To be late for lunch?

[OlafLovesAnna]

I genuinely don't know so I’m open to all POV - some details are also changed to protect the innocent 😜

We have a family Christmas lunch on the 10th Dec. It's in a restaurant about an hour from me I will be taking my 2 children. It was booked by MIL and I have paid for our choices. I’m very happy to go and am looking forward to seeing the 10+ people there, as are the kids.

Now, the problem is that DS has has sports match, it's not a league or a cup game but it is the first match he has been picked for in a brand new team in a new area after a house move. The coach told them about it last week. He is excited and has talked about it a lot.

Today I realised that if he plays we will be approx 25 mins late to lunch. I am usually very prompt to everything but I messaged MIL, explained the situation and said to please start without us and we would catch up when we got there.

I missed a call from her this even and she sounded a bit pissed off. B
So before I call her back I want to have a solution to offer. I thought my original one was good but if not then DS can stay behind with a friend while me and his brother go to lunch. He will be sad to miss the lunch but not devasted.

I expect that MIL will want him to back out of the football. He will be upset to miss the football as it's a big part of feeling accepted in a new place.

AIBU to offer lateness or DS not coming or is that terrible?

I'd give MIL the option of 25mins late, or DS not going to the meal. In these circumstances it's important he plays the match, but allow MIL to chose which is the least problematic solution of the two.

How is MIL being selfish! She’s got 12 people to think about, one presumes including other children. not just 1 child.

Weird as fuck. But then I see a lot of young adults who have never had to give up anything or go without ever. And I’m amazed they got through entire childhoods without any form of having to compromise

@Thursdaymiami

How is MIL being selfish! She’s got 12 people to think about, one presumes including other children. not just 1 child.

Weird as fuck. But then I see a lot of young adults who have never had to give up anything or go without ever. And I’m amazed they got through entire childhoods without any form of having to compromise

Really?! Hasn’t everyone just had nearly two years of compromises and cancelled plans, especially the young?

OP I agree with most others - give her the choice. DS should definitely play. Settling in is a big deal. Personally I’d probably leave him with a friend because being late makes me feel stressed, especially if I know it’s going to bother the other person,

25 minutes could make a big difference if the table is booked after you have been. Could easily turn things into a rushed meal.

I think your DS going with his friend sounds the best option.

I think they’re your in-laws, DH isn’t there do what suits your child /children!

@Thursdaymiami

How is MIL being selfish! She’s got 12 people to think about, one presumes including other children. not just 1 child.

Weird as fuck. But then I see a lot of young adults who have never had to give up anything or go without ever. And I’m amazed they got through entire childhoods without any form of having to compromise

You seem to have a very short memory.over the past 18 months,young people had to give up a lot for older folks.you really have no empathy for young people.it isnt an expensive gadget OP's son wants.it is to play a football game with his new mates.OP please let him play that game with his new mates in a new place and new school.if MIL cant cope with 2 people being a bit late, it is really her problem.

MIL may have organised it but as she isn’t paying, she isn’t hosting. Why does she have so much say in this?

Of course your Ds must play in the match: well done him!

25 mins is fine. Lots of other people, leave smartly slip in as fast as you can.

Options:

1.everyone starts without you and you join when you can
2.DS goes home with a friend and skips lunch completely .

DS shouldn't have to miss his game. Not just from the social and fun point of view, but also to show him the importance of commitment to a team.

If she's not happy with either ask her what she suggests that doesn't involve your son missing his game. If she doesn't have any solutions then that's that. Shit happens.

It's going to take 25 minutes for the food to get to the table. I'd go with turning up late. The whole point is being together to eat, which you will be.

Honestly I would've minimised it and said you'd be 10-15 minutes late, but to go ahead and start without you, if that happens to be more like 20/25 there was traffic.... Not sure what you've told her so far, just that you'll be a little late or how late.

Your DS should definitely play in the match. MIL can choose between the two options you suggest.