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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DH he cannot fart as he pleases in the house

61 replies

Loganberry14 · 03/12/2021 09:44

My DH has a tendency to do really, really stinky farts. Literally smells like something died. I've always found them a bit annoying, as when I was growing up we would never fart in front of each other, it was just accepted that if we needed to fart we would go in another room where possible. But now I'm pregnant and the smell is making me feel physically sick.

I've started to get quite annoyed with him and asked him to try and go to the loo to fart if possible. But he just rolls his eyes and then 5 mins later does another one and then looks mock guilty and laughs. His family all do it at Christmas as well - they are nearly all men and there must be some kind of rancid fart gene. Last time I was there I had to leave the house in the evening to get fresh air, it was that bad. I'm genuinely a bit worried about going there again this year and it being even worse because of being pregnant.

AIBU to be annoyed with DH/in laws?

OP posts:
Chloemol · 03/12/2021 10:31

Disgusting for you. I would simply sit him down, explain again how it makes you feel and can he please please go elsewhere

If he doesn’t then I guess that sums up how he really feels, not prepared to offer you any consideration. I would simply get u0 and leave the room and go elsewhere in the house

I also wouldn’t be going to his family for Christmas

RoastPotatoQueen · 03/12/2021 10:37

I would gift him some ferbreeze for Xmas. Grin
I think leaving the room in his own home is a bit much, but he could at least open the window or spray something afterwards if your suffering with smells.

StrongLegs · 03/12/2021 10:40

OP - I got this sensitivity to smells during pregnancy and unfortunately it never went away. (11 years and counting)

One of the great joys of the covid period for me is that I can wear nose plugs behind a covid mask and then I literally can't smell anything and nobody knows about the nose plugs, because they can't see them. It's great.

If you want to make nose plugs you just need to roll up a small ball of tissue and stick it up your nose.

However, in your shoes I would also tell your dh to go spend Christmas with his family, and then stay at home yourself. They all sound thoroughly unpleasant.

I think if he continues making horrid smells at home and rolling his eyes at you, then you can do anything you like in retribution. He needs to stop that immediately. Horrid man.

Stompythedinosaur · 03/12/2021 10:40

There's a difference between the odd fart slipping out and not making an effort to spare your partner from smelling your disgusting farts.

Rangoon · 03/12/2021 10:44

I am sorry but he must be thick as a plank to think this is an endearing habit. He might have picked up the idea from his family that this was okay behaviour but surely he must have interacted with enough other people to realise that people don't like living in the miasma of his anal emissions. I wouldn't hold back from vomiting on him.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 03/12/2021 10:48

@hotmeatymilk

Grim. But you did choose to marry him knowing he did this: it’s not new.
No & I agree, but she's pregnant now & it's making her feel sick, not just revolted by him.

@Loganberry14. Get him told, not when he's just farted. Tell him how sick it's making you feel, as well as revolted by him. Ask him if this is worth only seeing his child EOW over because you're not tolerating it any longer.

Can you go to your family/friends for Christmas. Or just stay home. You don't have to spend it with his family (he can choose you of them if you'd prefer to stay home with him.

cheeseislife8 · 03/12/2021 10:56

Disgusting! Another vote for actually vomiting on/next to him. That's grim

Camii · 03/12/2021 11:02

Smells made me v nauseous when I was pregnant. Dh used to leave the v small flat we were living in to spray deodorant bc the smell made me heave.
Have you considered throwing up on him?
It may teach him a lesson?

SpacePotato · 03/12/2021 11:07

I personally would be staying home in a smell free house whilst he goes to visit his gross family on his own.

Farting is natural. Behaving like a dirty bastard because you think it's funny is vile and disrespectful.

billy1966 · 03/12/2021 11:07

I genuinely fail to see the attraction in a being with someone so rough and uncouth.

It is so grim.

Where do women did these men up from.

I have never met, worked with, been friends with, lived with (I shared a house for 6 months with 2 male colleagues) nor have a single man in my extended family who behaves like this.

If you accepted such behaviour before getting pregnant you can't really be surprised.

He's just coarse.

Some people will be as rough as you tolerate.

Not all men behave like this.

I'm raising two sons that wouldn't dream of behaving like that and they didn't even need to be told.

