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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be frustrated that my DM expects me to drop whatever I’m doing if she calls?

7 replies

SweetSmellingAlstroemeria · 06/12/2021 23:19

Sorry if this is a bit of a rant but I’m getting very frustrated with my DM. She will call me on my mobile, and if I don’t answer she will call multiple times over the next couple of minutes, and will then do the same with my DH to try and reach me through him. I can’t always talk as I have 2 young children, a job etc, and sometimes it’s just not convenient or I’m tired and about to go to bed. I have tried to explain that it’s fine to call repeatedly if it’s an emergency but otherwise can she just try once and if there’s no answer leave a message or send a text and I’ll come back to her when I can. She gets ratty if I raise the issue, then there’s a slight improvement before she returns to her old ways. I even said to her that it worries me when I see multiple missed calls as I think there’s been an accident or something else awful has happened, but she still doesn’t get it as she just leaves a message or sends a text saying it’s not an emergency so not to worry but I need to call her urgently and she will keep trying until I answer. The problem is my DM has no understanding of what urgent is as her idea of urgent is something as mundane as I saw something in a charity shop you might like and I need to know now if you want it (usually tat I don’t want)! I know she means well, and in the grand scheme of life it’s not that big a deal, but it’s driving me nuts. She did it this evening, and it’s just stressed me out and wound me up as I was tired and just wanted to chill out and have an early night. If I try and push the matter it will just end in a big argument, and ultimately she’ll just slip back to her old ways so I feel very frustrated. Am I alone, or does anyone else have this problem?

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 06/12/2021 23:22

Is this new behaviour? How old is she and does she have much going on for her outside you?

mumofsadteen · 06/12/2021 23:23

Yanbu! I don't answer my phone unless it's convenient. I would be furious if my dm expected me to, or anyone else.

nordica · 06/12/2021 23:26

Mine is very much like this too. She won't really listen if I say I'm just cooking/watching TV/working, she'll just say "oh this won't take long" and then spends the next 20 minutes talking about something that isn't important.

I don't know if it's a generational thing maybe? All my friends around my age (30s/40s) prefer messages and that feels so much more relaxed because there's no need to suddenly drop everything and have a phone conversation.

2pinkginsplease · 06/12/2021 23:26

I always make time for my mum when she phones, if I’m busy I tell her that I’m busy and can give her a call back but I’d never ignore or get annoyed that she phones or texts.

She lives alone and is 73.

SweetSmellingAlstroemeria · 06/12/2021 23:31

@MichelleScarn

Is this new behaviour? How old is she and does she have much going on for her outside you?
No it's not new, but sometimes she's worse than others. She's in her early 60s. Never worked after she had me and my siblings so probably had too much time on her hands. As I said she means we'll but we just have very different outlooks on life.
OP posts:
SweetSmellingAlstroemeria · 06/12/2021 23:35

@2pinkginsplease

I always make time for my mum when she phones, if I’m busy I tell her that I’m busy and can give her a call back but I’d never ignore or get annoyed that she phones or texts.

She lives alone and is 73.

It's nice you make time for your Mum. I do want to talk to her, but not always on her timetable.
OP posts:
SweetSmellingAlstroemeria · 06/12/2021 23:40

@nordica

Mine is very much like this too. She won't really listen if I say I'm just cooking/watching TV/working, she'll just say "oh this won't take long" and then spends the next 20 minutes talking about something that isn't important.

I don't know if it's a generational thing maybe? All my friends around my age (30s/40s) prefer messages and that feels so much more relaxed because there's no need to suddenly drop everything and have a phone conversation.

At least it's not just me! My Mum does exactly the same thing saying "it's just a quick one", and then I can't get her off the phone. You're probably right about the age thing. I just feel like I'm trying to juggle a million things and it's like being at work and having to drop everything if my boss calls and sometimes I just want to relax. It's also ruining my sex life as it sometimes happens when my husband and I are in bed, and it's a mood killer!!!!

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