To ask if anyone has volunteered at Christmas and enjoyed it?

[StartingAgain33]

I’m single and 37, and I’d like to do something for me for once on Christmas Day, which I really don’t enjoy due to feeling like the black sheep of the family (always have) and I guess the fact I don’t have a family of my own by now.

Christmas can be lonely even when seeing them (we’re not particularly close) but this year will be much worse as my mum has decided we won’t go to my sisters like we usually do (and she has a family) but stay at home (she basically can’t be bothered to go). And my brother (who has a new baby) has just announced he’s spending it at his in laws. Spending it with him (as a buffer from my mum) was going to be my saving grace.

Seriously considering volunteering for part of the day or maybe on Christmas Eve to feel some sort of sense of purpose around the time. My mum won’t care if I’m there or not frankly, we don’t really get on and can’t spend more than a couple of hours in each others company.

Does anyone have any experience of this? I was thinking crisis at Christmas. But I’m a bit worried that I’ll get upset seeing people who are in really rough places given I won’t feel great on the day anyway. I don’t want to be an emotional wreck and I tend to have a really joy level of empathy. Then again I get deep joy from feeling like I’ve helped someone out so maybe it would be great.

Any thoughts welcome

Yabu - volunteering is not a good idea
Yanbu - volunteering is a good idea

*really high, not really joy

I always see this suggested to people that are going to be alone at Xmas but I think it would make me feel worse

No I haven’t, but it’s something I’d consider if I was going to be on my own.
I’ve volunteered in the past and it’s very rewarding.

I've volunteered on Christmas Eve but it was my normal volunteering job, not specific to Christmas and it was kinda flat.

I volunteered in a shelter at Christmas but I didn’t have any emotional upheaval going on, my parents would have been happy to have me there, it was just something I felt I wanted to do.

Sorry posted too soon. I’d do it again if the dc and DH didn’t mind!

I've volunteered fo Crisis for several years in the past. I did several days & always found it a great experience. As a first time volunteer you won't be dropped in at the deep end & volunteered always work in pairs as a min.

If I were feeling low and not in a good place, I don’t think I would be able to volunteer on Christmas Day. Emotionally, like you OP, my mental health couldn’t cope with being around those that were in a worse place than me. I would mentally beat myself up about why I couldn’t pull it together for those less fortunate.

I've done it. It wasn't emotional for me. I felt proud that I had done it and hopefully made some peoples day a bit brighter

I've volunteered twice for Crisis on Christmas day. I found it very rewarding but you might be applying too late for this year. I did it in Birmingham and the training and induction was a few weeks before Christmas if I remember rightly.

I volunteered at a Rotary Club lunch for the elderly. It was upbeat and cheerful. People attending were happy to be with others and not alone. I was a volunteer driver so collected a man who lived alone and took him home afterwards. He was grateful for the lift. In between I helped serve the food. It wasn’t the best Christmas for me but it was better than being alone and at least I felt I’d done something productive with my time. Good luck if you do decide to volunteer.

Could you go to your sister’s without your mum? It doesn’t seem to me like something your mother gets to decide for you.
Perhaps there’s somewhere else you could volunteer that would be more cheerful?

Why can't you go to your sisters even if you're mum isn't?

I did a homeless shelter at Christmas one year which was great (I don't celebrate Christmas). I did a night duty and one daytime, it was a long run and tough but felt really good helping people have a better time at Christmas. I led a carol singalong and one client at the centre said it was the best thing he'd done in forever.

Other years I've sung at a Christmas drop-in for older people at a church and that was great too.

Yes I did crisis before I had children. I really enjoyed it. If I didn't have young children I would definitely volunteer to work at Christmas. It might be too late for Crisis this year but there are bound to be other local churches/groups organising things, especially for the homeless and elderly. I would go for it.

Look for a small local service the big names get loads of volunteers and are probably at full numbers already. Eg where I am there's a community group that organise a bookable Christmas day meal, aimed at people on their own, and a refugee support service does a big party.

Tbh I think my sister is tired of hosting every year and it would be nice to give her a break. I think she would be happier to host me than have my mum there (although she’s never say that explicitly), but she wouldn’t allow that - it would have to be mum and me. And I hate feeling like a burden / sad sack hanging on to her family so would rather not rock the boat at this stage. She’s made it clear for years shed like a day which is about her and her family where she doesn’t have to cook etc (and she won’t accept any help cooking so it’s a catch 22).

I volunteered one year for a local charity serving Christmas lunches. It was nice to work with a team, many of us had never met before and to have time to chat to the visitors. It was a very jolly affair, I might do it again this year if my family can't decide what they are doing on Christmas day.

It’s likely too late to volunteer this Christmas. It’s one of the busiest times for volunteering - I used to do it often, as I didn’t have family, and liked to keep busy. Some places don’t accept volunteers for just Christmas now; as it’s a pain to train people for just one day; and some do, but most start accepting applications in the Spring and training is usually Sept-Nov.

I’d second looking at smaller initiatives/local charities, who might have lots of space… but you might find it hard if you are very empathetic and already upset about spending it by yourself.

Could you go on a trip? In England or beyond?
Or sometimes I’d go to the pub, there tended to be a mix of people who wanted to be with others for the day and it was nice.

I hope you have a good day, whatever you decide to do

I agree with keeping it small and local, many churches provide meals for those who are alone.
I visit an elderly man with no family and it breaks my heart to hear him talk about Christmas.He can't even heat a meal in a microwave yet tells me he'll be fine and will cook a full dinner for himself. I'm hoping some of his neighbours will invite him in but doubt it.

I've volunteered at Crisis at Christmas a few times. Mostly fun, albeit with the obvious challenges. Didn't have a thing of family I wanted to avoid, but they respected what I wanted to do

I’m a single parent and sometimes do not see Dc on Christmas Day. I don’t mind this as we just do the whole shebang on an earlier day ( presents, dinner , the lot). In the past I have volunteered at a community center Christmas lunch for old folks and anyone who would be alone. It has been great fun, the other volunteers and ‘ customers’ are lovely! I’d definitely recommend it although such things are all organised by now for this Christmas. Contact a local volunteer centre or town council? Good luck.

This might interest you. They're still taking applications

www.crisis.org.uk/get-involved/volunteer/

Lots of churches and food banks (or Meals on Wheels) often run a meal on Christmas and Boxing Day for elderly adults, and they will be desperate for volunteers. I would have a google and try one of those.