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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not wnat to go home because the credit card bill is in...?

14 replies

LowFat · 17/12/2007 18:02

I phoned home from work to see how DD's school play went because I could'nt get time off to see her in it.

DH answered the phone and was so cold with me, he said the credit card bill is in and we are now officially broke. When I asked to speak to DD he called her with the same cold voice - both DC's are at home theymust be so worried by his attitude.

We pay our bill off completely every month - a self imposed rule. And although it will be a struggle we do have some money coming in which will cover it.

It's Christmas, I've done all the shopping because he couldnt be arsed, if asked what we had got someone he could'nt answer. I have got as much as possible through my catalogue so I will pay for it. And I dont have any family anymore, so it's all his relatives anyway.

I will break in to my ISA if it is as bad as he says. But am just dreading the argument that I know is coming. I just want to get my head in to the books and sort it out.

Any tips for calming the waters and averting the argument. I am dreading getting in the car when he picks me up, and feel sick. I even phoned him to ask him to calm down before he comes to get me.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 17/12/2007 18:04

well if u have the money to pay it off i don't see why he has a problem but maybe u have spent more than he agreed..all sounds quite harsh but it's a communication breakdown isn't it

Original poster
LowFat · 17/12/2007 18:10

He did;nt agree anything because he can't be arsed. He just said more or less' Make Christmas Happen.

He has a bonus and back pay coming in and we have an insurance check so all that would cover the bill. BUt he says he is sick of seeing money come in and go out.

However on the one occasion I drag him in a shop to look for DS, he goes off filling the trolley for DD - he's just as bad, but somehome because he got to bill before me I take it all in the neck.

If I had seen it first I would have worked out what was already accomodated and then looked for the soloution. Just really pissed at his attitude.

I work hard to feed us on a really tight budget (my SIL spends 3x what I do one weekly shop for her family of 4). I have the same t'shirts and trousers I have had for over 5 years. I go without so everyone else can have, and I dont mind, but this sort of arguement is annoying me as why should I be scared of him, when he has taken no responsibility for it. We're feeding his flipping family on Christmas day too!

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 17/12/2007 18:14

it's a shame for christmas to cause an uposet but it always does i guess

not right to be scared of dh tho..it's not just about the cc bill then is it really

sarahtwoturtledoves · 17/12/2007 18:15

I had exactly this with my DH this week-end. I usually manage the accounts on internet while he is away so usually he is oblivious to how much I spend. Unfortunately he was home this week end when it came through. All he saw was the figure, not that I had bought 2 DDs presents, spent a fortune on his mum & Dad and generally got it all out of the way in a short time. He can never be arsed to go shopping, and if it was left to him kids would have nothing. I find he really doesn't have a clue what things cost. This week end he wanted to buy himself a new sat nav for £300. If he had looked at the statement he would have seen there was nothing on there for me, as usual

Original poster
LowFat · 17/12/2007 18:16

No it is just about the CC - when DH is in a mood he brings the whole house down. I really hate it it makes me so anxious.

He is a loving, doting, caring man in every other way, has never been violent or intimidating. But the voice on the phone earlier was just awful.

OP posts:
NAB3littlemonkeys · 17/12/2007 18:18

I think he has a cheek tbh. He told you to sort Christmas, you did. If he doesn't like it he can help next year.

When you go home, remember you are a grown up, not a child waiting to get told off.

Original poster
LowFat · 17/12/2007 18:20

sarah - x posts.

We could be twins

Yep, DH wants a Wii, and PS3, we would both love to share a Nintendo DS, etc. He wants to buy a widescreen TV etc etc - I think he had earmarked this other money for some of those things And this year is the first in a good few that we have bought each other something, be it just a couple of DVD's and the odd bit of smellies or chocolate.

He forgets I pay things directly from my salary and that I putting money aside each month to cover a 'buy no pay later' sofa so we dont get hit with interest.

OP posts:
chocolateteapot · 17/12/2007 18:20

But it's not just about the credit card is it. It's about the fact that he can not be arsed to be involved in all the preparation for Christmas then complains about what you have done.

My DH has done pretty much bugger all of the Christmas shopping & arrangements but knows he is flipping lucky and wouldn't dare complain about the bill.

Original poster
LowFat · 17/12/2007 18:21

Thanx NAB

Just want to add as well that we are normally both financially intune and this is mine thats yours has never applied .....until now

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sarahtwoturtledoves · 17/12/2007 18:24

DH went away to work for the week this morning and actually took my credit card with him I felt like a child. He phoned up later to appologise, but it's his tough shit because I have told him he will have to do supermarket shop this week-end, by himself, with 2 kids What's worse is I know he will spend 3 times as much as I would have done, and we're only here for christmas day.

Original poster
LowFat · 17/12/2007 18:27

Actually Sarah, I would say good if DH could'nt manage the shop for equal to me - teach him it's not as easy.

I have offered my CC to DH as I know I have no will power. But in this instance it is all Christmas prep!
In fact I will happily cut it up myself tonight! I have a debit card for food shopping whic comes straight from the bank so is easier to manage anyway!

Oh well going home in 5....will update this when I have been home, put DC's to bed and tackled the books, wish me luck girls!

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sarahtwoturtledoves · 17/12/2007 18:34

Will be thinking of you, will have the wine bottle open and ready when you need to drown your sorrows, stolen from the shop of course, how else can I feed the family? Oh I know, I'll just go overdrawn in the bank so he has to settle that in new year too (am SAHM so have no income, just patronizing house keeping account

AwayinaMargoNooNooCribForABed · 17/12/2007 23:11

Lowfat (I've missed you btw)

Maybe he's upset with himself> I know that dh and I spend more money than we can afford. ~I say to dh "I think we should stop buying x and y to stop me buying x and y"

and happy bday baby lowfat!

Original poster
LowFat · 18/12/2007 17:05

Hi Margo,

Happy birthday to baby noonoo too!

Night was a disaster, probably said about 6 words each, unless talking to the children!

However we are talking again now and I have resolved the situation, to the point where he gets to keep some of his back pay anyhow!

Was not as bad as he made out either!

Have also come up with a plan not to over spend on groceries too.

Putting it in to action tomorrow!

Thanks for the support ladies!

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