to be worried about newborn baby catching viruses?

[Jobana]

Please be gentle even if you think I’m being unreasonable!

I am 38 weeks pregnant. I have vaguely worried before about handling frequency/volume of visitors after birth, and worried about germs through people kissing baby etc- I was aware of a baby that died of herpes encephalitis but accepted this was rare and could be logical about it.

However now this worry has now gone into overdrive…

The baby of an acquaintance has very recently died through complications of having a ‘normal’ viral infection as a tiny baby. This combined with the new covid variant has made me really worry.
My husband has been really supportive and bought more disposable face masks and hand gel for if people are coming near baby and said outside of our own parents and siblings we don’t have to feel in a rush to have any visitors at all.

It’s lovely he’s on my side but I feel totally neurotic. I feel like I can just about tolerate our own parents holding the baby if they use PPE but I feel physically sick at the idea of hosting visitors…right now genuinely would prefer to meet people outdoors in the spring. It’s so hard as I feel I’m being ridiculous but I’m really deeply scared of my baby becoming ill.
I feel like effectively shielding through the winter.
My parents have also been quite understanding, as they are covid cautious, in laws have made agreeable noises it seems as long as they are not excluded from visiting themselves.
Am I totally unreasonable?

I voted that yabu because it really sounds like anxiety has taken over. Obviously it's sensible to be cautious but if you are so anxious about it, have you thought about speaking to someone? I'm not judging our minimising the way you feel, but it genuinely isn't healthy to be that anxious an will take a toll on your mental health.
It's very sad that the baby of your acquaintance died, however you need to put that into perspective. What about all the babies born with school age siblings? My 2 youngest have grown up with germs from day 1 and nothing bad has happened.
Obviously you can choose who visits, and if you don't want anyone over then that is 100% your choice, but I also hope you find s way of coping with the anxiety (meant in a completely non judgmental way).

At 38 weeks it's possible this anxiety is part of nesting and you'll feel better once the baby is here. If you feel it's becoming out of control then speak to your midwife.
You don't have to have any visitors though, if close family meet the baby then that's enough.

Op it's the most natural instinct in the world to want to protect a new born baby from illness.
What's more vulnerable?
Hopefully omicron will work in your favour and you can put most people off except the essentials and tell them before you hope they wear masks and don't expect to hold the baby etc.
That baby can't protect itself and no...getting a new born ill at this time isn't worth people indulging themselves and breathing all over baby.

You're not obliged to have reams of visitors if you feel uncomfortable. People will understand!

Just prepare an email now, so sorry we know your all looking forward to meeting baby and as you can imagine at this point in time it's causing me more anxiety with not only the usual winter bugs but also covid and now omicron.
It would be the absolute worst time for us to catch something in the middle of an over stretched NHS winter so I do hope you all will understand when we ask that you come and visit baby in a few months time.

You are being unreasonable, but anxiety is a serious condition.

I’d mention it to your care team or GP and get some advice on how to reduce it. When the baby is here you might feel more relaxed, but if it goes into overdrive, get some help.

It’s good you are taking it seriously - you don’t want it to escalate, or to isolate yourself. Talk to your husband about it and he can help you monitor where you are.

Totally normal to be anxious about a new baby catching a bug but if you are feeling physically sick at the thought of visitors in your house then I think maybe your anxiety might be a little high. It’s not that your concern is unreasonable, but your reaction sounds very strong.

And you say meet outside in the spring, why the spring? A baby can be wrapped up and taken out in the pushchair in winter without needing to wait until March-ish, and there’s little risk walking outside. I’m aware people can bring their own issues in to answers, and I have had severe agoraphobia in the past so probably just projecting, but be careful if you find yourself reluctant to leave the house at all. That’s never been the health advice for young babies.

But generally speaking, no, it’s not unreasonable at all to limit visitors. For your sake as much as the baby’s, no one needs a parade of people shortly after giving birth.

We nested for a good month with my second before we had any visitors, and he was three months before we got back to normal- this was in spring this year, so covid times. You do sound quite anxious, but at the same time babies are developing their immune systems and we are in a pandemic, so a little anxiety seems quite sensible. Plus, visitors can be a pain while you are trying to get back into a routine and find your way with a newborn. I wouldn’t let anyone pressure you into having visitors or going out before you are ready.

Hi OP there are loads of us from the pregnancy thread I was on last year who didn't let anyone (quite literally) hold our babies without masks and LFT and using hand gel until the babies had had their 8 week jabs. Even now, several months in, our parents are the only ones allowed to do this routinely, and we still ask that they test and have to wear a mask indoors, which they have all been supportive of because they want to keep our baby safe.

It's your baby OP. Anyone who loves you and cares about the baby will be happy to follow your lead.

but I feel physically sick at the idea of hosting visitors
Then don't. You'll have a newborn, no other excuse needed. One of my Dc1 was born during swine flu, and we were advised to be very careful, no travelling until baby had had first jabs, travel via car than plane or train etc, I was vaccinated against it whilst pregnant. Keep visitors to close family rather than lots of different visitors and make sure close contact was only with people who had been vaccinated. MIL insisted on her and FIL wearing masks and she quarantined him after a business trip!

I think your husband is being sensible (unless you've a friend you'd classify higher than a sibling!) and go with what you feel comfortable with. You can always video call people.

I think you sound a bit anxious but agree you are at the end of pregnancy after two years of pandemic so i do understand why it’s blown up in your head! It’s very possible you will feel better after baby is here. You don’t have to have visitors- my baby is due mid Jan and I won’t be having a turnstile of visitors coming round beyond family. Here in hospital visiting is still restricted to two people with masks. Also I think it’s important to remember that your child will catch something, at some point in their lives. And this is fine. Healthy even. The are very resilient & this is normal- and the chance of serious illness is very very very very low. Congratulations and I hope you can relax a bit xoxo

No one should be kissing your newborn baby, and quite within your rights to be limiting visitors. You're definitely not being unreasonable. Although it's normal for people to want a cuddle, there are a lot of respiratory viruses around affecting wee ones. Clean hands and no cuddles if they have a cold shouldn't upset people. Are you hoping to breastfeed? This can offer some of your antibodies to baby and therefore some protection. I know it's easier said than done for some mums though. Try not to worry, most people should be wary around little ones just now and would understand. But also remember that many newborns have older brothers and sisters at nursery/school lots so babies are being exposed to loads of bugs that way and are fine 🙂

YANBU to want to protect your baby of course, but I think this is your 38 week pregnancy hormones sending your anxiety sky rocketing. It's normal - your body and mind are preparing for a huge change and worrying about absolutely everything.

Babies are vulnerable of course, but they are also tough little things and are great at surviving in our world. They've been built that way since the dawn of humanity. If you are breastfeeding you will also be helping them with their immunity.

I have an 8 week old and although we've seen lots of people now, it was definitely a gradual thing as time has gone on and I've felt more comfortable. People will (hopefully) understand that you've just had a baby, and it's a pandemic. This is my 3rd baby and her older siblings are at school and nursery every day - total germ factories. Currently 4 of my DS's class are off with covid... I've just got to accept that risk for what it is and hope for the best.