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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD? Sleep over

18 replies

Bluedoor11 · 04/12/2021 22:51

OK so my friend’s daughter is staying overnight. All has gone very well, they both had a lovely time this afternoon/evening, and went really happy to the bedroom to sleep. Only her friend is not able to sleep now… she’s really homesick, so we’ve had a few tears. She is 8 and the first time she’s doing a sleepover with us, so I guess she’s just nervous sleeping in a new house. We’ve tried phoning the parents to see if they can talk to her as that may calm her down, but they are in a party (which is totally fine, we knew about the party) so haven’t seen the messages… this is only our daughter’s second sleepover so I’m new at this!! What would you do? Try to settle her down? I’ve already texted her parents so they see the message at some point. Try to get through the parents again? 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

deeedeee · 04/12/2021 22:57

Just distract the friend with drinks, cuddles, stories, funny you tube videos about kittens, audiobook, silly conversations (whatever works) until she falls asleep or you hear back from her parents. Just let her know she’s safe and it’s ok fine to feel homesick/anxious, you’re not cross or worried. I’m sure her mum and dad will check their phones soon. Or she’ll fall asleep

Shoemadlady · 04/12/2021 22:58

This is a tough one. If she's homesick that's understandable but would she let you lie down next to her for a cuddle?
I'd say no thanks or stories as you don't want her to be on high alert, but cuddles always work.
Maybe ask her what's worrying her and try and allay those fears or worries xx

parietal · 04/12/2021 22:59

talking to her parents might well make her more upset. I'd keep things quiet and read more bedtime stories. Get out the stories that are probably too young for the kids and read those nice & slowly with a v dim light in the room.

does she have a cuddly toy? If not, can you lend her one with a story about how kind strong Bear will look after her all night?

AppleKatie · 04/12/2021 23:00

I would distract as above. It doesn’t matter if she’s tired tomorrow so treat her and hopefully she’ll calm and drop off.

Wilkolampshade · 04/12/2021 23:01

Well, if you've done all you can do (including actually ringing them?) then try some good old fashioned distraction techniques. Get them both up (the kids) and try late night story/baking/suitable film viewed from a homemade den in the front room type session. The novelty of it might distract and allow her to relax a bit.

GaolBhoAlba · 04/12/2021 23:03

Well yes, try and settle her! Reassure her that she'll see her mum and dad tomorrow, tell her you've got a special breakfast planned for the morning. I know its not ideal (its late) but maybe make them some hot chocolate and let them watch a bit of a movie (Elf or something), it'll distract her and hopefully she'll start to feel sleepy.

As an aside, i'd never have agreed to having a friend for a first time sleep over knowing the parents were out partying! Fair enough once their kid had stayed over a few times, but the first one is always a test.

Starcaller · 04/12/2021 23:03

Oh bless her. Can you all snuggle up on sofa and put a Disney film on or something with lights off while you wait to hear from her parents?

Original poster

Bluedoor11 · 04/12/2021 23:06

Trying to distract her and reassure her, but she’s still crying… and now my DD is getting upset because the friend is upset. Please tell me this is a standard sleep over and it’s not just me!

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 04/12/2021 23:12

It’s not just you. An upset kid who’s not yours is really hard.

Put on a film. Tell her Mum and Dad will see the messages but in the meantime we’re all going to snuggle back up on the sofa and have a midnight feast…

deeedeee · 04/12/2021 23:15

Pretty normal in my experience!

Just parent them until they fall asleep xx they will eventually

GaolBhoAlba · 04/12/2021 23:21

@Bluedoor11

Trying to distract her and reassure her, but she’s still crying… and now my DD is getting upset because the friend is upset. Please tell me this is a standard sleep over and it’s not just me!

You'll need to be jolly, but firm, Mum. Take charge, tell them we're drying our eyes now, and getting cosy and watching a movie. Let them choose a snack and drink.

And no its not just you, I hate sleep overs! I'll have my DD's friends over all day any day, but I want them off home at bed time!

Original poster

Bluedoor11 · 04/12/2021 23:21

Drama developing here - now my DD has gone downstairs upset because she thinks this is all her fault for inviting her friend over … DH is with her. I’ve tried some stories and cuddles with friend and , I think, she may just fall sleep soon… just sat outside the door …

OP posts:

deeedeee · 04/12/2021 23:23

Almost there! Stay strong!

Original poster

Bluedoor11 · 04/12/2021 23:45

OK both finally asleep! They’ll be tired tomorrow… hopefully they’ll remember all the fun they had during the day and not just the drama at night! Her parents phoned as soon as they saw the messages, bless them. Luckily friend was already asleep so I just reassured them. I think I’m going to need to toughen up to be able to deal with more sleep overs in the future! Lol

OP posts:

deeedeee · 04/12/2021 23:47

Yeah in my experience they won’t dwell on the drama. X

ThinWomansBrain · 04/12/2021 23:58

glad they're both sorted
Probably the last thing you want to think about now, but agree with PP to do a few when parents are available in an emergency - and also your DD staying with them - so that you can move on to mutual sleepovers for childcare.

Original poster

Bluedoor11 · 05/12/2021 07:47

I guess you live and learn! I think we just thought that because they know each other very well they would be fine … (you can tell DD is my only child! ) they are both still sleeping, bless them. Hopefully they’ll get up happy and ready to carry on playing!

OP posts:

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 05/12/2021 07:56

I had a friend as a child who literally couldn’t do sleepovers ever. Even aged 11-13 or whatever she would just cry and her mother would rush to pick her up. She was the youngest and the mother quite enjoyed feeling needed and so the cycle continued. In the end my mother just refused to have her round as it happened every. Single. Time!

You handled this v well and well done. Probably her getting through the night at yours will help her the next time

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