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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

i'm not. i know i'm not.

55 replies

FairyTaleOfNewYork · 17/12/2007 17:46

am not as ranty as earlier, so dont worry lol.

child in school so sick he was almost asleep.

keep your kids off school if they are ill. apart from if they arent well they should be at home being looked after by a aprent/guardian, you are also placing my family i na risky situation, and ireally really dont want a hospital admission this year over xmas. because we have spent the last 3 years over the holiday period with dh in hospital.

OP posts:
ChristmasSendsMePsycho · 17/12/2007 20:54

if it helps at all, there are some responsible parents out there.

my two boys were sick last weekend after too much party food. I kept them home on the monday tho just to be safe as I could guarantee it was just the party food. I wasn't going to risk sending a bug into school!

I rang school tho, and the secretary made ME feel as tho I was over reacting!

I said that I would be pretty pissed off if another mum sent her kiddies in to spread a bug this close to xmas, so was not going to do that. secretary seemd shocked, and then the other one rang later to make me feel worse and commented that my kiddies were at risk of missing too much school.

thing is tho, I have 3 kiddies with immunity probs meaning that should they pick up a bug they could potentially react badly to it and end up in hospital. not guaranteed, but still a risk I am willing to take. chicken pox is the biggest worry as DD3 ends up with it EVERY time she is in contact with it, and apart from the last 2 yrs, would end up in hospital with it.

soooo......shoe on the other foot and all that....I don't risk sendng mine in if I am at all not sure. I also tell the other mums up there why when they query my 'softness' in the hope that one of them will take note when they try to send theirs in with a sicky bug (not happened yet tho!)

colds I could handle, sicky bugs and high temps really really NOT!

Original poster
FairyTaleOfNewYork · 17/12/2007 20:55

i know OJ, but seeing as the situation is very well publicised here (small town, small school), and we came back to school with congratualtions from people i didnt even know, and i have mentioned this before to this parent, i am just seething.

just hoping that dd2 hasnt caught the bug.

OP posts:
LittleSleighBellasRinging · 17/12/2007 20:58

My DD went into school this morning absolutely normal and well.

When I went to collect her at 3PM, she was shivering, crying, complaining with a headache and had a really high temperature. She looked really ill. Her teacher explained that she hadn't phoned me to collect her because she only started to complain of the headache half an hour before. But anyone looking at us must have wondered why I'd sent such a sick child to school. I hadn't though.

onlyjoking9329 · 17/12/2007 21:00

well if they all know then there is no excuse

Original poster
FairyTaleOfNewYork · 17/12/2007 21:00

coolkat, he wasnt well when he was dropped off.

i know kids can downhill fast, has happened to mine often enough.

thanks physco.

OP posts:
differentbutthesame · 17/12/2007 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JingEllBells · 17/12/2007 21:09

At dd2's school there is a child with a health problems which means that it could be really dangerous for him/her (don't know who it is) to be exposed to chicken pox or shingles. The school sends reminders home about it at the start of each term, and parents are asked to keep their children off school if they are at all uncertain about them having chicken pox, just to be on the safe side.

Sounds like your school is not being very supportive. and for you.

bookofchristmascarolsmum · 17/12/2007 21:14

I hate seeing kids dragged to school if they're not well. I'm the same with adults who turn up with colds in work and pass them onto everyone else. Insted of one person going off sick, it takes out half the office . Where you know someone has a reduced immune system, it's even more irresponsible to wander around with germs.

chipmonkey · 17/12/2007 22:13

I remember ds1 coming home and saying that a child in his class was lying down ill at the back of the classroom but his Mum couldn't come and get him as she would get fired! Don't know what her work situation was but very to think that one inconsiderate boss was risking the health of a whole class.

WinkyWinkola · 17/12/2007 22:15

And the health of that poor child lying down!

chipmonkey · 17/12/2007 22:38

I know, WW and how uncomfortable for him as well!

IsawKIMIkissingsantaclaus · 18/12/2007 09:34

There were 8 yes 8 children going in to year one today, Not one class had a full line and only 3 of the usual teachers were there

VVVExcitedAboutChristmasQV · 18/12/2007 11:56

Makes me , knowing that i've mentioned, and still it's not thought of.

mustsleep · 18/12/2007 12:09

that's what some bosses are like though

when ds had just started daycare (back when i used to work) he seemed to get every bug going and then i would catch it too it was awful all because people canlt keep their kids at home for a couple of days

anyway my boss said to me on more than one occasion, can't you just leave him with a neighbour, no his poo is liquid and he is throing up every two mins but i'm sure my neighbour that i've known for three months would love to watch him ffs

toomanysleighs · 18/12/2007 12:14

Oh Misdee. There are so many threads about this at the moment - the sick kids in school thing is annoying for all of us but must be particularly distressing for you. What have the school said?

binklebells · 18/12/2007 12:24

I feel for you and I feel for the child. I have very mixed feelings about this. My mum has advanced bone and breast cancer - she is having lots of chemo but cure is unlikely - it is more for pain relief - and her immunity is basically at nil. We have been told not to be around her with colds, infections etc - nor to let the dog to near her.

