Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Will I be in trouble?

22 replies

lostintime0789 · 05/12/2021 14:12

I'm so worried and hungover from last night's works Xmas party Sad

Basically, since I started back in September, there is a girl who took an instant disliking to me from day one, very loud, likes to be seen and heard type of girl. Few snidy comments were made and she would gather the team together to chat but not include me. Long story short, I messaged her a few weeks ago asking if we needed to talk as I didn't understand her hostility towards me. We did and she said when I started, I 'ruffled some feathers' as I had been in a higher position before this one and was a but frustrated at how quiet the workload was compared to my previous job.

Anyway, things were fine, though she was still dis-cluding me from conversations, lunch breaks together etc.
Last night's Xmas party, she was very close to one of the girls who works downstairs - I have never had any dealings with this other girl nor even had a conversation. I tried to make conversation with her & she just looked at me rudely. I asked her why, and she said "no-one likes you" ! This obviously pissed me off so I kept asking what she meant when she doesn't even know me!
Outside the bar, she randomly called me a 'slag' which tipped me right over the edge (as I was raped 4 wks ago) so I retorted by calling her fat-ass, which I know I shouldn't have, I was just so angry Angry
Now I'm so worried I will lose my job over this as they're like a big clique and I have all these crazy feelings that they may go collectively to my manager and/or HR and say something like I'm not being part of the team or something, and also my comment to her last night? SadSadSad But what gives somebody the right to call you a slag and tell me no-one likes me, when I've never even had an exchange with this girl and was being nice by trying to make friendly conversation with her ??? AngrySad
My anxiety is through the roof right now Sad

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 05/12/2021 14:17

Sounds more like a school than a workplace! no one behaved well. I’m very sorry to hear of your assault though.

Fingers crossed nothing will come of it but maybe just get on with your work and avoid trying to befriend the clique.

girafferafferaffe · 05/12/2021 14:21

I mean it sounds like a horrible place to work. Could it be an opportunity to find something else?

ChangeChingyChange · 05/12/2021 14:23

Total aside but why do you care about some bitchy women when you were raped 4 weeks ago?! Fair play to you for even being at work or work parties etc as I know I'd be traumatised for ages If this happened to me. Remove yourself from the drama, basically some people don't like you but are they people you'd want to like you? No. So just rise above it, be professional, crack on with work and chatting to people you do like and ignore the bitchy horrible ones. I'd go to your boss and discuss what happened etc I'm sure they'll be In trouble rather than you! Terrible behaviour.

jimmyhill · 05/12/2021 14:24

You're certainly going to be in trouble for calling her a "girl" on here.

Original poster
lostintime0789 · 05/12/2021 14:30

It's the worst place I've worked for cliques, I don't like to be a part of them but they constantly whisper, snigger, be very hostile it's pathetic Sad

I do get on with others, of course, I just get really upset when people don't like me, and for no food reason, and yes, I hate that I do Sad

OP posts:
AliveAndSleeping · 05/12/2021 14:31

I'm so sorry to hear of your assault and that you are having s tough time at work. I doubt you'll lose your job over calling someone a fatass especially if you were provoked.

How is s your relationship with your manager? Could you ask them for help/ their opinion on how to deal with your colleage's hostility?

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 05/12/2021 14:33

Op can you go to a manager or your boss and discuss their behaviour..the bitchy woman sounds like the ring leader if she is getting people who don't even know you or work with you to call you names...go and tell your boss everything you have said here, surely they have to protect against workplace bullies,

daisypond · 05/12/2021 14:35

It sounds a horrendous place to work. It sounds like you are a victim of workplace bullying. How come you have your colleagues’ numbers to message them, though? Best keep your professional and personal life separate.

LostForIdeas · 05/12/2021 14:40

I’d look for another job.

Nit because if what you did and because you are likely to be fired. Because I really don’t think this would happen.

But because this place is toxic and will drag you down/make your anxiety flare up.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 05/12/2021 14:47

I'd be putting in a grievance if I were you. They are bullying you and this is not acceptable conduct in a workplace. I'd also be telling HR about the fact that you were raped and she called you a slag. OK she didn't know but HR doesn't know that and it will get her in some very very hot water.

I think you're quite right to call her a girl as grown women do not behave this way. Silly little girl, what does she think, that she's still in school? She needs to grow up.

1forAll74 · 05/12/2021 14:49

What kind of place are you working at,, where people don't know how to behave in a workplace environment, it sounds awful.

