I think I've forgotten how to socialise!

[user9087432]

So last year I spent most of the year shielding. I had a year off work and returned 6 months ago. Today it hit me I really don't know how to socialise, how to do small talk. I feel like such a loser.
I really struggle to start a conversation or make conversation with people. I don't remember been like this before the pandemic, I wasn't the most sociable/loudest person in a group but never as unsociable as this.

Oh YANBU at all, I know how you feel! I was out for dinner with friends on Friday night and gettingvreadyvwas so hard, I've forgotten how to dress up!

Congratulations on getting back on the horse and having a social life now, that you need the small talk for. I feel I'm still wondering how to get started with that. People love a listener, so let them talk. Listen, smile & nod occasionally & make sympathetic noises. If they're good at socialising, they will probably ask you a direct question eventually & you can give a brief answer & then let them talk on again. If this is at work, you can always say, "Well, better get back to the grind" to excuse yourself if it gets too boring.

You are definitely not alone!

I (and many others) are really struggling too... to the point that I now have horrific social anxiety.

May I offer some advice? I have had to be good at this. Most people love to talk about themselves. You could start by asking them:
how long they have worked at company
what they do
compliment their sweater or bag or something they are wearing
ask them where they are from
do they have a long commute in
what they are watching on Netflix, maybe Succession?

It doesn't have to be sparkling conversation. Just break the ice. I avoid questions about family because people may not want to talk about that. Ditto Covid.

Me too!

I feel like I get every interaction a bit wrong somehow these days, and never know quite what to say. I feel on the back foot in every conversation and second guess all the things I've said.

@silverley I hope this doesn't sound patronising, but I have to socialise a LOT as part of my job with complete strangers, and really, nobody is paying all that much attention. Everybody is thinking about themselves right now.

Ask others questions, nod a lot, smile.

@CaliforniaDrumming ah no, not patronising at all, you're totally right! Nobody is thinking about you - best advice a friend gave me years ago. Sensibly, I know it it's true, but it's hard to fully believe it or live it, especially these days.

Your not alone!
As well as having to shield, I have struggled to keep up with friends like I did.
And when I do see people, I put people off with having a blurt out session and oversharing- I just have nothing interesting to tell people because i am always ill.
I never learn and end up feeling isolated...

@silverly It is very hard to actually do, I agree. My DD is in uni and has gone from being an extrovert to having terrible social anxiety. The reason I am able to do it a bit better is because I am 50 and have developed a sort of carapace where I have ceased worrying what people think of me. But that has taken years. When I was her age, I worried constantly!

It's so hard I'm feeling awkward trying to get some friends together who would have been up for a night out pre covid, now lunch is out.

I remember starting a new job just as I was coming out of the fug of babies and some chap said to me in that kitchen - are you doing anything nice on the weekend? And I was gobsmacked because noone had asked me that for years, and I never did anything exciting either, but it was such a friendly and sociable thing to do. So I tried that line out on others and thought of some other openers like that and it worked wonders.