The problem is I dont see that I have the right to get annoyed at others for the fact that my family being in the vicinity of poorly people could affect my mum by proxy.

It's a very difficult and upsetting situation that consideration of our unconnected family member's condition obviously cannot reasonably dictate the actions of third parties.

beeper · 18/12/2007 12:28

Sorry about your DH but in reality there are bugs flying about everywhere its viturally impossible to avoid them. Most colds/flu have a incubation period when they are contagious and the person is not even showing symptoms.

I agree that sick kids should be off school, but then I think that all kids should be off school all the time

So in the respect of ill kids in school. YANBU.

But facts are you cant hide from germs.

HonoriaGlossop · 18/12/2007 12:53

I have huge sympathy for the incredibly stressful position you're in Fairy and I hope that Christmas is wonderful for you all in the end.

I do think that too many ill children get sent to school and in your particular situation I certainly think your Head should show some support and send a note requesting that parents take this issue seriously in view of it's possible effects.

It is a problem that I just can't see the solution to though, unfortunately; we are a society where the vast majority of families need both parents working, where the expectations are of long hours being done and of a huge disapproval of parents taking time out to care for their kids (and of that leave, if people feel able to ask for it without endangering their livelihoods, and if given, being unpaid which makes it impossible for some to take). I also think that many, many families end up with the responsibility for dealing with sick kids coming down on the mum, and for the situation to improve even a bit we need an equal expectation on both parents for time needed to be shared between them as that at least spreads the load of time being asked for.

It's a horrible issue but of course the important thing is actually the life of someone like your DH who needs not to be exposed to stuff.

Original poster
FairyTaleOfNewYork · 18/12/2007 14:52

i know we can't hide from germs, but i will do all i can to avoid getting ill and infecting my dh. i was actually very unwell last month, and my biggest fear was Peter catching what I had. It went through the family, but the worst affected was me! which was shocking. But Peter still had to call up the hospital to see if any extra care needd to be done for him. fortunatly he sailed through it.

i just really feel like i am tearing my hair out. feel very ddown about it, i know.

OP posts:
Original poster
FairyTaleOfNewYork · 18/12/2007 15:00

binklebells, i will have to sadly disagree with you. i do think that people should think that there are vunalable people in the community and to think twice before doing stuff like this. i'm sorry about your mum, and i do hope you all manage to stay well this winter. havew you had the flu jab? we all have.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 18/12/2007 15:32

sick children should be at home, end of story. Firstly, i know that when i feel like shit, i dont go to work (well apart from now because you dont get any sick leave as a SAHM) so why would i expect my child to attend.

And yes, you are right, why should they then infect the rest of the class and even the teacher. I get really upset if i see an obviously ill child with snotty nose etc at play group. I DO NOT WANT YOUR CHILDS BLOODY GROLLIES THANKYOU VERY MUCH!!

My DD has a rotten cold that my DP is convinced she caught from a boy being dragged around the shops after his mother, xmas shopping, coughing all over the place he was. Because she had a cold i didnt take her to her baby music session this week, she really loves it and i know there would have been christmas songs but wouldn't it be awful to spre4ad the germs around the entire group.

Misdee - i totally understand you being sensitive about this. I'm not sure about the situation with transplant patients, what have the hospital advised you to do? (i know you know what to do, but i am interested is all)

I really hope that you and your family have a wonderful xmas this year, the start of a bit of normality for you all (whatever that is!) it is well deserved.

Original poster
FairyTaleOfNewYork · 18/12/2007 15:42

if he comes into contact with things like chickenpox, he has to call the hopspuital for some dort of treatment, if its a bug flying through our house (d+v, high fever, anything apart from a simple cold) then he has to go and stay elsewhere, effectively splitting the family up again.

and i really dont fancy sending him to his mum over xmas

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 18/12/2007 15:52

oh, thats really sad. Fingers crossed you will all be together. Chin up, things are looking up, you sound like you are having a bit of a rough day, and you are such a positive person. Your DH is so lucky to have you.

Original poster
FairyTaleOfNewYork · 18/12/2007 15:56

i am stupidly pre-menstral and finding it really hard this week.

just finding it hard to relax as the last few xmas's have been so hard. and knowing thqat this year it will be good, but someone out there is missing their lvoed one on their first xmas.

OP posts:
lucyellensmum · 18/12/2007 16:12

I think you are entitled to feel a bit shit sometimes you know. I had a meltdown the other day over something trivial and my problems pale into insignificance compared to yours. Maybe you should run a bath, have a glass of wine and a good cry, get it out of your system.

I understand that you do feel sad for the family who's loved one donated their heart to Peter, but you must also feel that their being able to do such a wonderful thing must be of great comfort to them and it would have been what that person would have wanted.

I lost my father two years ago and sadly his organs were not fit for anything, but it would have been a great comfort to me if they could have been. LEM reminds herself to make sure she gets another donor card!

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