsarearseholes · 07/12/2021 21:52

Did you mean to write this for Reddit?

ChangeChingyChange · 07/12/2021 21:57

@CoffeeChicken

To be fair, he was trying to console our child. He has no sense of smell and said he couldn't smell the blowout.
But you said he was just sitting in the chair Hmm if he knows he has no sense of smell he still needs to check the usual baby issues - are they dirty? Tired? Hungry? Want a comfort I.e a dummy? It's basic.
Shoxfordian · 07/12/2021 22:02

He sounds totally useless

SD1978 · 07/12/2021 22:04

It's pretty basic to check a nappy if a baby is crying. Are they hungry? No. Have they had a crap? Yes. Change and problem solved. It's a process of elimination at that stage- they are usually either hungry, dirty or tired. It's not tough to work out which it is.

CloudyStorms · 07/12/2021 22:07

Oh come on. If baby is crying he needs to go through a list in his head. Is it hunger, poo, wet nappy, tired, bored, need a hug? Not just sit there and wait for you to swoop in and save the day.

CloudyStorms · 07/12/2021 22:08

He needs to sort himself out, anything could happen that means he has to look after the baby for a bit by himself.

Bloodypunkrockers · 07/12/2021 23:40

What does AITA mean?

Your DP is BU for not checking the nappy

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2021 23:45

@Bloodypunkrockers

What does AITA mean?

Your DP is BU for not checking the nappy

Just had to Google it

Apparently it means 'Am I The Asshole'

fabricfanatic · 08/12/2021 00:07

Time to stop making excuses for your useless partner. That's where you're falling short.

Checking the nappy is one of the first things you do when a baby cries. It's not rocket science. Your partner is either lazy or not very intelligent. My guess is he's lazy.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 08/12/2021 00:10

Yabu for using aita when it's aibu here Grin

Yanbu to expect your DP to check the baby's nappy. It's pretty basic!

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 08/12/2021 00:21

My DH has absolutely no sense of smell.

It didn’t stop him from using a bit of common sense & checking our daughter’s nappy (especially if there was a blow out, that toxic Velcro soaks through everything).

Blimey, even my son’s dad who missed big chunks of my son’s first few months due to being on tour had the nouse to check his nappy if he was crying up a storm. And he was pretty much ruddy useless at everything else.

Your partner is a pillock (and believe me, my son’s dad was King of the Pillocks).

CentrifugalBumblePuppy · 08/12/2021 00:23

That’s on tour as an actor, not in the Forces. He may have actually acted (no pun intended) a little less up his own bum hole if he’d done a tour or two in the Forces.

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