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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding

27 replies

Chesneyhawkes1 · 05/12/2021 17:11

DH and I have been invited to a wedding. His friends. I've met them twice.

Wedding is 2 hours drive away. DH wants to stay for the meal and a few drinks after. In his words "he's not rushing off after"

I'm at work the next day at 4am. Have asked for leave and can't have it. So will need to be up at 3am.

I really don't want to go. I've said to him to go on his own. Book a hotel, enjoy the night etc. But he's grumpy and wants me to go to 🤦‍♀️ he will know lots of other people there if that makes a difference.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 05/12/2021 17:13

What time is the wedding?

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 05/12/2021 17:15

I think if you can’t leave early then yes, don’t go. He’s being unreasonable. He’s not the one having to get up at 3am. And let’s face it, he won’t want to leave early.

MrzClaus · 05/12/2021 17:16

Can you both go, then you leave early (ish!) so you're home in time for work, and leave him to party / stay in a hotel? Could be the best solution to meet in the middle!

gogohm · 05/12/2021 17:17

I would ask work again, if still no say to him you cannot go unless you leave by 8pm

Klinkerbell · 05/12/2021 17:19

Stay home OP, there is no reason you need to attend. DH is capable of going on his own.

Original poster
Chesneyhawkes1 · 05/12/2021 17:20

It's New Years Eve I'm asking for off work - not a chance I'll get it.

Wedding is at 1.30 he says, so I thought that's ok. Then the meal, speeches etc. Then he said he's not rushing off. Wants a few drinks with his mates. I'm guessing I'll be driving home!

Him staying overnight and me leaving is a good idea. I'll suggest that 😊

OP posts:
TolkiensFallow · 05/12/2021 17:21

Both drive down there, you drive home after the mean and he can stay over and get the train home.

Sn0tnose · 05/12/2021 17:21

He’s being utterly ridiculous.

Original poster
Chesneyhawkes1 · 05/12/2021 17:21

@Klinkerbell this is what I think. He's a big boy and all his friends will be there.

I'll only really know him. I won't be able to drink, which is fine, but everyone else will be drunk and I just can't be bothered with a long drive back late at night 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Kite22 · 05/12/2021 17:24

He's being ridiculous.
You have been invited out of politeness - which is nice, but the B&G won't mind in the slightest if you can't make it.

What is his reasoning for not wanting to go on his own and then "having a few drinks with his mates" ?

Original poster
Chesneyhawkes1 · 05/12/2021 17:28

@Kite22 he didn't actually give a reason.

We can't seem to have a sensible conversation about it, without him getting shitty that I don't want to come.

If I was off work the next day I'd gladly go.

OP posts:
ColettesEarrings · 05/12/2021 17:29

No a cat in hell's chance I'd go tbh. Dh can go by himself, stay over, and have a great time, and you don't have to do four hours the driving the day before a 4am shift.

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 05/12/2021 17:30

So he would go then get up at 3am? If it were him?

Blinkingheckythump · 05/12/2021 17:32

Jesus no don't go. He's perfectly capable of going alone and no doubt he wouldn't go if the roles were reversed

ChangeChingyChange · 05/12/2021 17:33

What an absolute twat. So he doesn't want to compromise at all and then wonders why you don't want to go? Just don't go OP, let him be grumpy. You sound a bit doormatty (sorry!) And need to say no. "I won't be rushing off" what a twat.

Original poster
Chesneyhawkes1 · 05/12/2021 17:38

Yeah I need to be a bit tougher I think and just say I'm not going.

I don't particularly want to say "I'll go but we need to leave by X time" because you can guarantee X time will come around and it'll take another hour to actually leave!

I get that if you've both been invited it's nice to go with your partner - but when you work shifts its not always possible.

OP posts:
SunInMyEyes · 05/12/2021 17:47

Tell him to go alone.

VickyEadieofThigh · 05/12/2021 17:49

No chance that I'd go but I'd be very happy for my partner to go alone.

He's entirely unreasonable expecting you to go.

EdgeOfTheSky · 05/12/2021 17:50

Can he get a lift home the next day if you leave early evening?

garlictwist · 05/12/2021 17:52

HIBU. Getting up at 3am sounds awful never mind after a late night. Plus if I were him I'd probably rather go on my own and have fun with people I knew.

TheDuchessOfBeddington · 05/12/2021 17:56

This is why people shouldn’t have their wedding the day before NYE!

AuntieDolly · 05/12/2021 18:01

Are you a bin man op?

Original poster
Chesneyhawkes1 · 05/12/2021 18:42

@AuntieDolly no 😂😂 a train driver!

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 05/12/2021 18:56

He is being very unreasonable. He needs to get a grip and go on his own.

TractorAndHeadphones · 05/12/2021 18:58

[quote Chesneyhawkes1]@AuntieDolly no 😂😂 a train driver![/quote]
Cool job OP ;)
YANBU but why is he so adamant on you coming? Has he said why?

We can all ageee with you but if he doesn’t want to budge…

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