To think it should be the baby keeping me awake instead of bloody insomnia?!

[Loulouskiptomylou]

Please help. I have a 6month old and a 3year old. Baby is EBF and wakes 3-4 times a night, older child wakes up on occasion too. Fine. That’s normal.

What’s not normal is my crippling insomnia. I’ve suffered on and off for years but bow the combo of hormones, anticipating the next wake up and being anxious about insomnia means I’m awake for HOURS. Last night for example I went to bed, knackered, at 10pm. It was about 2am when I finally dropped off then of course was woken three times by baby.

I try not to stress as that makes it worse but after weeks of this mental battle last night I felt incredibly panicky at the prospect of no sleep. I’m amazed I eventually fell asleep.

I’ve tried:
No phones after 8pm
Limited caffeine and none after midday
Headspace app
Breathing exercises
Counting exercises
Magnesium tablets
Earplugs
White noise
Antihistamines
When truly desperate, night nurse (doesn’t work)
Lying with eyes closed and resting (not the same!!)
Glass of wine before bed

Baby will not take a bottle so trying for a night elsewhere not an option.

Does anyone have any tips or words of comfort? It’s really stressing me out. I’m so exhausted I find it hard to find any joy in my kids. Every day I just count down to bed time and then lie awake for hours anyway.

I had a bad sleeper and after 7 months I found I was like this. I was so stressed about the lack of sleep that I couldn't sleep and was just waiting for the next wake up constantly.

We sleep trained and although it worked instantly, it did take me a few months to feel normal about sleep again, I was constantly alert for the baby waking up. And the anxiety around sleep was probably worse than the physical tiredness as well.

No real advice but to see if you can get some help at night, and night wean/ sleep train and it will eventually settle down. I also find no screens in the evening, a hath, and meditating with the headspace app help me sleep better

Thanks @DrinkFeckArseBrick. I don’t mind baby waking up at the minute. Happy to sleep train in a couple of months but tbh I find breastfeeding can sometimes reset my brain and help me fall asleep so loathe to give up one of the tricks!

A walk in the fresh air before bed is missing from your list. Is this a possibility? I’m not sure that it helps me but a lot of this is about building healthy associations with sleep.

I feel your pain I’m the same. My 2 year old is a shit sleeper, she wakes up about 1am and then I can’t get back to sleep after as I have things whizzing around in my head.

Im newly pregnant again and it’s got worse. My theory is that it’s something to do with hormones. Before pregnancy I found at certain points in my cycle the insomnia was worse.

Sorry I can’t offer any other advice as you’ve tried all the stuff ive tried x

Ps I’m still breastfeeding so I think that’s why my little one still wakes up. I’m trying to slowly cut down. Sleep training isn’t for everyone x

I had/on occasion still have insomnia after my DD was born. I have to say for me I was diagnosed with PTSD and severe anxiety and the not being able to sleep was a symptom of that. I had CBT and we discussed some ways of creating better sleep habits etc. It didn't always help but it did help me relax some nights. I was also breastfeeding and was sometimes glad of DD waking as then I'd feel like I was awake for a reason I sleep a lot better now but still on occasion I'm just sat there waiting and hoping she wakes up so I've got something to do. I'm rambling and don't really have any advice but you are not alone

My GP explained to me that a lot of Mums get insomnia it's being in a state of waiting all night. You are expecting little ones to wake up at any moment so can't relax to go to sleep yourself. The only thing that's helped me is getting somebody else to do the night and let me sleep, much harder when I was a single parent for obvious reasons!

Sleeping pills didn't help for me, but Nytol does sometimes

Thanks all. Sorry to hear many of you have suffered the same

@Kippersfortea did you take that wile breastfeeding?

This happened to me, low dose amitriptyline changed my life. However I don't know if you can take it while BF, it's worth talking to your GP.

I was prescribed Promethazine from the GP whilst breastfeeding to help me sleep. You can buy it OTC like Nytol (both are antihistamines that help with sleep) but that was the one they were happier to prescribe me though I find Nytol more effective. My friend was advised to have a beer before bed by a breastfeeding consultant, and that solved her issue with dropping off (she only had half a pint) it also can help with supply issues I believe. I'm not saying either of those things are perfect answers, but it was better than taking prescription sleeping pills which i was also prescribed whilst breastfeeding and didn't want to take

Thanks all. Already dreading tonight!

Perhaps ask gp for blood test to check thyroid levels? Post partum hyper-thyroidism is common. I had it for about 18 months after Dd2 was born and lucky if I slept 3-4 hours a night!

