Sorry, this is going to get long but feel I need to give the back story and to not drip feed.
Mental health trigger warning
I've recently gone NC with DF with the support of DH, DM and wider family but I'm now feeling guilty about DF being on his own at Christmas (he and DM separated 5/6 years ago).
It's been a tough year as DD1 (21) has spent most of the year in and out of psychiatric inpatient facilities on sections, had multiple od's including 2 leading to induced comas. She's currently on a section 3 awaiting a transfer to a specialist inpatient facility that can treat her level of personality disorder combined with eating disorders. In the meantime DD has been allowed varying amounts of leave from the ward during this time and it's amended/withdrawn according to her risk level at the time. She is a flight risk as she has both escaped from the ward and run away from staff on her escorted leave numerous times. DF is aware of all of this. When DD hasn't been allowed leave he has visited her on the ward, usually once or twice a week, on a rotation with DM, myself and DH.
DD recently had family leave reinstated and staff were happy for her to go out with us or my DF/DM. We were happy too as it meant DD was able to get a change of scene for a couple of hours when we couldn't take her each day due to work. We would hear what she had been up to and where she had been when we next spoke to her. DF doesn't drive so took her on the bus into town or to a local country park for some fresh air and a walk. All good, or so we thought.
We had a call at home from the ward staff a couple of weeks ago asking to confirm DD's mobile no. as she hadn't returned to the ward and wasn't answering the no. they had for her. As DD went out on leave with my DF, staff had contacted him and he told them "DD should be back by now, it normally only takes her 20 mins to walk back to the ward". DD was missing overnight until police found her the next day and returned her to the ward.
Since then we've found out that DF always used to let DD walk back to the ward by herself after they'd been out so he could stay wherever they were or get his own way home without going out of his way. He also took her to the pub numerous times (she can't drink on her meds and has issues with alcohol related to her PD which he knows about) and on the day she didn't return he took her to London to go for a few drinks. When the train got back into the nearest station to the ward he let her get off by herself to head back on her own while he carried on home on the train. She immediately got back on the next train in the opposite direction back to London and spent the night drinking on the streets!! Anything could have happened to her without her added mental health issues and frequent suicide attempts. Luckily, nothing did happen.
The thing that's made me go NC though is DF's complete lack of regret for any of it. He maintains its not his fault, he rang the ward when DD got off the train and it's their fault for not sending anyone to meet her and escort her back to the ward! He put her at risk by not making sure DD was safely back on the ward. And this is on top of him apparently telling DD that we don't care about her any more, we are just leaving her to rot in that place, the staff are mistreating her, he's going to file a lawsuit against them, next time she goes out with him he's going to not let her go back and she can live with him.
DM says I have every right to be furious and never speak to him ever again. But now it's Christmas and I've always hated the idea of anyone on their own at this time of year. Although he's not completely on his own. He lives in a retirement flat complex and they have a lounge and activities etc.
Am I right to stay NC?