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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy Xmas presents...

14 replies

isacurlypotatoaquaver · 05/12/2021 11:00

So obviously Xmas is in 20 days now. Me and dp have discussed presents briefly for ds. Today I've said to him that I've put some bits in the basket can you check if there's anything that may need to be added or dismissed. His response was "you're not going to bug me about presents are you?"

Excuse me. It's nearly Xmas and we have dc who are excited about it...

Aibu to ask about this?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 05/12/2021 11:02

Of course not. But this probably isn’t the first indication he’s disengaged and expects you to do it all?

HolidayTime2021 · 05/12/2021 11:18

How old is DS?
Under 3 not a problem- you can get it all at Sainsburys
Age 10 with a complicated list- need to get organised

MasterBeth · 05/12/2021 11:20

Wife work!

Returnoftheowl · 05/12/2021 11:22

@MasterBeth

Wife work!
Clearly this! He knows you'll do it for him, he'll be able to take the credit and not have to use his brain or any energy at all.
Hemingwayscats · 05/12/2021 11:22

I’ve never really bothered involving DH with this ‘life admin’ if you like because he isn’t really bothered and just tells me to get whatever they want.

Lasair · 05/12/2021 12:44

Do you need his permission to spend money?

Scanner20 · 05/12/2021 12:48

My DH is surprised as much as the dc at Christmas! He has little involvement in buying, wrapping or planning gifts. Just helps me put them out Christmas Eve.

tallduckandhandsome · 05/12/2021 12:50

@Scanner20

My DH is surprised as much as the dc at Christmas! He has little involvement in buying, wrapping or planning gifts. Just helps me put them out Christmas Eve.
I wouldn’t let him ‘help’ with that when he does fuck all.
RicherThanYew · 05/12/2021 12:54

If he's not willing to pull his weight with Christmas gifts then he needs to step up in a different area, I recommend waking up in the morning with your child. That's the situation in my house, I like it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/12/2021 13:00

I don't think most men are as bothered about fulfilling societal expectations of Christmas as women are. And if they've never had to be the one organising it they will have NO IDEA how long it takes and how much prep goes into it. I laughed at a FB "on this day" memory yesterday from about 8 years ago, I was moaning about how DH kept asking me what I was buying "all this wine and shit for" every time I went shopping.

To be fair when the kids were younger I only worked PT so didn't mind sorting it all. I drew the line at coming up with ideas for his side of the family but if he gave me a list of exact items to pick up I didn't mind doing it. But as I upped my hours to FT then I had to inform DH that we wouldn't have a Christmas if he didn't help out. And he would be responsible for buying EVERYTHING for his side of the family, cos I had my own to buy for. Plus he'd need to come up with ideas for our boys now they were older and I was struggling to come up with things to buy for them. I also gave him half the kids stuff to wrap a couple of days before Christmas. And made sure we sat down to write any Christmas food shopping lists together.

He's always been pretty good with the putting the decorations up but I Think that's because it was a big thing for his dad in their house growing up.

You just need to INSIST that he gets involved - point out the unfairness of sitting on his arse while you stress yourself silly trying to organise everything. Too many men have grown up with mums that didn't work at all or only very part time and so took on the main job of organising Christmas. Fair enough, but times have changed and most modern families have both parents working FT and it's bloody hard to fit anything else around work and standard day to day living. They HAVE to step up. Or have an agreement to cut right back on what you all do at Christmas.

TempName01 · 05/12/2021 13:00

DH and I each choose and buy presents for DC separately which will come ‘from Santa’. So you could just do this and say you have arranged your share of gifts and will leave him to buy the rest in his own time.

Lasair · 06/12/2021 09:23

@TempName01 that’s a really strange way to do present buying for your kids.

TempName01 · 06/12/2021 09:42

[quote Lasair]@TempName01 that’s a really strange way to do present buying for your kids.[/quote]
Why do you think that? We both want to choose things for the kids and share the effort choosing, buying and wrapping. We do discuss bigger presents such as a bike or console though.

MangoBiscuit · 06/12/2021 10:14

ExH used to be like this. Totally saw it as my job to sort everything out, what with me having a uterus and all. Didn't matter if I was working FT or not. Happily took the credit when his family thanked us though. Hmm

DP isn't big on Christmas, but his attitude is so different. Sorting out plans with me, meal planning, discussing and buyinng presents, wrapping etc.

OP, if your DP wants a Christmas, he can muck in and do his share. What did you say to him after that response?

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