Audio books helped me - something I could listen to while lying in the dark that distracted me from worrying about going to sleep without being too exciting that it kept me awake. The Calm app does dedicated sleep stories which are written to help you drop off - good but quite expensive if you just use it for that, though there are a few free ones including Stephen Fry talking about the lavender fields of Provence. The sleepy bookshelf and get sleepy podcasts might be worth a try though - they're free and definitely relaxing. Much sympathy though, insomnia and sleep deprivation is a horrible combination.

I felt exactly the same as you. It was horrific. It did get better.

A couple of things that I think did help was catching up on sleep in the day. I could only nap when DP took DC out of the house for a couple of hours. I couldn't switch off if I could hear them downstairs. Then, if I'd had a nap in the day the pressure to sleep at night wasn't quite as bad.
The other thing that helped me was an A-Z game I would do in my head. It has to be something that you have to think a bit about but is pretty boring. I would do friends characters, and I would make myself think of a male and a female for each letter of the alphabet. It stopped my mind racing and often I would be able to drift off somewhere abound M.

I have been there op its horrendous isnt it, i remember being awake til gone 4am and only then sleeping for an hour or 2! My dd is 16months now and im sleeping a lot better, dd is less demanding overnight at this age (except when poorly) so sleeps through and doesnt need milk etc which does help you to mentally switch off.
Have you tried melatonin? I buy it online from biovea and genuinely think that has helped me a lot, as i dont fall asleep as quick when i forget to take it.
Someone mentioned amitriptyline, i think you will have a hard time getting prescribed it as believe its an antidepressant that also helps with nerve pain (could be wrong on that bit) and it happens to have a sedatory effect too, i dont think you can be prescribed it just for insomnia.

I had the worst insomnia after having a baby, the only thing that worked was melatonin. Helps you to get to sleep and go back off after you have woken. Doesn’t make you groggy. I got it off the internet, but you can get it from the gp. But I wasn’t breastfeeding. Good luck, it’s so horrible.

You need to break the over tiredness as this won't be helping you sleep. When does baby wake for the first time? What time do they go to bed? Try and get 2 very early nights, go to bed with the children- this gives you a block of sleep before the first waking.

Try and get an afternoon nap- this will also break the overtiredness cycle

Cbt can also help

Can totally sympathise with this. I found breastfeeding made me sleepy, more so when they were tiny, so me and DS co-slept and I fed him lying on my side so I could nicely drift back to sleep. He's now 2 so that doesn't work anymore. No magic solutions but most likely to work for me now is reading a fairly boring book on the Kindle app on my phone, on a dark setting (black background, white text). Good luck!

Totally empathise, my baby is nearly 11 months old but from around 5 months old I suddenly developed crippling insomnia and it was due to anxiety over interruption to sleep /stress about not getting enough sleep. I couldn't understand why I just lost the ability to fall asleep, but then realised the root of the problem was an anxiety cycle. The adrenaline which kicks in when you get stressed about the night ahead makes you alert and wide awake. No one could understand how it was possible I said I only slept 1-2hrs from 5 or 6am and then I could be so awake and functioning in the day.
I would think about bedtime leading up to it and dread it, and it was like I couldn't remember how I ever used to fall asleep.

What I will say is that there wasn't a specific thing I did that helped me start sleeping better again, but once I accepted the fact I might not sleep much and I could survive the next day regardless, I started to relax and fall asleep without realising and then it got better and better over time, particularly the past 2 to 3 months.

I still have occasional mild bouts of insomnia, but on the whole I feel like a different person!

I know it's not an easy solution but I hope to reassure you that it will get better.

I'd really recommend giving stimulus control therapy a go hun x

This happened to me. It got so bad that I still couldn’t sleep when DH took the FF baby overnight. Eventually I did a course of CBT. It wasn’t instant but it really really helped. I was in a really bad place and the CBT changed everything. Also helpful for dealing with general anxious thought and ruminating if you’re prone to that

If you google stimulus control therapy PDF it comes up afew articles/pages down x

I had terrible insomnia all my life until I got a subscription to audible and some sleep phones so it doesn’t wake my partner/baby. Now I just put on a relaxing book I already know the plot of so I don’t need to fully pay attention at 3/4 speed and set it to switch off after 60 or 90 mins, and accept that I’ll sleep when I sleep. Cuts out all the anxiety. Sometimes it still takes me a while but I’m so much better at drifting off overall and most importantly I’m no longer stressing about it.

Thanks all so much for the help! I’ve now tried phernegan and nytol (GP said it was OK) - unfortunately neither has worked.

GP did suggest a low dose of amitriptyline if necesssry so perhaps will give it a go.

I’ve ordered some melatonin but it won’t be here for ages.

Thanks for the sympathy and sharing stories. I’m so exhausted I was in tears this morning. I expect and have survived awful sleep deprivation with babies but somehow it’s much worse when I’m the reason I’m not sleeping!