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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use a community grocery

32 replies

guiltynetter · 06/12/2021 07:59

A community grocery opened 5 minutes away from me about 6 months ago. It looks like a proper little supermarket and you pay £5 membership and then a £3 shop up to 3 times a week, you get up to 15 items for this.

Recently I've felt so stressed with money worries. On the face of it we look OK, both work (but big childcare bills), have a house etc and don't receive any benefits but food prices have gone up so much, as has petrol and our heating bills are set to go up £50 a month and I'm not sure where we're going to get the extra from. I end up using our credit card to cover the extra in food bills every month and I can never pay it off, especially now its near Christmas. My husband had to take a lower paid job during lockdown and can't do overtime any more which we relied on before.

The grocery says its open to absolutely anybody but I feel really embarrassed to use it. I feel like it's for people who maybe have hardly anything, hardly enough food to feed their children etc. What do others think?

Has anybody else used one?

Yabu - you should leave it for the absolutely desperate
Yanbu - you should use it

OP posts:
Sirzy · 06/12/2021 08:01

Use it. That’s what it’s there for.

And rne more people use things like this then the less stigma and embarrassment will hopefully face people who need to.

tintodeverano2 · 06/12/2021 08:06

If you're having to rely on credit to buy essentials then you absolutely must use this.

Jijithecat · 06/12/2021 08:06

If it's advertised as being for everyone then it's for everyone. I'm involved with something similar myself and one of our biggest hurdles is getting people through the door because if people don't go the food gets wasted.
Speak to the organisers, either drop in or send them an email and find out more about it. I'm sure they will welcome you.

LadyCatStark · 06/12/2021 08:09

Use it, if people don’t it might shut down and then it won’t be available to those that have no choice, so think of it that way. If you feel guilty maybe go once a week instead of the 3 times that you could go?

Ragwort · 06/12/2021 08:09

Please don't feel embarrassed- this is exactly what the grocery is for.

We have a slightly different scheme in our town, the food is free (donated by supermarkets) but it's really hard to get people to use it. Everyone seems to think it's just for the hard up ... it really isn't it, it's for anyone who wants to avoid food waste but I hear so many people say 'I don't want to use it as there must be more deserving people than me' ... but that really isn't the point. Confused.

PoinsettaPrincess · 06/12/2021 08:14

We opened a community larder in our town. Please use it as it’s to stop food waste going to landfill. We had Christmas trees at the weekend as well as loads of meat, fruit and veg. Lots of people use it in our town as it’s much cheaper than using the supermarket.

horseymum · 06/12/2021 08:16

Use it now as you need it to prevent debt spiralling out of control and if your circumstances improve in the future, consider donating to something similar. Maybe see if you can do a cap money course to help priorities before things get unmanageable. I hope you feel more in control soon.

glimpsing · 06/12/2021 08:26

Use it. Then when money issues are better or when you've free time you can support them by donation / volunteering. Smile

Original poster
guiltynetter · 06/12/2021 08:26

I didn't think about it being to prevent food waste also. I use my credit card for probably just the last food shop of the month. In January hopefully I'll be a lot better off with money as my little one will get the 30 free hours at nursery saving us around £200 on childcare costs. I'm embarrassed in case I see anybody there and they think why is she here? Especially as its so close 🙈

OP posts:
picklemewalnuts · 06/12/2021 08:33

When people like you use it, it reduces the stigma for everyone else. Head in there with your head held high, you are doing a good thing!

Same with community kitchens. They need all sorts of people at them, so the people who need them most needn't feel embarrassed about being there.

It's great if you can make a financial contribution or volunteer when times are better- but use it anyway.

ChangeChingyChange · 06/12/2021 08:33

Don't be embarrassed, use it. Quite often those that work are worse off than those that don't as those that don't work get a lot more for free (sorry I know I'll get flamed but it's true!) Yet by the time we add up all the taxes and expenses of going to work etc etc we're often ending up with less at the end of the month than those that are fully on benefits etc. It shouldn't be that way but it is. Use it and one day if you're more financially stable maybe donate to give something back. Also reevaluate your finances, where else can you cut back? Is everything at the absolute minimum it can be?

CorrBlimeyGG · 06/12/2021 08:37

You're there because you need some help right now, just the same as anybody else there. Sounds like you need to get over your own preconceived ideas of what those in need of assistance look like.

Da1sycha1n · 06/12/2021 08:38

Definitely go, it's what it's there for! Your financial circumstances have changed and you are in need of the service this offers. As PPs have said if it doesn't get used it will close and everyone will suffer.

We need to stop being embarrassed about being in need AND we need to stop wasting food - some if not all of the items in the community shop are likely to have been donated by one of the larger charities set up to combat food waste. If you and others don't buy them, they'll be thrown out.

Using this service will ease a huge burden for your family which will help in many ways more than just financially.

CorrBlimeyGG · 06/12/2021 08:39

Quite often those that work are worse off than those that don't as those that don't work get a lot more for free (sorry I know I'll get flamed but it's true!)

