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Original poster

Putting gifted money in DSs bank account?

57 replies

PanettoneSeason · 04/12/2021 20:36

DS turned 1 recently and was given so many beautiful cards and gifts by friends and family. Some family gifted money instead as they were unsure what to get which was also lovely.

He’s 1. Realistically, he needs nothing. He has more clothes, books and toys than some children could ever dream of. So instead of buying him toys etc with the money that was gifted I’ve put it all into his bank account. It can be used at a later date if there’s something that he needs or if not, any gifted money will build up and he can use it as he wishes when he’s older.

Have I made some kind of major parenting faux pas here?! My DM is absolutely affronted 😳 apparently what I’m supposed to do is buy something with the money and let the person who gifted the money know exactly what was bought - or better yet, a picture of DS playing with/wearing said item 😬😳 I’m honestly a bit baffled by it!

Everyone received a personal handwritten thank you note - it’s not like I didn’t acknowledge the gifted money at all! Would you be offended if you had given a money gift in this situation?

OP posts:
gloriousgolden · 04/12/2021 21:19

Your DM is completely batshit. I have a 4year old and a 2 year old and they both have bank accounts with a not insignificant amount in them. My 4YO has almost £1k saved and it's mostly from money he's been given at birthdays and christmas. If I'd pissed that on toys and more paw patrol shit I'd genuinely be drowning, the amount of crap toys they have amassed at 4 years of age is painful without buying extra!

mouse70 · 04/12/2021 21:24

I send money to family children for birthdays and Christmas as I have no idea what they would like or what they have already. (If I am honest I would prefer it is put into savings) many children have so much in toys(sometimes rubbish and forgotten/ outgrown quickly) but it is up to the parents when child very young and as child becomes older let them choose.

Original poster
PanettoneSeason · 04/12/2021 21:25

@RandomMess

As a mum to teens don't leave it in an account they get access to at 16 😉
@RandomMess 🤣🤣 I checked with the bank before opening it. I can delay access beyond that 🤣 DH was handed an account at 18 with almost £10,000 in 😬 he bought a very overpriced secondhand car, took himself and his best friend on a wild weekend out in a nearby city and bought them both designer gear to wear out 😳 drank the rest of the money 🙈 he wrote the car off 3 months later when he crashed into the back of a parked Volvo because he was distracted singing to Backstreet Boys 😳🤣🤣 So just incase he takes after his father with more than just his looks, I can make sure the money is safe 🤣
OP posts:
LeftieLucy · 04/12/2021 21:26

@RandomMess

As a mum to teens don't leave it in an account they get access to at 16 😉
Even 18 is too young! My dd got her child trust fund (around £6k) and spent half of it on rubbish - and she’s my ‘sensible’ one 😵
Original poster
PanettoneSeason · 04/12/2021 21:30

@gloriousgolden

Your DM is completely batshit. I have a 4year old and a 2 year old and they both have bank accounts with a not insignificant amount in them. My 4YO has almost £1k saved and it's mostly from money he's been given at birthdays and christmas. If I'd pissed that on toys and more paw patrol shit I'd genuinely be drowning, the amount of crap toys they have amassed at 4 years of age is painful without buying extra!
@gloriousgolden I can only imagine the amount of stuff by the time they are 4 😳 the amount he has now is ridiculous! I did a huge clear out just before his birthday and gave to a local charity and I stuff feel like I’m drowning in stuff. Much better spent on something they want or need later in life!
OP posts:
Ragwort · 04/12/2021 21:30

Very sensible - I find the amount of toys some DC have is obscene- we've always saved monetary gifts for our DS, he's now 20 and has been able to buy a car, and (with money he's earned as well during holiday jobs etc) is well on the way to a deposit for his first home, he's always known about the savings and is very savvy with money (studying Economics at Uni Grin). My DPs were more than happy that gifts were saved rather than spent ... in fact they are generous enough to frequently add to his savings as well.

MurielSpriggs · 04/12/2021 21:31

Solution: assemble the non-cash gifts he's already been gifted. Take photos of darling son with various gifts. Email these photos to the gifters of cash with slightly vague message implying that the cash they gifted purchased the gift. Bcc to your darling mother. Bank all the cash as originally planned Grin

Dixiechickonhols · 04/12/2021 21:32

Your mum is out of step. Putting in his bank is a sensible thing to do. You thanked them that’s absolutely fine.

Dougieowner · 04/12/2021 21:32

My great-niece is 9-weeks old and is already building up a significant holding of Premium Bonds.
She and her parents have everything they need (you can only buy a certain number of baby clothes & teddies!) but setting her up financially is by far the best thing to do.
Luckily the whole family agree and are happy to give money.

Thinkbiglittleone · 04/12/2021 21:33

Your DM is a bit crazy with this.

The best thing for your DC is for this to start a little savings for them, imagine house prices or what uni costs could be in 15 years, facilitate giving them a little leg up if you can.

