No support shit

[123becauseicouldntthinkofone]

Soooo, going to be honest there is no support as I don't speak about shit. I support others in their life issues, on covid groups talking about being positive and new palate. I don't eat...lost 2 stone...I fucking hate food and force feeding myself everyday for half a meal if I am lucky. Relationship issues, weirdo family issues. I still drink prosecco so that is becoming my calories (limit 1 bottle day no more)....my hair is snapping or falling out....does anyone else get ground down or get pissed off with trying to be positive and holding their shit in all the time because they are dealing with everyone else who doesn't even ask how the fuck you doing. Sorry...rant over, I didn't know where else to turn..I have actually got decent friends I could ring but don't feel like I can put on them yet know they would be devasted if they read this. Think I need a shrink x

So sorry you are having a hard time. That sounds tough. You can see the damage your body is sustaining but it’s really hard to get out of the rut.

I am the listener often and tend not to talk. I have used a counsellor and it was super helpful. But sharing with and being open with friends, when I can, deepens the bond and gives them permission to be vulnerable too.

You say your friends would be devastated to read this. Is that because you think they would want to be there for you? I think it can be really hard when you are the ‘go to’ person to allow yourself to be vulnerable and trust that people will have your back. Sometimes there is a fear of being let down. Or that the care won’t be good enough. Generally though I’ve rarely regretted opening up. Even when it’s not been an ideal outcome.

I’m going to give you a gentle nudge and say why don’t you choose one of your friends that you feel safe with and text something like: ‘I am going through a tough time and could really do with a listening ear, a hug and some time. I know you have a lot on so please don’t feel pressure but if you have time to come over in the next few days for a cuppa I would really appreciate it’.

Best of luck OP. Look after yourself and your body as best you can in what sound like tough circumstances.

Thank you so much for replying, I know in my heart of hearts you are right and that is the exact advice I would give. You are right that they would be devastated I didn't talk to them. Its just such a hard cycle to break from being the rock to being vulnerable. I have had tougher times and been okay (not that most know lol) but it's still a but. I have stopped crying g from you taking the time to reply and that given me a little strength just feel like a mard arse because I don't like food since covid and my hobby and chill was cooking now I can't stand it and how do I feed and look after my friends when I hate how to do that and I can't even eat it x

Hope today has been better.

Please talk to someone. Friends aren't just there for the good times