It's not true, you can use a benefit calculator to check if you're bothered. There's always one bloody ignorant poster.

GemmaRuby · 06/12/2021 08:42

Places like this will only be sustainable if enough people use them - so please do use it.

Mrsjayy · 06/12/2021 08:42

I volunteered at something like this this sounds great go use it that is what its therefor.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 06/12/2021 08:45

Jeepers just use it. And remember that whoever you see there is also using it so you're all in it together. It's fantastic that these places exist.

Mrsjayy · 06/12/2021 08:45

Places like this have sprung up all over the country I wish there wasn't such a need but unfortunately there is so use it or lose it as "they" say.

Luredbyapomegranate · 06/12/2021 09:03

Use it!

  • there are loads of people like you - all worrying about themselves just like you
  • the more people that use them, the more they will flourish
  • why not give a brilliant community resource money, rather than your cc company
  • they are brilliant for food waste, which is one of the great shames of modern life (make sure you sign up for food waste apps also)
  • it’s not embarrassing to need help - you can’t make your self image about that, it’s not good for anyone.

If you are worried about it, rehearse a line for anyone you run into who seems curious - eg - it’s so brilliant to have this, things are tight at C’mas this year, so it’s really helpful for us, and also I really wanted to support it for everyone

If you want, you can also ask the staff when you come in if there is anything they are really short of, and you can just avoid picking up that stuff

Deliaskis · 06/12/2021 09:07

We have one locally and those who are not in 'desperate need' are definitely encouraged to use it. The food is mostly donated so the money they take, from either empty or full purses, is all used to fund and sustain the initiative and also for other local projects e.g. helping elderly people who can't get out and funding a clothes swap thing etc. So it doesn't work as well if only those in desperate need use it, as they themselves will benefit more if others do.

And food waste!

ZenNudist · 06/12/2021 09:20

It depends if you are cutting your cloth to fit in the rest of your life. YWBVU to go into debt to buy Christmas presents or treats. I'm assuming that the food shop is part of a package of cut backs in which case if you are genuinely badly off then you should use it. But I would think twice if you can afford life's little luxuries but are using the food bank as well.

My friend works but is a single parent and budgets for treats but uses a food bank. I'm not suggesting that it has to be miserable. She can manage a holiday to Turkey or butlins, or cheap matching Christmas outfits for her and her dd or a proper birthday party, but she can't afford food. Go figure. I actually think it's OK in her position and she is a proud person so I think she is just keeping up appearances as much as she can. There's a lot she can't afford.

I think you know in your heart if you buy a Christmas jumper or another stocking gift if you are being thrifty or just subbing your lifestyle by cutting food costs elsewhere. It's a really tricky one and a bunch of strangers on the Internet can't tell you if you are taking from those in need, or in need yourself.

ChangeChingyChange · 06/12/2021 09:20

@CorrBlimeyGG

Quite often those that work are worse off than those that don't as those that don't work get a lot more for free (sorry I know I'll get flamed but it's true!)

It's not true, you can use a benefit calculator to check if you're bothered. There's always one bloody ignorant poster.

Quite often it is true, not always but there isnt much difference sometimes between working full time on minimum wage or being on benefits. I work in banking and finance so I see it every single day.
SandysMam · 06/12/2021 09:23

I just looked up our local one out of curiosity. It says very strictly proof of benefits and need required. I hate that! Surely no one who doesn’t need it will use it? And it makes those who need it feel judged! I think yours sounds very welcoming, just use it, and think how great it will be to stop the spiral of debt before it becomes a huge problem! If you see anyone there who knows you, they will be very unlikely to judge as either in the same boat or if volunteering, are a good person.

ChangeChingyChange · 06/12/2021 09:25

This is why the system is so wrong. It should be means tested regardless of benefit status. Such a shame.

Winter2020 · 06/12/2021 09:26

If you are living a fairly frugal life and struggling then absolutely go for it OP and don't feel guilty - as you said it's only for a short time until your child care bill is reduced and things will get easier.

However - in my opinion - if you have thousands in savings (whether mentally tagged for new double glazing/new car/absolute emergencies/holiday next year then you shouldn't. I have seen enough tgreads in here where simeone asks for budgeting help as they are "struggling" but actually has thousands for "absolute emergencies". If you can't affird food that is an emergency.

If you pay hundreds each month for a posh car on HP I don't think you should (at least unless you have explored every option of handing it back/downgrading as circumstances have changed). If you get expensive phone upgrades annually and pay heavily each month for them then I don't think you should.

If you will be spending "hundreds" on xmas presents or panto etc then I don't think you should.

Basically (although I might get flamed and I am not saying for a minute that people who are struggling shouldn't have anything nice) but speaking as someone who drives a 12 year old Picanto, has a second hand phone on Sim only and plenty of debt I don't think people should use subsidised food to maintain an expensive standard of living. If however you live frugally and are struggling go for it. When you are better off remember to pay it forward.