To ask husband to consider antidepressants

[EnoughOf]

I am so tired of my grumpy, miserable, quick to anger husband. He was not like this when we married, it's got worse over the years. I keep thinking it will get better, but it doesn't, I'm considering leaving, but wondered if maybe he's depressed and medication would help. I usually don't respond or engage him when he's in a mood and he eventually comes around until the next reason/episode.

He's defensive, and I have no idea how to broach the conversation. He won't like me suggesting that he's depressed.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

If the alternative is leaving him then I suppose it’s worth a try. Just bear in mind that depression usually manifests in someone being withdrawn and unmotivated. But it sounds like he has anger management issues, which might need therapy.

Instead of “hey I think you’re depressed and need medication” kind of talk maybe try approach it in a different way.
“Hey I’ve noticed you’ve been more stressed than usual, is there anything you would like to talk about? Is there anything I can do to help?”
Sounds like he could be in denial about his own feelings and might need a sort of safe space with you to communicate and work through what’s going on. Talking through it might help him see it more than you telling him how he feels. X

Thank you for replying, I'll try raise the topic as gently as possible to avoid him being defensive and hopefully he can open up about how he's feeling.

@ManicPixie it could very well be anger issues, as he was married before and admitted one of the issues was that he had 'anger issues'. I've never identified it as anger as it's not the classic rages etc but he is quick to be annoyed. I wish there was medication for that, as I'm so exhausted I don't think I have the energy to stick around while he sorts through his anger. Seems it's just apart of him, no idea where it comes from, he comes from a lovely family who love and support him, but being the youngest they accept his ways. His sister has said to me before she would never be able to live with him, I just laughed it off but I'm beginning to agree with her. He's great when he's good but those days are getting less and less. 😞

My dad’s depression manifested in short temper, easy rage and a horrible, horrible atmosphere. We tiptoed round him for years. When he sought help and treatment we got him back. And he’s a different man now to who he was.

Thank you @Jibberjabberhutt that's encouraging to hear. Our household is not happy when he's around but maybe there is hope.

How long has this been going on?

I would suggest therapy before anti depressants. Some abti depressant ca
have gruelling side effects and can be difficult to give up.

It's been going on for at least 3-4 years, I've always thought as long as we have more good days than bad but I'm not sure that's the case, most days there is tension in the house for no good reason other than he's in a mood about something small, I've always kept my chin up but it's starting to get me down too, the constant buffer between the kids.

I'd be surprised if counselling could help or maybe I just want a quick fix. I've given up confronting him about it as he agrees he's in the wrong and will change but I think he says that to me to 'move on' as nothing does change. I'm starting to think I have to accept this is the way he is, and if so, can I live like this?

If you kept a diary of his moods for a month (with the actions you and the kids take to accommodate him) and showed him at the end of the month, do you think it would make him sit up and take notice? He might be thinking its just an occasional mood and why is it a problem.

Thanks @SeaToSki that's a good idea. He once did see his reaction in a video he didn't know was being filmed and he was quiet surprised.

Be careful of anti-depressants once started they are difficult to get off and can seriously impact libido.