Ellen888 · 05/12/2021 14:51

I'm sorry to hear about your rape OP Flowers

I second those who say you need to leave.

In the meantime check out the work bullying policy and make a complaint to HR.

KittenCatcher · 05/12/2021 14:54

Calling you a slag is awful especially if they know you were raped, is it a large company with a manager and h.r. if you want to stay in this horeible job then you need to speak to the manager and get this sorted out, its playground bullying. Is it healthcare by any chance.

carlyswirly · 05/12/2021 14:56

What on earth? I'd be totally horrified if this were happening where I work. It sounds unprofessional and toxic and I wouldn't be hanging around.

Original poster
lostintime0789 · 05/12/2021 15:01

Thank you for your replies Daffodil

It's engineering, large company with HR. My managers are really nice, but like to be everybody's friend unfortunately Sad
I did raise the issue of the main girl who seems to have issues with me, to both my line managers and they said to let them know if more goes on. But then they are really friendly with said girl (office hugs etc.!) Hmm
This is why I got so angry with the 'slag' comment; not just because she doesn't know me but yes, because of what I went through last month Sad I'm so confused at how this other girl can tell me 'no-one likes me' when we've literally never had any dealings with one another, but yes, she is pretty close with the main bitch, who I do believe to be a sort of 'ringleader'. A friend in work describes this girl as a 'pick-me girl', who always strives to be centre of attention, doesn't like anyone else taking the shine off of her etc Hmm She has made me feel shit since day one basically Sad

OP posts:
KittenCatcher · 05/12/2021 15:11

She is a silly little jealous insecure bully but people lime this get away with it because people just leave or dont make a formal complaint. I would go back to your manager, maybe occy health if there is one. If your manager doesn't deal with this professionally and objectively then just ,leave, its more trouble than its worth sometimes. Bullying is insidious, weak manager know it goes on but dont tackle it.
I would try not to discuss this with friends at work, keep it professional, dont engage with the silly girls, dont ask her or message her again.

neverbeenskiing · 05/12/2021 15:30

Total aside but why do you care about some bitchy women when you were raped 4 weeks ago?!

It is possible to be devastated by a major event in your life, but still be upset by other things too. In fact, experiencing a trauma like rape can make other emotions/situations seem heightened.

Fair play to you for even being at work or work parties etc as I know I'd be traumatised for ages If this happened to me.

I'm sure you meant this kindly, but it's a little insensitive. Everyone thinks they "know" how they would feel, act and behave if it happened to them but the truth is you have no idea. Until it does. Also just because someone gets up, gets dressed, goes to work, sees friends and family and tries to continue with some semblance of normality, that doesn't mean they aren't traumatised.

madmumofteens · 05/12/2021 17:30

Oh OP I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you I hope you are getting support in RL and that you are having a hard time at work! It sounds a toxic environment and having experienced it recently myself I went to my line manager told her I didn't want to take it further but if it happened again I wanted to make it formal for you 💐 solidarity the nasty little bitches will get their karma look after yourself x

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 05/12/2021 17:33

I think being sacked would be a blessing in disguise.

You deserve much better than this. And you know it.

Head held high. They’re clearly jealous Orr threatened by you. You’ve changed the vibe in the building. They are nothing. Little girls who’re rattled by you.

Look at them and laugh.

CourtRand · 05/12/2021 18:41

You won't get fired for calling her a fat ass. One, because they have no evidence of it and two, because she was the instigator.

Original poster
lostintime0789 · 05/12/2021 20:03

@madmumofteens

Oh OP I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you I hope you are getting support in RL and that you are having a hard time at work! It sounds a toxic environment and having experienced it recently myself I went to my line manager told her I didn't want to take it further but if it happened again I wanted to make it formal for you 💐 solidarity the nasty little bitches will get their karma look after yourself x
I currently have no support, no and I'm sat in tears as I type this SadSadSad

Before I started in this place, I knew my boss as I had already been working on the contract but for one of their sub-contractors, so I kinda had pre-knowledge of the job, more so than a few of said bitches.

I'm just so worried I won't be kept on at the end of my probation as they might see me as the one creating a bad vibe or something Sad

I have really, really tried with these girls and my kindness has just come back to hit me in the face Sad I'm dreading going in tomorrow Sad

OP posts:
madmumofteens · 06/12/2021 06:10

Oh OP keep your head up you've been through so much you are better than them just keep on going on sending love and strength 💐💪

New posts on this thread. Refresh page