Mrsmch123 · 04/12/2021 21:37

I opened a bank account for my baby who is 5 months. I put in any money that he got given as a newborn. I also put in his child tax credit when it comes in monthly as I don't need it. I also plan to do the half of any money he gets given into the account and he can spend the other half. The hope is by the time he's an adult he will have a nice lump some to spend on a car/house deposit ect.

boymum88 · 04/12/2021 21:43

Both my dc have savings accounts, and have done from newborns, I even ask people now to put money into savings instead of buying toys ( my living room is full of toys)
Goona look into premium bonds now

Beautiful3 · 04/12/2021 21:47

I do the same thing. It's fine.

Original poster
PanettoneSeason · 04/12/2021 21:51

@Dougieowner

My great-niece is 9-weeks old and is already building up a significant holding of Premium Bonds. She and her parents have everything they need (you can only buy a certain number of baby clothes & teddies!) but setting her up financially is by far the best thing to do. Luckily the whole family agree and are happy to give money.
100% agree. From gifts given when he was born and his 1st birthday his bank account has already hit 4 figures 😳 The thought of spending that just for the sake of it is crazy to me. If it can give him a helping hand when he’s older then it’s fab 👍🏻
OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 04/12/2021 21:54

I opened two accounts for my child the month after she was born. One I pay into monthly for higher interest and each year it transfers to the second savings (you're only allowed to save 100pm max for the higher interest). The second account also has any birthday or Christmas money go into it as well as anything saved from selling old toys and clothes. There is no point in buying for the sake of it. If someone wants a physical thing bought and she has enough I give over one of the things I already bought from me, make it from them, and then put the money in the bank. She will thank me when she is 18 and has money for uni or driving or a deposit

Original poster
PanettoneSeason · 04/12/2021 21:55

@Mrsmch123

I opened a bank account for my baby who is 5 months. I put in any money that he got given as a newborn. I also put in his child tax credit when it comes in monthly as I don't need it. I also plan to do the half of any money he gets given into the account and he can spend the other half. The hope is by the time he's an adult he will have a nice lump some to spend on a car/house deposit ect.
@Mrsmch123 I do the same with my DS child benefit. Although that goes into the account the DH and I have set up to save for him in future so he won’t know about that money at all until we decide it’s time to give him it.
OP posts:
pregnantncnc · 04/12/2021 21:57

YANBU!!! I do the same thing. I don't save it for the future, though. We have a 'sinking fund' type of easy access savings account for bday/xmas money where I also put his child benefit - and whenever we buy him new clothes/toys or sign up to a toddler class etc, I usually pay for it from there. We run a very tight budget so this makes it easier for me to buy and do nice things for him as and when without having to consider our budget. If anyone asks what we bought with the money (our grandparents usually do!) - I just choose a random thing and say we used the money towards that.

Minniem2020 · 04/12/2021 21:59

I do exactly the same op. I really don't see the point of buying something you don't need just for the sake of it

tearinghairout · 04/12/2021 22:05

I opened building society accounts for my dch when they were little and have always encouraged them to save. They're grown up now and one of them thanked me recently for getting them into that habit! I think the important thing is remembering to thank whoever gifted them the money - a text/phone call when your Ds is older is fine.

Blossom64265 · 04/12/2021 22:06

We have family members who specifically ask us to choose something for dc. I make sure to buy a gift in that case. We also have family members who specifically send money to add to the trust fund we established for dc when she was born. So we just handle it person by person.

2319inprogress · 04/12/2021 22:10

YANBU
When he's a bit older we found that buying a adventure park/zoo/soft play membership with gifted money provided wonderful thank you photos throughout the year (& we spread the credit liberally Wink)

JurgensCakeBabyJesus · 04/12/2021 22:14

YANBU we have two savings accounts one we pay into each month and another for birthday/Christmas money. Our DS has his birthday just before Christmas so we have used it for summer things, little tykes car etc, but it's essentially for nice things for him. The other savings account is for when he is older

Mrsmch123 · 04/12/2021 22:27

@PanettoneSeason that's a good point as currently I think the bank will write to him when he's ?14 to let him know there is an account in his name . Ideally I would want him to access it when he's older and more sensible maybe around 22/23??I had a friend who's mum and dad unfortunately died when she was 14, she got to 16 and was given access to money which she promptly spent on gold jewellery and alcohol.

Eleganz · 04/12/2021 22:31

Your DM has just made up her own set of rules and is offended because you aren't following them. Is she hard work OP?

EggsellentSmithers · 04/12/2021 22:37

My DD (5) has a birthday near Christmas, she got money from a relative and I’ve put it away to save for spring, and also returned duplicate gifts (from a whole class party) and got a voucher to save too.

It will be fun for her to go and spend the money closer to Easter, and she’ll actually have had time to play with all of what she got for her birthday and also what she will get for Christmas.

I think your DM is being v old fashioned. My DD occasionally gets transfer straight to her bank too 😂

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