To think this older guy is being too familiar with me?

[Pearlgreys]

I’m 32, I go to an in person support group for people with mental health issues.
An older guy also attends, he is 60.
He’s been really friendly and kind to me and I’ve chatted to him in and off. He then added me on Facebook and since I accepted him, he messages me all the time. Even if I don’t reply, he’ll continue messaging.
The other night about 10pm he messages me and asks if I fancy a chat on the phone?!

I think he’s very lonely, he lives alone and is estranged from his adult son.

He also bought my toddler son a gift the other day, which I felt quite uncomfortable about.

Whenever we’re at any of the events we both attend, he’s very over familiar with me. He talks to me most of the time, I feel a bit suffocated.
I don’t want to tell him to back off as I’m worried about hurting his feelings. He seems genuinely quite lonely. But at the same time he’s creeping me out a bit.

Any advice welcomed.

I'm always shocked by how many men that age think that a woman half their age will be interested in a relationship with them. It's mindboggling.

Women fall prey to men whose feelings they don't want to hurt.
If he's giving you the creeps, listen to your gut.
Dont worry about being 'nice'. (Easier said than done I know- as girls are raised to be 'nice', even to potential weirdos...)

Is there a group leader you can speak to? Or someone else who can give you real life support
I’d delete him from Facebook. If he asks why just say that you feel it’s for the best
Excuse yourself when he comes to speak to you. Every time. He will get the message
You don’t need to put up with this. Your feelings of being uncomfortable are just as important as his feelings of being lonely.

I agree with speaking to the group leader.
Stop taking presents and bar him.

He’s trying his luck. It doesn’t seem to occur to some men that women half their age wouldn’t see them as an attractive prospect.

And he’s not worrying about making you feel uncomfortable, so why are you worrying about asserting your boundaries? You won’t hurt his feelings. You might bruise his ego but he’ll get over it.

Thanks.
I was thinking of talking to the group facilitator, but I do feel bad for some reason.

I would be honest and say it doesn’t feel healthy to become too close to someone in your support group, so you’d like to keep your interactions only within the group.

The polite thing to do would be to have a quiet word with him - at the very least something like “I’m not able to chat during the day/night and I don’t feel it would be appropriate for us to be having phone calls. I’m not looking for anything other than support at xxx sessions.

You shouldn't worry about hurting his feelings. After all, he's not worrying about making you feel uncomfortable.

Wasnt it Helen mirron who said when asked in an interview what she wished she'd done when she was younger - 'I wish I'd said fuck off more often.'

You don't need to tell him to fuck off, but you are absolutely entitled to think - I don't like this, so I don't have to put up with it.

'Hi. Please don't message me at night. I don't like it. I'll see you at the next group class.'