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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is it time to cut contact?

2 replies

Loveheartrose4 · 01/12/2021 11:28

I've had a tough year. I split from children's dad. Which was OK in a way because it wasn't a nasty split. More sad I guess..we bug style grew apart. For 8 months he struggled and didn't want to tell anyone. After a few months I met a lovely guy. We only chatted until July when we decided to start dating. It was 7 months after my split but 3 years since I had sex or any sort of intimacy with my ex.

Things went well so a month ago I told my mum about the new guy. Warned her it was early days. She was abit unsure but said it was up to me. I need to be happy again to be honest..I was struggling and very lonely and I finally have some happiness. It was like the moment my mum found out I felt stressed. She's over opinionated. Judgmental. Harsh and unemotional. She's never been warm or loving and she gets under my skin making me feel like a terrible person.

We are about to put pur house for sale after Christmas. So we are still sharing a house and it's tricky. But we are all respectful of the other doing their own thing now. We take it in turns with the children. I usually stay away on a Sunday and 2 or 3 nights after the kids are in bed I will go our for some food and be back in the morning. Its what works for now.

Anyway I ended up in hospital last Wednesday. I ended up needing blood transfusions. I had been massively struggling so I wasn't surprised. Hardly able to walk. When I came out of hospital I went to my boyfriends. I wrote a post on here about having to justify it. My ex had left the house a mess and it was making me feel so stressed and irritated I needed to chill out.

I got a phone call from my mum this morning..she asked me if I had blitzed the house. I asked why an earth she was asking that. She said we'll you couldn't really expect your ex to work and clean and have the kids and pick you up from hospital. She told me I needed to do it in bits and sit and rest in between. She then told me the kids needed a stable home and it was wrong I was out at the weekend and then my ex took the kids out to a friends house. She said it wasn't right.

I've just sent her a massive message explaining to her I already feel bad enough that my relationship has ended and my kids loves are changing. I waffled on about various things to defend myself and she's read it and not replied.

I've had enough now. I already am trying so hard to Balance my life and the kids. To hear my family judging me because 2 or 3 times a week I go and spend time with someone I love whilst they have fun with their dad. I love my kids so much and this is q cross roads for us all.

I feel so sad and exhausted by other people right now. Aibu to want to cut her off.

OP posts:
Brainwave89 · 01/12/2021 11:53

Firstly OP a big hug Flowers. It sounds like this part of life is proving tough and you have to manage your own physical and mental well being. Is this one of a stream of invective from your mum or is it a one off? If the latter I would speak to her and calmly point out you need her support right now, that you have been ill and that these are very stressful times. If this is a repeated pattern I would consider going very low contact for a while. You need to sort your life out, and if mum cannot be part of the sorting she will be part of the problem. She appears to be adopting a really gender based idea of who should do what which I would find very irritating.

Loveheartrose4 · 01/12/2021 16:08

Hello. Thank you for the reply. She's like it all the time. Not very positive and likes to tell you how to do things. Gets herself very wound up by stuff that doesn't affect her directly. It's funny as I always felt loved growing up but realised as an adult what other people had. My mums never been able to express love through actions or words. To her it's about routine. Keeping you in food and essentials and teaching you to behave. She is nearly 70 now and I'm in my early 30s. She makes me feel like an irresponsible person.

It's very hard now. I feel overwhelmed and stressed. I don't have any answers right now and so I'm trying to somehow balance everything.

OP posts:
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