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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About physical touch?

40 replies

Yeswhatno · 06/12/2021 15:13

I saw a video of a woman saying that she hasn’t cuddled in months and hiw that is effecting her mental health….

So here’s a thing: I’m mid 30’s and have never cuddled with anyone ever.
And really not had much of any physical contact in any form.

I didn’t now it can/does (does it?) effect people!

My parents weren’t touchy feely. Only had like two friends, they weren’t touchy and I’ve never been in a relationship so I didn’t know.
Has it effected me?

Is this a thing?

OP posts:

IncompleteSenten · 06/12/2021 19:01

Is what a thing?
That some people need physical affection and some don't?
Yes it is.

Loyaultemelie · 06/12/2021 19:40

I'm not at all cuddly, nor are my DPs. DH isn't either (nor were his DPs), before i ended up on crutches permanently we would have held hands when out but that's about it. Dd1 is also not at all huggy, hates it both at home and socially too. Dd2 was more so pre pandemic and is quite cuddly with me but I don't think she will really go back to it socially.

marplemead · 06/12/2021 19:45

I was never cuddled as a child, but love cuddling my children. I don't like others touching me. My husband's niece held my hand the other day, and I really didn't like it. I didn't show it though, but was relieved when she let go. I guess have the opposite problem?

TAKESNOSHITSHIRLEY · 06/12/2021 19:51

not the topic of the post but whats you have originally written and your replies you sound like you could have autism.

i live with this daily in my own home as 2 kids(17,11 and many more disabilities each) as do their dad(my ex) who i was with for 22 years and im around other disabled kids very regularly.

you replies just jumped put to me as possibly autistic

GreenLunchBox · 06/12/2021 19:53

@Roadshiner

I like to hug my DH, kids and grandkids, but it stops there.

Absolutely hated all the ever increasing amounts of social hugging and missing kissing that was going on before the pandemic. The only benefit of covid is that all that has stopped now and I for one will be using it as a reason to never get up close to anyone’s body ever again. A quick elbow bump is more than adequate for me thanks.

Haha, this is so true.

Forion · 06/12/2021 19:58

I only cuddle the cats.

ofwarren · 06/12/2021 20:07

Are you on the autistic spectrum? I am and I understand what you are getting at.
I don't 'need' hugs. I hug my kids when they hug me and I stroke my cats but I don't really have the urge to hug anyone to be honest.
I really don't enjoy hugs, kisses, hand shakes or any social touching.

icedcoffees · 06/12/2021 20:07

I'm really not a big hugger.

It's totally okay not to be into physical affection either - we're all different :)

dimples76 · 06/12/2021 20:07

BBC Radio 4 did a study into touch a couple of years ago that you might want to look at. The study highlighted that (the right kind of) touch is important in reducing stress.

I love hugs and have definitely missed them since covid as a single parent. I love cuddling my children but it is v different to hugging another adult, really miss my Dad's hugs (he died 6 years ago). That said I can't stand holding hands, or linking arms with anyone so I think I am pretty respectful of other people's different preferences.

RaininSummer · 06/12/2021 20:25

I don't get that either OP. I have a close family, a partner and friends but rarely feel the need to hug anybody.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 06/12/2021 20:30

I've always wondered this too. Didn't understand the issue with people whinging during lockdown about not being able to hug family.

My parents weren't affectionate. I don't really have friends either. Being hugged is not something I enjoy, it's something I occasionally tolerate but try to avoid.

My DP has Aspergers and he really enjoys hugs, but only from me. He would hate to have to hug his family etc.
We have a young daughter and she's very affectionate. I don't class hugging her as being anything like hugging other people. It's lovely when she hugs us, but she usually only wants to hug her dad.

I do have to try to be aware of when my DP needs/wants a hug as otherwise I wouldn't remember that it's 'normal' behaviour.

whateveritwilltake · 07/12/2021 19:55

My sister is a community mental health nurse and said after covering a gp clinic that all most people wanted was a hug

Original poster

Yeswhatno · 07/12/2021 20:37

Yeah, I’m starting to think I just wasn’t raised by touchy/warm parents and there isin’t and never been anyone else there to hig or touch me.
I’m pretty ugly so usually people stay pretty far away from me .

So it never accure to me to get a hug in need.
Or know what that is like.

But I think it does bother me now, I dont know.

OP posts:

MadeOfStarStuff · 07/12/2021 20:48

I’m not a super touchy feely person and have been single and living alone for a long time. My best friend is a wonderful human being but not a hugger. But the isolate and not having any physical touch for months on end last year broke me.

Rupertpenrysmistress · 07/12/2021 20:58

I am like this, I don't enjoy being cuddled really I feel awkward. I cuddle my DC, although dd not a fan and of course my cat's but no one else really. I did not really have cuddles or much affection as a child so I guess that is where it comes from. I don't have additional needs it's just me. I am on with it.

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