to be angry with my dh because he's on holiday and still working and angry with teenage daughter

[curlywurlywee]

Have just had the biggest bust up with my dh and he's walked out after huge row with both of us screaming.

He's started his holiday today and is still working which is quite normal for him but makes me really angry. I was on my course Friday night and he did rush home to babysit our dd but the price to pay is that he now says he has to work for the equivalent of 3 or 4 evenings to make up for what he didn't finish because I asked him to come home on time on Friday night. He completely freaked out when I said that I could have gone to my course later if it was that bad. He said why didn't I tell him that on Friday. He went really mental and screamed at me right in my face - I feel quite shocked.

I had a complete melt down this morning before school because I just can't cope with everything before Christmas and my teenage dd is so demanding. I seem to spend most of my time running around after her and she didn't even bother getting me a birthday card last week - I'm so angry with everyone and feel like the archtypal housewife running around after everyone and cleaning up everyone's mess. What a moaning cow I am and I hate myself for it but I can't seem to help it and can't stop crying. Does anyone out there understand. The guilt is now awful because of all the upset in front of the kids etc.

It is hard when you feel like you put everyone else first and they don't give a damn about you. Your dh did seem to overreact a little though! If my dh acts like that (which is rarely tbh) then I usually just give him space & time to calm down.

Sorry no real advice as I don't have teenagers (yet!) but didn't want your post to go unanswered. Someone with more experience will be along soon I'm sure!

Curly I understand how you feel.

Don't be so hard on yourself love, take a deep breath and make some time for yourself, even if it is just to go sit in the cinema for a few hours

you're not a 'moaning cow' and why would you feel guilty because your dh acts like a pertulant toddler and yells in your face. if anyone should be feeling guilty it's your dh and dd for not being appreciative of what you do for them.

stop clearing up, let them do it themselves - particularly your teenage dd. she's in for a bit of a shock when she leaves home ( if she ever does, if you're doing everything for her..)

Teenagers do mutate into the most selfish creatures on the planet - 'tis fact, try not to take it personally.
I stop doing nice things for my dd when she dares to act like it (for instance the little lifts to friends when it's pouring with rain [evil bitch Mum emoticon])

Your dh - ignore him...... don't bother cooking his dinner citing 'I didn't think you'd have time to eat since you're soooo busy'

How long would he actually have stayed at work for on the Friday? How can that constitute 3-4 evenings? It sounds like he is being a drama queen to me , pour him a drink and tell him to chill a bit and stop being a bad tempered old git.

I have chucked my DP's mobile into the swimming pool on holiday before

You are not a moaning cow Curly, I totally understand. I sometimes wonder if we would run out of plates and stuff if I did not load the dishwasher, unload the dishwasher, load the dishwasher. The kids would not get to any clubs or school as dh cannot seem to plan in advance and is then in a super bad mood as they are always late for everything.

I have 2 stepdaughters both approaching their teens and recently had a baby (7 months) as I have been on maternity leave I think it is widely expected that I am the house slave and will do every supermarket shop, pick up/drop off, meal, bath, feed, midnight nightmare wake up etc etc.

As the girls are my stepdaughters if I have a go for any unreasonable behaviour they go running to their father saying I am bullying and naggy them!

My dh rarely offers to do anything. We had a huge screeming row about it on Sunday night and she said if I want stuff doing I only have to ask, but do you know what? I don't want to have to ask/nag I really just want someone to offer once in a while.

No birthday card is not cool in any way shape or form. How would any of our dd/ds react if we forgot their birthdays?

Please do not feel guilty, you are an equal member of your family and deserve as much respect and love and help as all the other members. Crying is not so bad sometimes as you really do need to get it out. Do you have a friend you could see to have a coffee and a real good cry? If you bottle it up it will only come out later when you least want it to.

YES dh is being unreasonable (as is dd) and NO you should not feel guilty for voicing your upset.

Hope you can get things sorted soon. There are loads of us out there feeling the same.

Ooops, I meant 'he said if I want anyting stuff doing' not 'she said...'

Thanks so much everyone. It helps to know I'm not the only one. Mellieandmin it sounds like there are similarities between us. My teenage dd is stepdaughter to my dh so it gets tough there aswell. I also get the "you only have to ask" from both of them but when I do there's a gig furore about it. Why can't they see what needs doing even just once. I know I'm not working but does that mean that I have sole responsibility for everything with the kids and the house. I'm so sick of being a slave and picking up after everyone else - always expected to be available and then feeling guilty when I just can't manage it. Is this really the lot of the modern woman - no wonder so many of us get depressed. I have just tried to talk to dh about it but he just trots out the old "I've got the most stressful job in Europe" routine. It's wearing a bit thin now though as I've putting up with his workaholic nature every day for the last 7 days and I've run out of empathy. Does anyone else understand this feeling. I know I should be understanding but I don't seem able anymore. I'm just sick of taking second place to his **ing work. He tells me that if he didn't do it, we wouldn't have a house to live in which is true but ?????? I reply that if I didn't run the house and look after his dd, then he wouldn't be able to go to work. Am rambling now so better shut up!

....aaaaaand breathe........

Let it out, all of it!!

Teenagers here too. DS hasnt given me a mothers day card since he made one in primary school. Or a birthday card. DD regularly forgets too. It makes me sad

I have also got a DH who puts work above everything else. He was laid up at home with a broken leg, plus he'd just had an operation and was all weird from anaesthetic and still insisted on doing bloody converence calls all day. He even fell asleep in middle of calls. I took both his phones and house phone with me when I went running, in a large bum bag

I soooooo know where you are on this one Curly. My dh has the-most-stressy-job-in-the-world too, amazing, we must be married to the same man!!

DH now has Man Flu too! Oh for the love of god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!