What an example he will be to your child.

As for spending Christmas among the dregs of his family?

Stay home would be my advice.

Flowers
JovialNickname · 03/12/2021 11:10

Well you're obviously NBU to find that disgusting, but YABU for procreating with a pig like this in the first place!

Kanaloa · 03/12/2021 11:13

How horrible. I know some people are oh so cool with farting all over their partner and that’s their thing, whatever, if they’re cool with it good for them.

But outside of the farting - you’ve specifically told him you don’t like it and asked him to stop and he still does and laughs about it. Total lack of respect no matter the original issue.

Skeumorph · 03/12/2021 11:15

He just can't seem to get past the fact that he just thinks it's funny and I'm being unreasonable to be annoyed about it. I want to be able to explain that it is actually upsetting me because of the pregnancy thing but he just isn't getting it.

Don't go at Christmas.

Honestly, 100% seriously - don't go. Be offhand about it. Suits him to do so, so why not you. 'Oh, I'm going to stay here. I won't be able to take them all farting - it's not an option sorry. You didn't take me seriously? Well, lesson learned for you I guess! No. I won't be there, but you go and have fun.'

He will get it then.

He 'gets' it now, you know. It's not that he cannot logically understand why a foul smell would upset you and make you feel ill. It's that he has decided to dismiss your feelings.

So step up a gear with getting your points across - it will stand you in good stead.

When his pregnant wife - or non-pregnant wife, really - says 'I find X really upsetting, can you not do it' - then unless there is a cast-iron reason why X has to happen, then don't be surprised when she takes her own evasive action... and doesn't consider your feelings in return.

It's not funny. There are going to be a lot more situation with a new baby where you are going to feel that you need support with kindness, no judgement and definitely no taking the piss. So set the boundary now.

Kanaloa · 03/12/2021 11:16

@HadaVerde

Being pregnant it must be worse and I have sympathy for that.

However you clearly had an issue with it before you were pregnant.

Overreactions about normal bodily functions are quite ridiculous IMO.

I don’t think it’s an overreaction to not want to smell other people’s bodily functions. There’s a reason most of us don’t rip farts out in the middle of a job interview or at a wedding. It’s not something that should be done loudly in front of others.
Kanaloa · 03/12/2021 11:16

And as for thinking it’s funny, that’s repulsive. Did you marry a 6 year old?

Lavender24 · 03/12/2021 11:19

That's foul and I'd make an excuse and stay at home at Christmas if I was you.

Briony123 · 03/12/2021 11:22

You'll have to actually vomit on the floor, preferably around his feet, to get him to take you seriously.

Austen33 · 03/12/2021 12:31

So long as you leave the room to cough and sneeze. Revolting habits and so dangerous in a Covid world.

Suzi888 · 03/12/2021 12:34

Rancid fart gene 🤣🤣🤣🤣sorry OP and no toy are definitely not being unreasonable. Follow them around with room spray - that’ll annoy them.

Lulu1027 · 03/12/2021 12:36

He might try some probiotics and you could try a gas mask Smile. Seriously though, he's being shockingly discourteous!

Sunshineandflipflops · 03/12/2021 12:43

@Stompythedinosaur

There's a difference between the odd fart slipping out and not making an effort to spare your partner from smelling your disgusting farts.
Exactly this. I've taught my kids that if they fart or burp in front of others, they say excuse me/pardon me but they generally don't do it on purpose because they have manners.

Why would anyone want other people to be subjected to their smelly insides intentionally?

rainyskylight · 03/12/2021 12:46

Could you just leave the room and start to hang out somewhere else in the house? When he comes and finds you just explain that the smell on the sofa was making you feel ill. Just keep doing it until he realises that if he wants to be in the same room as you then he's going to have to adapt.

MaryStuart · 03/12/2021 12:48

I think I’d struggle with anyone who finds farting funny. How old is he? 14?

Ellen888 · 03/12/2021 13:08

OP,
Your husband needs to address his diet (and so does his family but they are not your problem as you can avoid them).

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321604

HTH

phoenixrosehere · 03/12/2021 13:13

YANBU

I wouldn’t be going to the in-laws whether pregnant or not with that type of behaviour. That’s just disgusting and off-putting.