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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To remove friend from my life?

15 replies

StarC · 01/12/2021 22:39

I haven't seen my old friend for a couple of years - covid/ travel etc reasons.

He came to stay with me and DH for a couple of days last week and I was shocked to say the least. He was rude/ obnoxious and seemed like a completely different person!

He kept telling us to shush "as a joke," flooded the bathroom every time he had a shower and made complaints to the staff every time we went out for lunch. For no reason.

We went out for dinner and he got embarrassingly loud and drunk. He pushed me "as a joke" but it actually really hurt.

We went to the supermarket and he started throwing things around in front of the staff and was asked to leave. I know this all sounds utterly ridiculous. I think I am still in shock; it's like he's had a full on personality transplant.

Aibu to never speak to him again??

OP posts:
LucySullivanIsGettingMarried · 01/12/2021 22:41

YANBU at all! He sounds vile!

LosingTheWill2 · 01/12/2021 22:43

Is he having a breakdown?

Maw1988 · 01/12/2021 22:45

Its hard when you meet someone and its been a long time. Maybe ha gas changed and am sure so gave you. Talk to him and meet up once more to see how it goes

Sarahlou63 · 01/12/2021 22:46

Sounds like he may be in a bad place - either drink, drugs, some kind of brain disorder or MH issues. You could gently suggest you're worried about him and urge him to see his GP as soon as possible or you could decide he's just a bit of a twat and unfriend him.

Only you know which is the most likely situation.

RagzReturnsRebooted · 01/12/2021 22:47

Surely this should be worrying? Sudden personality change and out of control behaviour?

HunkyPunk · 01/12/2021 22:49

Does your friend have a malevolent identical twin?

FabriqueBelgique · 01/12/2021 22:50

I think everyone deserves one chance. If he’s been a friend for a long time maybe confront him about his behaviour, ask him what’s causing it.

If he’s still disrespectful, of course cut him off.

Luredbyapomegranate · 01/12/2021 22:51

Well if he’s your friend and he didn’t used to be like this, I’d be very annoyed - but also concerned about him. And I’d check in when he got home via phone or mail or a mutual friend to see what might be up.

Of course I’d give the friendship a rest if he’s being a dick, but never speaking to him again is very playground.

Original poster
StarC · 01/12/2021 22:52

I thought it could be something like that but his behaviour was pretty consistent the whole time he was here - rude and obnoxious to everyone while thinking it's funny. He took my phone off me and wouldn't let me look at it while he was talking at me one evening, even though I was waiting on an important email. Just all about him.

Tbh I don't know if this change is sudden or not, I do know that a few other friends have distanced themselves from him over the last few years. I am now wondering if this is why.

Even if he does need help, I can point him in the direction of his GP but I really can't do much else. I'm starting a new job and I'm pregnant so I really dont want this in my life. Maybe I'm too harsh?

OP posts:
Marvellousmadness · 01/12/2021 22:52

If he is your friend for many years id talk to him first. Tell him what you told us. And ask him if he is ok? Does he struggle with substance abuse etc.

If he is unwilling to listen or unwilling to accept help then you are always able to cut him out of your life. But maybe try and help first.

WhenSepEnds · 01/12/2021 22:54

@StarC

I haven't seen my old friend for a couple of years - covid/ travel etc reasons.

He came to stay with me and DH for a couple of days last week and I was shocked to say the least. He was rude/ obnoxious and seemed like a completely different person!

He kept telling us to shush "as a joke," flooded the bathroom every time he had a shower and made complaints to the staff every time we went out for lunch. For no reason.

We went out for dinner and he got embarrassingly loud and drunk. He pushed me "as a joke" but it actually really hurt.

We went to the supermarket and he started throwing things around in front of the staff and was asked to leave. I know this all sounds utterly ridiculous. I think I am still in shock; it's like he's had a full on personality transplant.

Aibu to never speak to him again??

In all seriousness, is he maybe having a Mental health crisis?
DevonsFinest · 01/12/2021 22:54

I'd try to get to the bottom of it if it's very out of character and you've known him a long time and know him better than that, it could be an illness and you are noticing his behaviour is out of character because you haven't seen him for so long. I'd speak to him and see if he's aware of it and maybe see if anyone else is concerned.

Mamamia7962 · 01/12/2021 22:56

That sounds very bizarre, especially being thrown out of a supermarket. Talk to him and tell him you are worried as his behaviour is so out of character.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 01/12/2021 23:00

Is he on something? Or perhaps was always a bit of an ass and it is more noticable now?

Kuachui · 02/12/2021 04:29

that all sounds really wierd :S i would definitely be calling it a day

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